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AIBU?

To wonder if I should have been told about allegations against my daughter and her teacher?

167 replies

Mumoftmtocount · 18/02/2017 11:16

DD1 is 16 and has become close, in a jokey/friendly way,with her history teacher since he began at her school last October.

DD is mature for her age and gets on well with adults rather than kids. Teacher is mid 20s,James corden kind of looks, nice personality.

DD informs me that yesterday, she was called into see her guidance tutor and asked if she has feelings for history teacher.

Allegedly a parent raised the concern. I however wasn't informed at all.

AIBU to think this whole thing is so out of line?

(DD has no feelings for him btw)

OP posts:

Report

2014newme · 20/02/2017 21:31

Chatting to a,teacher in class couldn't really be described as 'close' though could it. There must be more to the report than your dd chatting to a teacher during class.
How embarrassing for your poor dd, people talking about it in the playground. Cringe. Hopefully it will soon die down.

Mumoftmtocount · 20/02/2017 19:42

Thanks ladies! It was a good ending, and I'll chat to her later tonight

OP posts:

Graphista · 20/02/2017 19:07

Hope all stays well good to talk to her about boundaries

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 18:07

Sounds like a happy and sensible resolution. Phew!

Mumoftmtocount · 20/02/2017 18:00

ILoveDolly my daughter told me that the tutor had told it was a parent, which I was initially unsure about, but then when I phoned up this morning the tutor told me the same. I had initially though similar (that it was the teacher himself) but I think the guidance tutor wouldn't have said it was a parent had that been the case?

My bets are, because I was told it was playground goss, one kid went home and told their parents she 'fancied' him and then they went from there..

OP posts:

ILoveDolly · 20/02/2017 17:49

Maybe the teacher himself brought it up and you've presumed it was a parent?

Mumoftmtocount · 20/02/2017 17:44

In response to a query from earlier, I am not a teacher and don't work in DC school. However, because it is pretty small you do get to know the main staff members pretty well. (Also had quite a few dealings with SLT/guidance last year to do with my DS)

When I say 'two and a half' guidance tutors I mean there are meant to be five but two are off sick long-term, with one having a staged recovery back - hence the 'half'!

OP posts:

Mumoftmtocount · 20/02/2017 17:40

Sorry for the delay, folks!

Got through to DD's school today and spoke to the guidance tutor, who reassured me that it was just 'playground gossip' and they obviously had to follow it up because it is protocol, but they found nothing to worry about! (Didn't tell DD I'd phoned because I don't want to embarrass her..)

I think they are 'close' in terms of chatting in class etc, but I will have a chat with her about boundaries and that sort of thing. I remember her expressing disgust back when the whole Jeremy Forrest situation was going on, so I think her reaction will be more 'ew, Mum, how could you think that'.

Thanks for all the help, everyone

OP posts:

FellOutOfBed2wice · 20/02/2017 10:32

No Rubies we both got a telling off and warned not to do it again. We didn't listen- but the law was much different then (I'm talking twenty years ago) and I was over the age of consent. Nowadays you could well be fired for hanging around in a pub with a pupil. Then we just learn to hide it better.

leghoul · 20/02/2017 10:07

I was the 16 year old as well I once and it was spotted by others - I think it's absolutely right the school approached her first. She's 16. However now that you know it's okay for you to approach the school. What you describe in terms of the relationship does not sound appropriate.

Rubies12345 · 20/02/2017 09:53

So what happened FellOutOfBed? Did he get the sack?

FellOutOfBed2wice · 20/02/2017 08:21

I had an affair with my teacher. I got spoken to after we were spotted out in (what we thought was a) secluded pub, far from school. Are you sure something like that hasn't happened, OP?

OurBlanche · 20/02/2017 08:19

Apparently I have a few of them, mainly replacement swear words - hollyhocks!

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 08:15

I shall add this word to my lexicon!

OurBlanche · 20/02/2017 08:00

Oops! I thought the sentence after the word explained it!

Spangling my word, describing that heightened, brightened, avid look people get when looking at the object of a fleeting lust!

Specifically when 1 person is unavailable, unaware, disinterested:
To look at bright eyed and hopeful
Te speak in a slightly excited manner, usually with an attempt at direct eye contact
For teachers specifically: to use an older, safe person as flirting practice, whether knowingly or not!

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 19/02/2017 22:46

Spangling is not a teaching term! It must be a dialect word for mooning over someone... spangly eyed??

Graphista · 19/02/2017 22:34

As all your info so far is only from one source you don't really know anything yet.

That said if school had concerns of an inappropriate dynamic between MY 16 year old dd and a teacher damn right I'd want to be contacted!

Not rtft, ops posts and some replies.

Honestly I'd be thinking

There IS something to worry about

School DON'T know yet but your dd has said something of concern to a friend, friend has told their mum and mum has said she's going to call school and friend has told your dd this. Dd wanted to get her side in before you DO hear from school.

Your tone is worrying. Children that gravitate towards adults tend to be IMMATURE if anything and seeking to appear mature, validation, approval, protection...

If my dd was 'close' to a teacher I'd have already been discussing boundaries, appropriate relationships, and be keeping a damn close eye on things! I'd have also already called the school and discussed (in a non accusatory way, teens do get crushes) with them my concerns and could they keep an eye too and discuss with teacher concerned.

friendlyflicka · 19/02/2017 22:06

Is it a technical teaching term?

AlexanderBerry · 19/02/2017 22:05

Thanks. I don't know what it means either

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 19/02/2017 21:46

OurBlanche at 18.20 yesterday said 'spangling'!

It's also what hoovers were originally called. I imagine that's not what it means to Blanche either...

AlexanderBerry · 19/02/2017 21:34

What time did someone write spangling so i can find the post.

callmeadoctor · 19/02/2017 21:28

Will somebody tell me what bloody "spangling" is?

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AlexanderBerry · 19/02/2017 21:28

Seventies sweets?

friendlyflicka · 19/02/2017 21:06

ILikeBeansWithKetchup I immediately thought of those lovely seventies sweets - I don't understand anything any more...

bigearsthethird · 19/02/2017 20:25

Would it be possible the teacher was unsure that your daughters attention was becoming inappropriate even if it wasn't meant like that at all by her and he didn't feel like the best suited to approach that subject with her. So another teacher did just to make sure that the teacher wasn't correct and no inappropriate feelings were there?

Doesn't explain it raised by another parent though. When I was at school there was a particular male re teacher, young readinably good looking that a bunch of girls all fancied like mad. He was really fun and nice and my parents thought he was a good teacher, not as stuffy as some of them there at the time! He did love the attention but he also used to meet up with these girls after school at places like the roller skating or parks sometimes. There were rumours he was sleeping with one of them going round for ages and it only got dealt with when one girls mother saw him outside school kiss this girl he was supposedly sleeping with. She would have been 15 or 16. I can't remember what happened but he moved schools.

If your daughter does have feelings for him I hope he is making sure he doesn't act on them and this is an intervention on his part

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