Child taken into care for being locked in the bedroom all night...

[Raisensaretoddlercrack]

Today this popped up on my news feed;

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/04/02/grandparents-claim-child-taken-away-social-services-locked-bedroom/

I imagine the child was already on the radar of social care, however it did panic me a bit because we have a lock on our DDs' bedroom door and it has made me reevaluate.

It's just a small slide bathroom door lock that we use instead of a baby gate to stop our 2 and 3 year old exploring after we have put them to bed. We thought it would be safer than a gate as if they could open the door they would mess about with it and risk getting fingers caught in the hinges. We still use a video monitor as they like to play for a while before going to sleep so they are still supervised. They have never asked us to leave the door open so it doesn't distress them in any way. For context, their bedtime routine is good and they are always happy to go to bed.

When we go to bed we open the door to their room so it is ajar and use a gate at the stop of the stairs in case of night time wandering. We leave our door ajar so they can come in to wake us in the morning with cuddles.

The lock is very flimsy and with a bit of pressure would open easily in event of a fire/emergency ect.

AIBU to lock them in their bedroom in the above circumstances or do I need to take it off? I'm doubting myself now! Thank you.

[InvisibleKittenAttack]

Don't lock them in. It's just... horrible.

Put the youngest to bed earlier alone if need be, you can read the stories to the eldest in your room before moving to their shared bedroom for snuggles.

I assume at least the 3 year old is toilet trained, what if they need the loo? Do they have to shout for you to let them out? That just feels wrong. It's not teaching them normal behaviour at all.

Lock off, stair gate at the top of the stairs.

[EdenX]

Lots of 2 and 3 year olds will be unable to get out of their rooms at night - either because they're in a cot, or behind a stairgate, or because they can't reach the door handle. What's the difference with a lock?

[angelikacpickles]

I think you need to let them play together downstairs for an hour and make bedtime an hour later.

[garlicansapphire]

Never had a lock or a gate anywhere in a house full of stairs. No locks on cupboards either. Not a single accident - DCs just learnt to be safe and with kindness to do what they were guided to.

I'm not comfortable with locking children in - even with surveillance - aren't we supposed to go to them if they are messing about or ill or upset? Mine did sometimes come downstairs if they were upset or ill - and I was glad to give them a cuddle, medicine or take them back to bed. Sorry OP - sounds a bit like being let off going to look after them or actively parenting.

[Historygirl97]

The idea of children being locked in a room really really makes me uncomfortable....
I'm glad you are removing the locks.

[skerrywind]

Lazy parenting to lock a child in a room.

[Twinchaos1]

Just to add that social care will not have a problem with stair gates over bedroom doors just with kids locked in bedrooms using locks on the outside door.

[Falafelings]

Yes I agree that there must have been lots of concerns for the kids to be taken away. Locks on bedroom doors are a red flag though

[unlucky83]

I never locked mine in - I did have a stair gate (extra wide one)
I had it so they could get into our bedroom but not the bathroom or to the stairs -by the time they were out of nappies at night (just over 2 for the youngest one) I moved it to a metre or so from the top of the stairs -but that was more to act as a reminder/prevent an accidental fall if they were half asleep and turned the wrong way or something...
BTW Never put a safety gate right at the top of the stairs - it is really dangerous - if they manage to fall when climbing over it adds the height of the safety gate onto the height they fall downstairs...plus they are more likely to carry on falling if they land on a narrow stair -and don't think because they have never tried before they won't ...because they might
However a PP mentioned fire and the fire brigade getting in - but actually a completely closed door (even with a flimsy lock) would be better than an open door- with or without a safety gate. The door would restrict the entry of smoke into the room - and in a fire smoke inhalation is the biggest killer...and closed doors also hold fire back -giving the fire brigade longer to get someone out through eg a window

[usernjdhkvdgkb]

The Redfords lock their children in their rooms and they are having number 20

[LauraMipsum]

Before I opened the link I thought "hmm, family law, Telegraph, scandalous allegations of evil social services and unaccountable family court - wonder if this features John Hemming."

Unsurprised to see it did.

[Falafelings]

It's very creepy extreame parenting locking a child in their bedroom with the specific intention of only taking the locks off once they are older and calmer.

I would consider this poor and hard parenting.

Look at other methods. Small children have to get used to doors anyway but if you're really worried about fingers being trapped, you can simply buy protectors.

[IloveJudgeJudy]

I haven't rtft, but from what I did read, it seems that the OP is getting a very hard time. I had a stair gate on DS1's room for a short while to stop him wandering as we used to have a square at the top of the stairs and his bedroom soon one side with ours on the other. It's no problem.

What I can't understand is so many people sitting with their DC until they fall asleep. Just, why?

[Twinchaos1]

Social care will not have taken children into care solely because there was a lock on the bedroom door. But it is seen as a clear risk for kids and parents would be asked to remove it if one was noticed in a house visit. There would be a follow up check to make sure that this had happened. This is just to ensure safety in case house fires and the like.

[Oysterbabe]

Yeah it's weird to lock your children in, especially as the reason is that one of them is a bit wild. You need to parent the wild child not imprison it.

[nursy1]

I guess so long as you unlock them when you go to bed it's ok. ( did I understand that tight?). Otherwise what happens if they are ill and need to come in during the night

[rubbbleonthedouble]

I just don't see the point of having a lock on the door, just seems unnecessary.
I don't like the idea of anybody being properly locked inside a room.
I would shut their door but not lock it, and use the stair gate.

[Mcchickenbb41]

@bananmanfan Me & dh sit with ours too actually. We do alternate nights & relax and read while they're getting to sleep. It's actually a bit disappointing how quickly they go to sleep if i'm reading a really good book.

This is exactly what I do. I use the time to Mumsnet

[AllllGooone]

Locks on outside of the doors are a large red flag for social services

[Marshmalloww]

Normal for me would involve more than just locking them in room and going downstairs and listening out till they're asleep.

Normal would be spending probably on average around 30 mins with them, putting both in bed, reading a story, and singing a song while they fall asleep. Then leaving door open and going downstairs, but putting up stair gate. Or tbh just going into bedroom next door to them and going on lap top. ...

In my opinion, they are still at an age where v important to put them properly to bed.

[Marshmalloww]

Normal for me would involve more than just locking them in room and going downstairs and listening out till they're asleep.

Normal would be spending probably on average around 30 mins with them, putting both in bed, reading a story, and singing a song while they fall asleep. Then leaving door open and going downstairs, but putting up stair gate. Or tbh just going into bedroom next door to them and going on lap top. ...

In my opinion, they are still at an age where v important to put them properly to bed.

[chaplin1409]

There will be more to it than that social must of already had worries.
However you put it you are locking your children in their bedroom which is wrong.

[Nellooo]

So "sub-optimal parenting" is a thing now?

I see nothing wrong with what you do. We had a stair gate on DS's room because he was climbing out of his cot from 18m and would roam freely about the house if he woke in the night! We had to make his room safe and "lock" him in there for his own good.

[Whatatododo]

Why do you leave your toddlers playing in a locked room? That doesn't make sense to me. Do they put themselves to bed? Can anyone 'trust' two toddlers to play nicely for a whole hour? They can't see you and you can't see them.

[ineedamoreadultieradult]

Playing together for an hour aftet nursery surely happens before not after bedtime. So what your really saying is you lock them in a room so they can play together for an hour then put themselves to bed whilst you talk to them over the monitor?! Sounds like some weird social experiment to see if kids can cope with a disembodied voice rather than a physically present parent.