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AIBU?

Or is this bullying?

40 replies

Januaryblues28 · 02/01/2017 21:52

I have name changed for this.

I live in a shared house with two males and a female. The males were friends before we moved in. Female and I both strangers. I'm 28, they are all 24.

I moved in a month ago and in the past 2 weeks one of the males has started to behave horribly to me. It is mainly snide remarks and comments which are constantly chipping away at me; my personality, appearance and decisions.

I'm currently starting an application to join the armed forces and take my trade into this. I've researched and am preparing but am constantly told I am too weak, pathetic and have no chance.
I am running a marathon later this year but am repeatedly criticised for my diet and exercising regime (apparently it's not good enough)
There are constant digs at my physical appearance; I'm ugly, look old, desperate etc
I fitted a padlock to my door when I went away for work and was told that I must be a weirdo

I don't know what I have done to upset this guy as I have barely spoken 2 words to him - he doesn't say a lot other than the digs so I don't know what makes him think he knows me so well either.

I would usually consider myself an attractive, confident and successful woman. I'm not confrontational at all and usually very laid back and therefore haven't encountered this situation much in my adult life as I tend to get on with most people and am well liked. I'm not 'conventional' in some ways but as I've got older have embraced this and have good friends.

I am trying to keep myself to myself but as we share a small house they inevitably know some of my business e.g. What I'm eating. I was also becoming friendly with the other girl but actually I'm not sure what she is passing on to these guys when I talk to her.

It was advertised as a professional share yet I feel like I'm back at school. I was bullied when younger and I hate this feeling so much. It's taken me a lot of years to feel happy with myself and I can feel this confidence slipping away.

Aibu to think this is bullying and what can be done? My tenancy is 6 months long.

OP posts:

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TitaniasCloset · 07/01/2017 19:45

Don't hesitate to call the police if you go back to pick up your stuff and they get nasty. Try to arrange a van big enough to take all your stuff on the same day. They are all so immature I wouldn't put anything past them. If anything of yours gets trashed, take photos and file a police report. Good luck darling.

venusinscorpio · 06/01/2017 23:28

What a bunch of horrible bullying shits. And as said, one sexually assaulted you. They only have themselves to blame about the bills. I sympathise as I briefly lived in quite a scary shared house with a creepy guy who invaded my privacy.

Can you take someone with you on Wednesday to move your stuff out? Your new place sounds a huge improvement, well done

Aeroflotgirl · 06/01/2017 23:08

Serves them right the lit of em, got yiur own back in a way.

Januaryblues28 · 06/01/2017 22:57

Well because I'm leaving their monthly payment for the bills has just been put up by £30 each which has made them all so angry at me I have gone back to my parents for the weekend. Should be moving out Wednesday...

OP posts:

FourKidsNotCrazyYet · 06/01/2017 22:50

Just read your post. So glad you're out of there OP. Very best wishes for your future

Daydream007 · 06/01/2017 22:43

He is a bullying bastard. Sounds jealous of you too, hence the put downs. Move out.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/01/2017 22:31

Omg I have just read this, my jaw has hit the floor. You poor thing😥😥. I am glad that you have got a new nicer place, I pity the person who the LL is replacing you. They are all nasty, wicked bullies, plus 1 sexual predator. A very dangerous house there.

SanitysSake · 06/01/2017 22:31

Before you leave, I'd get them all together and tell them which way was up. Including the fact that both men were lucky you didn't go to the police. Hell... I'd still make a formal complaint.

Go make a new life for yourself away from these total tools.

Best of luck to you.

Januaryblues28 · 06/01/2017 22:23

Yes all three of them, plus their girlfriends.
Honestly I haven't felt like this since I was at school... I told the landlord and that's the reason he is releasing me from the tenancy and giving me back my deposit.

OP posts:

TitaniasCloset · 05/01/2017 22:14

Does the landlord know what they did?

TitaniasCloset · 05/01/2017 22:12

The girl joined in too? What the fuck has your diet got to do with them?

Thank God you are moving now and I really hope that goes well and I also hope they get an absolute nightmare tennant in next or at the very least a big hairy bloke with scary friends to intimidate the lot of them. Bastards. Fuck em.

understandnothing · 05/01/2017 20:47

All 3 of them stopped you from going in the kitchen? I hope you are okay. Glad you are moving. They sound awful.

Emmageddon · 05/01/2017 20:41

Oh thank goodness - I hope the move goes well and your new housemates are decent human beings. They certainly can't be worse than the childish idiots you've been house-sharing with!

I still think you should warn the other female tenant about the other guy's assault on you - she could be next once you've left.

Januaryblues28 · 05/01/2017 20:38

Sorry for the late update.

So on Tuesday night I didn't sleep at all my housemates decided to barracade me from the kitchen. I had been working late and got a takeaway and their comments on my diet reached peak as they wouldn't let me in the kitchen with it!

In hindsight this was the kick I needed and have now secured a new room in a much nicer house with professional tenants. I move next week and the landlord isn't charging me anything (as he hasn't put my deposit in a protection scheme he seems very lenient).

Thanks all for your comments.

OP posts:

TitaniasCloset · 04/01/2017 23:20

I'm thinking about this because of Emmas post above.

You were sexually assaulted in your home. You have been bullied. You are living in fear if more of this. Why should you have to pay ti get out of this contract,? If landlord says you haven't reported this to the police, say fine, I will.

Worried about you please come back and let us know how you are doing.

Emmageddon · 04/01/2017 23:13

Bloody hell, both guys sound horrific - a childish bully and a sexual predator. You poor thing. Does the other girl know about the assault? I would tell the landlord it isn't possible to continue to live there due to the behaviour of your male housemates.

Good luck with your career.

TitaniasCloset · 04/01/2017 22:59

Huh? ^

redexpat · 04/01/2017 08:59

I didnt ask for your opinion.
My diet is none of your business.
My training is none of your business.

Maverickismywingman · 04/01/2017 07:37

I'd be wanting a lock on my door OP.

I think you need to call the verbally abusive one out on his behaviour and then just keep yourself to yourself

Nataleejah · 04/01/2017 07:09

Maybe some self-defense techniques as well would be useful

Graphista · 04/01/2017 06:56

While I'm sorry this is happening and the incident where one guy 'tried it on' was actually assault. You are going to have to figure out how best to be a more assertive person because honestly? You'll get worse in basic training. Forces aren't exactly known for their sensitivity, it's a lot better than it was but it's still tough especially on women.

Do some reading and online research on being assertive and consider this practice for basic training. The forces are working on getting rid of bullying but from what I hear it's still a problem.

Nataleejah · 04/01/2017 06:46

Sounds like a cunt. Talk to your landlord. This sort of behaviour is totally unacceptable. I've lived in shared housing -- you don't need to interact with your housemates at all.

CaspoFungin · 04/01/2017 02:09

I wonder if a friend of theirs wants to move in so they're trying to get you out? Somebody could take over your tenancy, probably have to pay an agency fee though.

TitaniasCloset · 04/01/2017 01:17

I don't know about the legal stuff sorry. But you do need to have a word with the landlord of you have one.

Januaryblues28 · 03/01/2017 08:28

I'm not sure I can move out as I'm on a 6 month fixed term tenancy?

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