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AIBU?

I'm totally not BU but I want someone to rage with please.

51 replies

ChampagneTastes · 31/03/2017 09:55

Took DS to school this morning. As usual am wearing my running kit and haven't yet showered as I'm off for a run (obviously). A Dad dropping his son off looked me up and down and said the following:
Dad: "You know it's not April Fool's until tomorrow right?"
Me: (confused and distracted by sulky small boy): "eh?"
Dad: "Are you going to the gym or something?"
Me: (Still confused) "Yeeeees."
Dad: "I thought it must be an April Fool's joke or something! Hahaha."
Me: "Er. Right. Ok. Bye."

I didn't really understand what he was saying until I walked away (and checked that I didn't have an old pair of knickers hanging from my shorts or something) but he was basically telling me I looked shit, right? Which I know shouldn't bother me (I thought the guy was a dickhead before, this just confirms it) but I wish that I had a witty comeback for next time beyond "fuck off you massive knobber." And because of him I was really self-conscious on my run and was convinced that everyone was staring at me and judging me (it is fair to say that I am not at my most alluring when exercising but that's not really what I'm going for).

Any suggestions for witty comebacks? Needs to be clean enough for a playground setting.

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DonttouchthatLarry · 01/04/2017 15:00

Haha love that carabos

I'd have said 'no shit, Sherlock!' or 'omg, am I in my running gear? Shit, I'm in court in half an hour - do you think they'll notice?'

MatildaTheCat · 01/04/2017 14:47

'What do you mean?' Probably covers it. He will bluff but you just raise your eyebrows and turn to speak to someone else/ check your phone.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 01/04/2017 14:22

I'd have just asked him outright what it was he was trying to say? Underhand twats like him hate being called out.

carabos · 01/04/2017 14:19

How about - "Is there a punchline coming any time soon mate cos I'm in a rush?"

DJBaggySmalls · 01/04/2017 14:13

'Oh bless, are you trying to neg me?'

Wondermoomin · 01/04/2017 14:12

Depends what sort of mood you're in and what sort of person you are.

(A) "You're half right. April is tomorrow, but the fool's right in front of me"

(B) That "look" that Angela Merkel gave when Trump said something stupid about phone tapping when they were both standing at lecterns for a press conference or something. She got that look absolutely perfect - perplexing and withering and very clearing saying "you're an idiot" without saying a word.

I prefer B because I never feel like I can carry off a scathing comeback

MrsTwix · 01/04/2017 13:46

"Have you been sniffing the Pritt Sticks again" is a favourite of mine.

(I had a very funny conversation with a few teenagers some time ago who didn't really understand glue sniffing).

WatchHowISoar · 01/04/2017 12:38

I'd go with ExplodedCloud response or the 'why?'

TheMysteriousJackelope · 31/03/2017 12:44

I think your response was perfectly OK. It was as good as telling him that his 'joke' was so pathetic as to be incomprehensible and that he is weird. Hardly any witty comebacks could have achieved that.

ThisisrealityGreg · 31/03/2017 12:35

If he says anything just shrug your shoulders and say 'whatever' and walk off if you don't want to confront him.

ThisisrealityGreg · 31/03/2017 12:31

I said that I'd probably be quite upset if my house burned down too. I suspect that not laughing along has made me a bit of a target.

Be proud of this! You are way way way the better person. Know that and feel good about yourself.

OhMrBadger · 31/03/2017 12:23

I favour the head tilt, sympathetic face and "oh dear, are we having some trouble down below again?"

PovertyPain · 31/03/2017 12:22

I would just look at him sympathetically and ask in a concerned voice, "do you feel better now?" When he asks what you mean, just answer, "well I assume you're not feeling very good about yourself and that's why you're 'trying' to be funny. I really hope, that now you've done that, you feel better about yourself, poor love". Then shake your head slowly, while walking away. Did this on an arsehole in work once and apparently he went bright red when I walked away. 😁

EpoxyResin · 31/03/2017 12:14

"Yeah, I can see from here the idea of you going to a gym could only be a joke."

Maybe tack on, "it isn't Easter for two weeks ya' know - leave some chocolate for the kids!".

ExplodedCloud · 31/03/2017 12:14

Next time he makes a 'joke', stop, look him in the eye and say 'Look you're really bad at making jokes. Stop embarrassing yourself' and walk off.

MyLittleBoyBlue · 31/03/2017 12:02

Oh god, this sort of thing makes my blood boil. You need to have him killed. Definitely. The world will be a better place without him. I bet he was a school bully.

Renaissance2017 · 31/03/2017 12:02

To be honest he sounds socially awkward.

K425 · 31/03/2017 12:02

Dad: "I thought it must be an April Fool's joke or something! Hahaha."
Me: "Er. Right. Ok. Bye."

Alternatively:
Me: "Why?"

It's amazing how they flounder when asked to explain their utterances!

EffinElle · 31/03/2017 11:59

I don't think he fancies you, he's just being a rude cunt.

fiveohclockandallswell · 31/03/2017 11:58

He's trying to get the upper hand as some men tend to do. It makes them feel big to try to belittle women.

^^This, totally. Look right through him in future, because that's how important that kind of remark is.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 31/03/2017 11:57

Yesterday a group of parents were stood around talking about a fire that had taken place locally. He made a joke about the poor man whose home it was, standing outside the house looking upset. I said that I'd probably be quite upset if my house burned down too. I suspect that not laughing along has made me a bit of a target

Ugh. I hope that nobody actually laughed. What an unpleasant man he sounds like.

And you are not BU re his expectation that you should live to provide him with visual pleasure either. Next time, give him a whiff of your pits and say 'I ain't even showered mate - I smell as good as I look'.

MissClimpsonsTypingBureau · 31/03/2017 11:37

What kind of person makes a joke about someone whose house has burnt down being upset? What an unpleasant person.

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boolifooli · 31/03/2017 11:36

I'm not brilliant at confrontation.

You're over building this. Really, he sounds socially inept rather than aggressive.

boolifooli · 31/03/2017 11:34

So he was probably caught off guard. I reckon he knows his joke fell flat on its face.

ChampagneTastes · 31/03/2017 11:33

Thank you, yes you're right ThisisrealityGreg. I know I shouldn't let it bother me but I'm now on edge for pick up as I'm readying myself for what he might say this time. I'm not brilliant at confrontation.

Yesterday a group of parents were stood around talking about a fire that had taken place locally. He made a joke about the poor man whose home it was, standing outside the house looking upset. I said that I'd probably be quite upset if my house burned down too. I suspect that not laughing along has made me a bit of a target.

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