To want friends, apart from dh

[limonade2]

I always used to have quite a lot of friends but over the years I don't know they've sort of eroded. I still have one good friend from school but that's it.

I have DH of course and he seems to think it odd that I want female company so much but I do. AIBU?

[limonade2]

No no one - like I say I've only really got my old school friend.

I do some voluntary work and it's nice and I chat to peopl but none of them are 'friends'.

[mygorgeousmilo]

I know moving can make things harder, we've moved loads too. But thanks to all the tech available now, I speak to friends in some way, shape or form, daily. My husband does too. I would say that we both, without a shadow of a doubt, put our family first. It doesn't mean either of us need to be miserable and friendless. We take it in turns to go out, or if the kids are on a rare occasion at my mums, we go out together. Kids have a fab time and so do we. Even now, my youngest is pottering happily out in the garden, I've been out with him for hours, but I've come in for a cuppa and am a.) on mumsnet, and b.) have just whatsapped various friends with all sorts of questions or answers - how's your sick child doing/here's that hotel I was telling you about/does your kid want to play and while we have wine next week/did you hear back from xyz????? Like any relationship, friendships do need some energy and efffort. I'll respond back to them all this evening again, will take ten minutes probably. I feel like your situation is either directly or indirectly related to him being controlling. You can reconnect and meet up with old friends, socialise with parents of your kids' friends, email someone you haven't seen in a while and see if they're free soon for a catch up. What would the potential consequences be if you found an old friend on Facebook and met up with them - would it be a huge issue?

[limonade2]

I think they've moved on now really?

[limonade2]

I think they've moved on now really?

[mygorgeousmilo]

People don't necessarily "move on" from friendships. Sometimes you lose touch and can reconnect, that's why I'm asking if it's your controlling DH that's making you feel like you can't. Same goes for being a parent, I think when they're tiny, yes, it can be lonely, but once they're bigger there are so many opportunities to socialise. Some of it can be a case of needing to be brave - just saying to another parent "shall we grab a coffee?" And not feeling bad if someone says no, is a big step forwards. You need some kind of opportunity to build up your confidence. If you actually actively want to have friends and to socialise, then you need to put yourself out there.

[pinkyredrose]

Have you thought about getting rid of the controlling husband? Might make you happier.

[Louiselouie0890]

I'm the same. Been with OH since left school. All my school friends moved the country for uni etc. Instead of out with friends I was enjoying time with OH so now I have no friends lol I'm trying local bay group but I'm so out of touch with small talk I can't get started lol

[limonade2]

I have thought about it. But to be honest I'd just be swapping one crappy life for another!

[coconutpie]

How is he controlling?

[Shoxfordian]

Why would life be crap without him? Sounds better to me

[limonade2]

Oh, I'd have no money, be alone all the time, no support with the children.

[Shoxfordian]

You'd get a job; meet someone better and make new friends

[bungle99]

OP, can appreciate that being SAHM can be lonely. How old are your DC? Are they all at school? If so can you get very small part time job to meet people? Or toddler groups if you have a young one?
Every time I also gone through life change such as move/pregnancy I've lost friends, but thankfully retained a few and getting back in touch with old friends now.

[rolopolovolo]

Why would you have no money? You'd be entitled to child support.

[MatildaTheCat]

Old friends are generally delighted to hear from a person they've lost touch with. Join FB if you haven't already and search a bit, it's easy and fun.

If you've decided to stay in a marriage you describe as 'crappy' then please,moor the love of god look at ways of improving your happiness. Having friends is vastly important to most of us and your 'D'H has done a number on you to suggest otherwise.

Look for ways of meeting new people and work up the confidence to invite a few people for a coffee or join a book club etc. And practice standing up to your husband. Nothing changes overnight but small changes make a difference.

And have an exit plan in case you change your mind.

[limonade2]

I doubt that Shox

I'm not sure what it is. I've tried a variety of things - voluntary work and bits of paid work and toddler groups and I don't make friends through them. I do meet and chat to people but I find people mostly have their own friendship groups. I wonder if there's a bit of a window for making friends sometimes.

[OliveSoap]

Maybe you are unconsciously exuding unhappiness when around other people, OP? Unfairly, as I know to my own cost, the times I have been lowest, loneliest and most in need of friends, I've been least able to make them. Or, in some cases, to see the potential friends who were actually there before my eyes. Someone who subsequently became a close friend told me years later that he'd asked me out and tried to include me in things, but I hadn't seemed to notice.

[limonade2]

I don't think so. I'm pretty cheery and upbeat.

[pinkyredrose]

Don't you think you'll be happier when you're a free agent and not in a dysfunctional unhealthy relationship?