To think DS needs to revise on holiday?

[JustinAndrew]

We go away in a few days (to Spain) and most of it will be spent relaxing. Exams are pretty much on his doorstep as soon as he is back. AIBU to think he should be doing some revision while on holiday?

[KoalaDownUnder]

Borders - if that's what works for you and your adult child, great.

I was referring to the fact that some posters think parents should never plan a holiday for themselves without fitting it around their grown children's exam timetables.

Which is, frankly, bollocks.

[SallyGinnamon]

I think a chilled out holiday in the sun is actually the perfect environment for revising 

Or it's even better AFTER the exams for chilling out and a reward for lots of hard work.

[SallyGinnamon]

The DS is an 18-year-old adult. Why would his parents need to plan their holidays around his exam times?!

Ummm. Because we love them and want to be able to enjoy the time together? Why plan it at a difficult time for one member of the family?

I wouldn't book a hol at the tax year end and say 'Sorry DH you'll need to spend each morning skyping work because it's a really busy time but hay ho it suits the rest of us!'

We book at a good time for everyone.

[ErrolTheDragon]

I'm really looking forward to next year being allowed to go on holiday with DH easter and May, if we want - no longer 'staff' for DD. ( I work half time, DH is retired so honestly, she's working way harder than we are at the moment). And also looking forward to the start of the July when we can all go sailing together!

She's not working all the time during this break - its about balance, isn't it, and you hope that by 18 they've figured out for themselves what works for them. If the OP's DS is having to retake AS it sounds as though maybe he's behind the curve on this and needs a bit more active support. Maybe it wasn't a great idea to plan a holiday right now, not without a clear idea of whether that would allow him sufficient work time.

[Phantommagic]

I just feel sorry for the teachers who will have to explain any less than expected results.

[Crunchyside]

I think a chilled out holiday in the sun is actually the perfect environment for revising

[Badbadbunny]

It's HIS future at stake. If he doesn't want to revise then it's him who risks lower grades and reduced future choices in terms of further education and careers. Revising during a holiday isn't a punishment - it's him it will affect so either he's motivated enough to want to do his best or he isn't and risks taking his chances.

But I do agree, it's not a good time to go away on holiday. Even the most motivated student will struggle to revise when everyone around them is enjoying themselves doing fun things. Perhaps you can arrange the days so that there's time for fun but also quiet time when revision can happen - after all, no-one needs to be revising all day, every day - 2 or 3 hours per day is probably fine, maybe in the evening if you can organise an early evening meal so that there are 2/3 hours between your meal and bedtime where some serious revision could happen.

[KoalaDownUnder]

I agree with you on that!

I just disagree with the posters on this thread chastising the 'selfish' parents for booking a holiday when an adult DS is doing exams. He can come or not come, revise it not revise, as he wishes.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

Well seeing as he's an 18 year old adult. His parents should not really be dictating when hr revises.
They can't be adults one minute and children the next.

[KoalaDownUnder]

God alone knows What possessed you to book a holiday at such a crucial time

Gosh, the drama.

The DS is an 18-year-old adult. Why would his parents need to plan their holidays around his exam times?!

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

YABVU. Its his holiday as well. You expect him to be revising while you're basking in the sun and frolicking in the pool.
God alone knows What possessed you to book a holiday at such a crucial time

[Phantommagic]

A few dedicated souls may revise well on holiday. Most 18 year old will struggle and will prefer sun, swimming and drinking.

[Ontopofthesunset]

Missing the point of the thread... So Ragwort, your parents left you at home at the age of 12 when they went on holiday? How bizarre and probably illegal now. Most of the older teenagers I know still go on holiday with their parents sometimes and with their friends when money permits.

My children have often had homework and sometimes revision to take with them on holiday, though we haven't gone away for more than a weekend before any major exams eg GCSES, A levels.

[Emphasise]

How do you avoid family holidays at 12yo

My teens get plenty of freedom to do their own thing, but they also seem to genuinely enjoy being at home and on holiday with family. That can't be a bad thing.

[catlover1987]

I remember going on holiday over the easter holidays and taking textbooks and past papers with me. I didn't mind so much and just sat on the balcony in the sun.

[Ragwort]

Hulababy - I was referring to myself at 12/13 when I said I would never have gone on holiday with my parents - I just wouldn't have. However we are taking our 16 year old on holiday this year but it has been a struggle to find something we will all enjoy. Obviously I can't say for sure but I would hope by the time he is 18/19 he will want to be holidaying with friends or doing summer camps as a young leader or similar. I don't expect to be taking my grown up child on holiday in the future.

