Background: My DH has a friend who's divorced and has a 6 year old son from that marriage. We have 3 DC, the older two are 6 and 4 and usually enjoy playing with most of our friends' children, including this boy. I get along with the boy's mum who DH and I have known for many years even before the breakup. My DH has been friends with this boy's dad for many years. The boy is obviously more attached to his mum as when the breakup happened he was still very young and the father was working abroad. Now that DH's friend is back in the country he is trying hard to spend time with his son and be involved in his life. All good and actually none of my business, neither do I want it to be.
We usually see this boy and his mum every couple of months for play dates, birthdays etc. However since his dad (DH's friend) has been back in the county my DH is getting phone calls very frequently (every other day sometimes) asking if our children can meet to play. His friend often suggests going out to a nearby fun fare which naturally gets young children very excited. The thing is sometimes it is not convenient for us to meet (we also have a 4month old baby now) or we may just want to stay in to relax rather than spend an afternoon and lots of money on electronic games at a loud fun fare . My DH ends up saying yes to him most of the times as friend has no other friends with children that age and DH feels sorry for the boy. I am however extremely annoyed that DH's friend seems to be using my DH's kindness and our DC to keep his son happy with him on the days he has contact with him (up to now his son would often refuse being with him as he finds it boring). I get that he is DH's friend and things must be difficult for him, but for me this is getting overbearing. Especially as DH finds it hard to say no. Instead of spending quality one to one time with his son building a much needed bond, DH's friend insists on meeting with us so our DC can play.
Today DH and I went as far as having an argument over the frequency of these meetings when his friend phoned to invite us again. I said I can't do this so frequently and DH said he is doing it for the boy's sake. I am very close to ringing the boy's mum (who I know well) and asking her how to tackle this. She may not know this is happening on the contact days of her DS with his dad and honestly I hate to tell on DH's friend in this way. I don't want to be rude or unfair to DH's friend. But he is manipulative and intrusive. I am hoping the mum can talk to her son and explain he doesn't need to go with his dad just because he is promising a fun time with our children. However if I do this I will risk being disliked by DH's friend if he finds out I talked with his ex about this. DH's friend will need to find a more honest way to inspire his son. AIBU? What would you suggest i do? My DH will never be firm or impolite to his friend so not really an option.
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AIBU?
Manipulative and intrusive friend using our DC
69 replies
LoveToReadAibu247 · 16/04/2017 23:57
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