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To think it's rude to ask for gifts?

6 replies

Underthemoonlight · 20/06/2017 08:10

Me and my dbro aren't close at all, we could go several months without contacting each other. He shows very little interest in my DC and we never had a relationship as he relientless bullied me as a child. When they had dniece we bought them equipment and additional presents coming to about 70-80 pounds in total aswell as going to visit them. In addition they have received all of my dd beautiful clothing and shoes some of which was brand new and designers which they asked for. They have now announced they are expecting again and rather message to say your going to be an auntie again or your going to get a niece or nephew he informs me to save my money after Christmas to buy their new addition a birthday present. When I replied he didn't even engage in a proper conversation with me.

It's just not something you expect or demand off people comes off abit crass to me. Aibu?

I understand my feelings might be clouded by the fact that my DF is terminal ill and we went away as family including siblings. Dbro and his DW made some comments about me and our other dbro not doing enough for DF when in fact they live far away and we do a lot of stuff he isn't aware of we just don't make abig show of it. They also spoilt the holiday buy publicly arguing infront of us with his DW almost running him over it was embrassing. Dbro had almost been extremely demanding telling us what to do with our DF even telling DF what to do and TBH pissed me off to no end. It just appears I'm good for presents but nothing else and no effort is made to have a relationship with me or my DC. Me and my eldest dbro are close and he always makes the effort with the DC.

OP posts:

Chloe84 · 20/06/2017 08:22

YANBU. No point in buying presents for people who bully you and you hardly see. Could you say you don't want to exchange presents anymore because of the distance and hassle?

Do they buy for your DD?

If you still feel you want to buy something, set yourself a £10 budget max.


Underthemoonlight · 20/06/2017 08:27

They buy birthday present and at Christmas if they come up but that's down to his DW I think. I know when my dps aren't around anymore we will not have contact. I would have always got a present for a baby it's just the wording of the message and especially as that was the first time since he holiday he spoke to me and even then he can't be bothered to engage in a conversation with me.

OP posts:

Chloe84 · 20/06/2017 08:42

Life is too short to force yourself to exchange presents with people who don't value you.

As the DW buys for your DD, I would get something for the baby, but certainly not spend £80 again! And don't feel obliged to give them your DD's stuff.

You can always jokingly answer bro back as well.

When he says save for a present for new baby's birthday, reply saying 'did no one teach you that it's rude to ask for gifts 🙂'

When he tells you what to do for parents, tell him 'don't worry, this is between me and the parents 🙂'

With a passive aggressive smiley, you can get away with saying how you really feel.


Blanketdog · 20/06/2017 09:10

I have complicated relationships with some of my siblings - I don't know why but for ages I tried to make our adult relationship something positive and good but the bullying never really stops - they expected me to always do things their way.....and when I stopped and said no, they stopped speaking to me, it has been enormously freeing to be able to finally decide to do whatever I want to when it comes to family. So I still will casually say hello if they are around - but that's it and I don't miss them one bit!
I think you need to examine what you are getting out of this relationship - because from what you've posted it's mostly bad feeling, the money and gifting is a mere distraction.


Underthemoonlight · 20/06/2017 10:04

I would love to go nc unfortunately at this time with my DF ill health and my DM it wouldn't be possible. It's still fairly fresh the holiday and their behaviour. They would never admit to any bad behaviour as they have a superior complex especially his DW who is a social worker believe it not. They spoilt what should have been some precious time for my DF. I've been doing stuff with my DF away from dbro and his wife but it was an time to get away together and make memories not be witness to an episode of jermery Kyle with his wife shouting at him and flouncing off with dniece and then shouting at other dbro. If I behaved like that infront of my inlaw I would be mortified but she didn't. There was atleast four occasions of this.

OP posts:

Blanketdog · 20/06/2017 10:20

I don't think you should go non contact but I do think you should be a bit more self centred. For your own wellbeing. Do things because they make you happy, not to please your brother.

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