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AIBU?

To think that DSS isn't being a bully

139 replies

Mrbluethecatt · 20/03/2017 20:00

So there is a bit of backstory.

My DSS is 13. His DM died when he was less than a year old. He is in 2nd year at secondary school.

Last year another boy A started bullying DSS. It started low level making fun of him, taking DSS's stuff, it escalated to A saying things about DSS'S DM and eventually A punching DSS in school. A was suspended for 2 weeks after the punch. This happened last may. A has a history of bullying other kids and has been suspended for kicking a girl a few weeks into starting secondary.

Since September A has stopped bullying DSS. After the punch DSS spoke to his guidance counselor who agreed DSS should try to deflect and avoid A if DSS feels threatened in class and tell the teacher.

Since September DSS has formed a great friendship with a bunch of kids (boys and girls) who he hangs with a play and lunch and is in a number of lunchtime clubs. As they are school based clubs A is in one of the clubs.

If A come to speak to DSS, DSS gives yes no answers and usually walks away. He doesn't want to interact with A and only does the minimum. At lunch club today that A also goes to A sat next to DSS so DSS got up and moved to another seat. It was Minecraft club so they played at lunch and some of DSS's friends play online after school with DSS. A asked to join. DSS didn't say no. He said nothing it was another girl that said no.

I got a call from school saying that A's mum has reported DSS for bullying and excluding A in school. I am meeting school tomorrow.

Aibu to think DSS isn't bullying A and while A is being excluded it isn't DSS's fault.

OP posts:

Report

SinisterBumFacedCat · 22/03/2017 00:11

A's true colours revealed then, not really surprised.

Op I think you and your DSS have dealt with this brilliantly.

PlectrumElectrum · 22/03/2017 00:10

DSS wants nothing to do with A. DSS thinks A is setting him up to get back at him later. A has form for this.

I think your DSS has been very astute & has the measure of A. And he's dealt with this really well. His restraint & ability to walk away & not react to A has really served him well. Fingers crossed A gets moved on & your DSS won't have to deal with him from now on.

GabsAlot · 22/03/2017 00:05

that mask slipped quickly

showing his true colours-wonder how his mother will spin this one

CauliflowerSqueeze · 21/03/2017 23:34

Your DSS has handled this perfectly. Of course he doesn't have to be friends with someone who has behaved like this towards him. Refusing to engage with him is perfectly acceptable.
I am also really really pleased he didn't retaliate when A insulted you. A would have loooooved that. The fact he disengaged and reported it means that the school can deal with it properly without the muddying of DSS saying something back or hitting him.

MrsTwix · 21/03/2017 23:25

So picturetools,

What's your story with this latest update? Still think he's just a poor little misunderstood boy? Or have you realised yet that he is a manipulative rude little shit?

Astro55 · 21/03/2017 23:21

You reap what you sow

Sounds like poor A has been sobbing to his DM - he isn't sorry - he just wants to get back at your DSS because he's probably 'suprised' that DSS is more popular that he is - either that or he wants a way in to the parties and sees DSS as a means to an end.

You sound like a seriously good step mother with her head screwed on!

(I hope As mother was called into school today) HT sounds like a good person as well

pikapoo · 21/03/2017 23:00

Best of luck OP, sounds like things are moving in the right direction

PictureTools - I don't think anyone is disputing the importance of having compassion, but in this scenario it seems that one may need to be cruel to be kind (i.e. do the right thing even it rankles A and he doesn't like it), so to speak.

flippinada · 21/03/2017 22:45

Clearly not a reformed character then! Sounds like your DSS handled it well though and the school have a handle on it.

Best of luck going forward .

Falafelings · 21/03/2017 20:03

Yes email is great. Creates a paper trail if ever needed

Mrbluethecatt · 21/03/2017 19:49

Hopefully the school will move A.

The HT only started 3 years ago, the school had a bad reputation for bullying which has been cracked down on since he started. I don't know what has been done to council, educate A to stop his behaviour. Not that i should know. If A isn't moved DH and i will complain direct to the LA (in Scotland so no governors).

OP posts:

zzzzz · 21/03/2017 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DartmoorDoughnut · 21/03/2017 19:30

Such a surprise!

ClemDanfango · 21/03/2017 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Falafelings · 21/03/2017 18:53

The boy shows his true colours again

Champers4Pampers · 21/03/2017 18:11

Hmm, I wonder where he heard that choice phrase?

It doesn't the sound like he's remorseful at all.

Spadequeen · 21/03/2017 17:56

Yeah, really sounds remourseful and like he's changed.

Mrbluethecatt · 21/03/2017 17:51

Just picked up DSS from school. Apparently A come up to DSS at lunch and called me a fat fuck with shite hair .

DSS told the teacher on lunch duty who then went to the HT office with A. A didn't come back to class for the afternoon.

I've emailed the HT and have asked what is being done. DH is back tonight so we will need to decide what our next steps are.

OP posts:

JustSpeakSense · 21/03/2017 17:40

You sounded professional and caring in the meeting.

^this

And a force to be reckoned with, I said it upthread and I'll say it again, Your DSS is very lucky to have you fighting his corner. Well done.

youarenotkiddingme · 21/03/2017 17:12

Meeting sounds perfect and what you said was spot on.

DSS actions are what he believes are in his best interests to protect himself. If he's just walking off somewhere else that is not bullying.

RebootYourEngine · 21/03/2017 17:11

Glad your dss is being supported by you and the school. A and his mum need to get a grip and grow up.

pointythings · 21/03/2017 17:02

Well done, OP. And I've just learned something - there's an apologist for everything...

Falafelings · 21/03/2017 16:55

You sounded professional and caring in the meeting. Not smug

Falafelings · 21/03/2017 16:54

Perfect outcome from the head, guidance teacher and yourself.

LadyPW · 21/03/2017 16:48

"I pointed this out to the HT"

You sound a little smug.

Really? It sounds like a good mother sticking up for her child against a bully to me.
(Glad the meeting went well OP)

flippinada · 21/03/2017 14:48

That sounds like a positive outcome OP - nor do you sound remotely smug, more like a caring parent who has her DSS' interests at heart.

It sounds very much like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in A's case. Even if he was a completely reformed character (who knows, although it sounds unlikely) it's still not DSS responsibility to make him feel better. Glad that the meeting reinforced he's doing the right thing - and that DSS knows you have his back.

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