When I was a university student (in the 70s) I used to work in the holidays so again, wouldn't have gone on holiday with my parents. In those days many of us would go off inter-railing, volunteering etc with friends for holidays - perhaps times change?

I appreciate every family is different - neither is right or wrong but I was just expressing my personal views - as I said earlier, I do actually now holiday with my elderly parents .

[Hulababy]

And me and dh have plenty to chat about when without Dd, we manage just fine - more than fine. By we will also be happy to have Dd come in holiday with us when she is a student too and yes, we will offer to pay.

Chances are many older teens wouldn't holiday with parents if they had to pay as they have limited money and resources - so it would be one or the other. Given the choose of both and one being paid for many jump At the chance and why wouldn't they if they enjoy spending time with heir family?

[Hulababy]

And many teenagers do both - holiday with parents and holiday with friends. In our case also throw in a holiday or two with friends as well. No doubt in 2/3 years time Dd will do a holiday without us and with friends as well; knowing Dd she is also likely to want to come away with us as well as she does love her holidays and we will be likely going to places she and her friends probably couldn't afford on their own - so best of both worlds: two or more holidays, but with two different groups of people.

So yes 15 is different to 18/21 but as your post actually says you wouldn't have dreamt of going on holiday with parents from 12/13 it was relevant. And personally I find that though quite sad.

I know several older teens who still enjoy holidays with their parents but also enjoy a holiday with their own friends too.

[Hulababy]

Ragwort - your post states from 12/13y

[WineAndTiramisu]

Ragwort

It's a retake year hmm - of course he should be revising.

I can't understand why you are taking a 21 and 18 year old on holiday anyway - talk about snowflake generation, I wouldn't have dreamed of going on holiday with my parents after age 12/13.

I find that quite sad really... I'm 33 and still go away with my parents occasionally, and certainly did every time as a teenager. We get on very well and have fun! Think it says more about your family then the OP's really.

[MargaretCavendish]

my point is that I feel that teenagers (and I have one of my own) should be off doing their own thing on holiday - certainly that's what I did when I was younger, it was all about wanting your own independence.

Why would it be either/or? I started going away with friends (for a few days, in the UK) when I was 16 (would anyone really think it was a good idea for a group of 14 year olds to be holidaying alone? How many accommodation providers would even accept a group of unaccompanied minors?), but carried on going away with my family into my twenties. They were very different, but I enjoyed both and I don't think it stunted my independence... To be honest, I think I'd have been pretty upset if my parents had told me at 15 that I was 'too old' to come on holiday with them.

[Ragwort]

Hulababy - 15 is a bit different to 18/21 though isn't it?

i do appreciate all families are different but I have friends who seem so desperate to 'cling on' to their children that they are still paying for their holidays when they are late 20s - one of my friends actually admits that she hates the thought of just her and DH holidaying alone as they have nothing to talk about to each other .

Personally I do not see the 'fun' in taking teenagers on holiday but then perhaps I have a difficult teenager .

[SuperBeagle]

but my point is that I feel that teenagers (and I have one of my own) should be off doing their own thing on holiday

Sure, but what teenager in 2017 can afford to do that?

[Ragwort]

It's a shame that you have such a difficult relationship with your parents, but I don't see why it means that OP shouldn't have a happy and healthy one.

Actually I do now go on holiday with my parents - I am nearly 60 and they are in their 80s but my point is that I feel that teenagers (and I have one of my own) should be off doing their own thing on holiday - certainly that's what I did when I was younger, it was all about wanting your own independence. I wonder if so many teenagers and young adults would choose to go on holiday with their parents if they had to pay for themselves .

Anyway, that is getting away from the discussion about revision.

[Hulababy]

Ragwort - 15y Dd loves holidays and would hate to stay home whilst we went away. We have a great relationship and enjoy each other's company. Nothing to do with snowflakes etc. It's just part of normal family life and I for one am happy that Dd likes to spend time with us.

We are currently planning a summer holiday to Canada and Florida which Dd is involved in planning, we fly to Portugal tomorrow, we went to Disney in February and we have just booked to go to Spain in October. All with Dd. And she already had made suggestions for next summer. I can't see her not wanting to come away with us when we choose holidays she will enjoy and we are paying! Why wouldn't she want to come abroad on holiday with us?!

As for holidays before exams - if GCSE and A levels then I wouldn't be going at Easter personally. It's nigh on impossible to focus on revision when on holiday and the sun is shining outside. We already have decided they'll be no Easter and May half term holiday next year for any of us - Dd to revise and us to support.