AIBU to think that after a play date you text/message the host to say 'thank you for having us'?

[Caramelbutthorn]

Just that really!

The other afternoon I got a text from a mum at 1.20 to say her son was 'desperate' to see my child and were we busy. I suggested she came at 2 and she said she'd be there at 2.15pm. There was no mention of me providing tea, I thought as it was early that tea would not be needed. She arrived at 3.15 with no apology for being so late. After a little while she started dropping hints about tea and him being hungry so I put some pizza express pizzas in the oven with some dough balls, they then ate their way through two packs of strawberries. They finally left at 5.30ish.

I heard nothing from her all that night so the following morning sent her a text to say 'thank you for coming over, it was lovely to see you'. I've still heard nothing from her. AIBU to expect some kind of acknowledgment of the play date? Or even a thank you. Even a quick 'thanks it was nice' would be appreciated. Maybe I'm expecting too much?

[LolDeLol]

I wouldn't have texted to say thank you as I would have said thank you on the way out.

I would have replied to the OP's thank you for coming text though.

[smellyboot]

I took would wonder why she stayed unless they under 4 or even 3 if good friends and then I'd wonder why she needed company so badly that she was desperate to come over and hang out.
I'm more used to texts to say 'if you are free x would love to meet up at mine or yours for a play' or 'I'm desperate to go shoppping without x in tow. Any chance x can play at yours for an hour' or even 'my child is really bored and driving me nuts, can I borrow your child to come and play today?'
I'd normally just say thanks at the time and offer to repay the visit if mine went to a friends

[KitKat1985]

Did you thank you at the time as she left? Because if so I think that's fine. I don't understand the need for a 'follow-up thank you'.

[CeeceeBloomingdale]

She didn't invite herself around, she asked if you were free and you invited her over at a certain time. She may have been expecting to meet in a softplay place or at her own house.

I only tend to have 'play dates ' when I know the mum well and we enjoy a natter over a cuppa. It's a tit for tat thing so the host provides a meal, the guest brings cakes etc. A verbal thank you is enough for me

[Karmann]

So what do you think people did before mobile phones?

[Jellybean83]

Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. Occasionally it pops into my head if DS excessively talks about what a good time he had and my mind isn't on other things, other times I'm busy making dinner or some other such mundane thing and I just don't. One of DS' friends mum's always texts so I try to make a conscious effort to text her. All the others are like me though, sometimes do sometimes don't.

[LucklessMonster]

A 'thank you' is appropriate. Why does it need to be by text?

She is rude for ignoring your text (and a host of other reasons...), but not for not sending one in the first place.

[Shakey15000]

I'm probably overly polite and wouldn't have been late in the first place would have apologised to the hilt for being late and wouldn't have dropped any hints about being hungry.Had you done food eitherway I'd have thanked you at the door and sent a "thanks again" text. Definitely would have responded to your text.

[ShatnersBassoon]

Surely she thanked you as she left. That's sufficient.

[yumyumpoppycat]

I wouldnt generally expect a thank you text after a play date, but I would have expected a reply to the text where you said thanks for coming it was lovely to see you. The tea thing in that situation is tricky but I wouldn't expect to have to put on pizza for a 2 hour play date with the mum there, biscuits, coffee and a couple of punnets of strawberries fair enough

[ApproachingATunnel]

I agree with whoever said mum might be struggling. It's as if she realised half through the day 'shit, no food in the house and no money to get anything' and hence invited herself for playdate... It's rude of her not to text back but perhaps she's embarrassed? If your child enjoyed the visit then i'd let it go. She did sound desperate with the playdate, perhaps she needs a bit of kindness

[BarbarianMum]

I thank people in person when I collect my child and child does same. Never sent a "Thank you" text, never received one.

[Italiangreyhound]

I do, if I remember. But I am very forgetful.

But I think you should not have thanked her for coming when you didn't really mean it. Better to say nothing, IMHO.

I think next time she drops hints about coming over (unless she is seriously financially strapped) I would say great, you came to us last time so we can come to you.

[JeffreySadsacIsUnwell]

I wouldn't text after unless I had something else to say, but I wouldn't have invited myself, hinted about tea etc. Sounds like the woman's depressed and lonely.

If one of my DC are 'desperate' to play with another child, I'd invite the other child to ours. If I'm 'desperate' for a glass of wine and adult company, I say so and leave the kids out if it

[JeffreySadsacIsUnwell]

I would have said thank you at the time though!!

[minionsrule]

To be honest, and only dealing with your question about the text here is my take:
If I had said thanks for having us as I left, I would not expect to have to text thanks as well.
If I got a text the next morning from the 'host' saying thanks for coming over' quite frankly I would be a bit and wonder why you were thanking me the day after.
Sorry but that's my view and I am probably overly polite

[Aeroflotgirl]

She sounds rude, tea at 3.15, I would have asked that they shoukd have eaten lunch. I would not have them round, but meet up outside.

[conserveisposhforjam]

I think everyone is missing the point a bit.

Those were Pizza Express pizzas the ungrateful wretches were eating. And motherfucking DOUGH BALLS.

And then they left without so much as a lavender scented Cath Kidston print thank you note.

HAVE THEY NO SHAME?

[Ordinarily]

Normally you just say thank you to the host as you leave. No need for anything else.

As you've texted her, you could reasonably expect a reply. But if she's possibly depressed/lonely, and finding it really hard to get to places at the right time and be organised, it isn't so much of a surprise if she hasn't replied yet.

If she suggests meeting up again you could drop hints that it's her turn to have you round there.

[Caramelbutthorn]

She's really strange. This was her first playdate at my house btw.

We had our first play date at her house over the Christmas holidays. When I arrived at 12.30 (like she suggested) she was still in her pjs and said she had to pop upstairs to get ready. She let me in and left me alone for 20 minutes or so whilst she did this She gave the boys a sandwich each and crisps and we stayed for maybe 45 minutes when she started talking about how she really should go to M&S to get some food for Christmas so I was pretty much marched out the door! I thought maybe I was boring her?
Our boys are friends but not 'best' friends. They are both 4 and not yet in school so flit between friends regularly.
I was really annoyed with the lateness but I'm used to her being late as she's regularly late for everything. I expected it, not that it makes it ok. She's been even later for another friend.

[ElderDruid]

Playing devils advocate, imagine if the Mum is struggling for heating/food, plus struggling with the child and the overwhelming pressure of parenthood. I agree we mostly all have to deal with it, disabled/SEN children moreso. Some parents do struggle.

She might have gone to text and run out of bundle texts/credit. Especially if finances are tight. The child had pizza & dough balls, plus they both polished 2 boxes of strawberries, they must have been starving.

If they said thank you at the door when leaving, that would generally be enough.

She could be too embarrassed to admit she's struggling.

[Caramelbutthorn]

Sorry conserveisposhforjam lol. I was just trying to say that I didn't give them any old crap I found at the back of the cupboard. I gave them my dinner. And a note written in blood would suffice. There's no need for Cath Kidston although it would fit in very well in the village I live in (where children have wicker picnic hampers as lunch boxes rather than the usual frozen ones)

[Caramelbutthorn]

minionsrule I'm thanked the day after as I fell asleep with my ds at 7 by accident and didn't wake up until 8 the next day. Otherwise I would have done it that evening.