To ask if you tried to have The Talk with children the same sex as you

[cherrycrumblecustard]

I know I phrased that badly. What I mean is, did you have your husbands speak to boys about sex and yourselves to daughters, or did you both do it? My parents told me NOTHING (and I do mean nothing, not even periods) so I don't know how to broach this.

[megletthesecond]

smEGGnog yes, running commentary is what I've done. Today we had a bonus chat about cats getting the snip and how men can have it done too.

[Rollonbedtime7pm]

I had a baby this year so this helped with the chat about where they come from etc with 4 and 6 year olds.

I had to do periods the other day quite unexpectedly as they spotted some blood in the toilet!

As PPs have said, I think the best way is by natural open conversation when they ask along with some age appropriate books.

[LadyMonicaBaddingham]

We've just always been open and honest about bodily functions/sex with our 2 DS...

Rather than my DM's idea of leaving a leaflet about sanitary towels on my bed when I was 12

[bookwormnerd]

My mum used a book (how my body works) and told basics never to be talked about again just before did sex ed at school. My daughter who is five asked and have told her mummy has an egg which grew into baby and that both her and her brother grew inside me and she knew i pushed them both out and from where as she asked. She did see begining stage of labour and knew not scary. She saw a picture of ultrasound and has seen dvd of 4d scan (was there for her brothers) she saw me pregnant with her brother and photos of me pregnant with her. I told her mummy and daddy wished for a baby which we did, the mechanics will be when she is older. If she asks questions i try to answer matter of fact and she can ask anything

[Booboostwo]

No big conversation here either, just talking a out everything as it becomes relevant. My 5yo DD knows about the differences in sexual organs between men and women, about sex, pregnancy, birth and periods. My 2yo DS just about knows that babies are inside pregnant tummies.

[blueshoes]

I tried with both (ds and dd) but apparently, they said they know everything already!

The schools do a good job. I don't need to do the nuts and bolts but am available for the softer side of things as they occur. Dd asks me about depilation and period pains.

[Wolfiefan]

I have chatted to DS and will with DD when the subject arises. I don't find it embarrassing. It's just part of life.

[BarbarianMum]

I'm the one that talks about this stuff in our house and I only have sons. I had hoped (still hope) that dh would do some of the more teenagers stuff like masturbation and cleaning under your foreskin but he's ridiculously inhibited (outside of the bedroom) whereas im a biologist who once specialised in mating systems so I'm - not. As a feminist I also have quite a lot to say about pornography, consent etc so i expect I'll be handling those conversations too.

[gabsdot]

I have spoken to both my son and daughter about the facts of life. I asked my husband to talk to DS about wet dreams and erections but he didn't so I did it myself. Driving along in the car as I recall. DS was 12 at the time.

My parents were wonderful but failed spectacularly with the facts of life thing. They did talk to us but it was so cringy and embarrassing so I swore I'd do better with my kids.

[K425]

When DS started asking questions DH and I both answered them. Around Reception we got some books (Mummy Laid an Egg and Let's Talk About Where Babies Come From). We read bits of the latter together and let him read on his own too. (Once he could read. Prior to that he looked at the pictures.) Following that we got him Let's Talk About Sex, and I've just found a copy of What's Happening To Me (about puberty) in a box which, since he's just turned 13, I must give to him!

We've always been open about periods (I used a cup, which lived in the bathroom, so it wasn't something hidden), about relationships, about how sex works and why people do it (for fun, as well as for babies). I haven't personally discussed masturbation as a thing, only in general willy-playing terms.

My favourite moment was being asked "when can I watch you and Daddy doing it?". Which. No. "It's fun, but it's private for two people on their own."

[phlebasconsidered]

I am the "sex lady" at school. My no nonsense approach means I do all the body education from years 1 to 6. It's boys and girls together until year 5 when I split them, but they have the big actual sex talk together because they need to see mutual respect modelled by a straight faced honest adult.

I'm a pro now. Pretty much nothing phases me.

There are some very good books out there now that help parents a lot. I would also look at your schools syllabus to see what is covered when so you are prepared.

Where I am year 5 is puberty, which includes physical and emotional changes, relationships, sexual feelings and so on.

Year 6 is intercourse within loving relationships and it's very much in that context and vanilla.

[cherrycrumblecustard]

I think that's why I want to do it now, before it becomes too excruciatingly embarrassing for both parties! DS has never really gone in for "willy playing".

[Saukko]

I'd rather do it myself because, well, I guess it's one of those things I want done 'right' and not necessarily rushed. My DH isn't a particularly verbose man, no orator, not a storyteller. I'm the performer/talker/explainer/counsellor one. He's the logical one. He'd chuck 'em a book about the biological logistics and not really anticipate any further topics were open for discussion. He'd be open to being re-educated on the matter, but who's got time to re-educate someone else? I'd rather take the line of 'if you want the job done, do it yourself'.

My eldest never asks questions, though. Doesn't like talking about 'gross' stuff and doesn't care where babies come from. I've tried to broach te subject and he isn't interested. I don't want to just kind of broadcast it him, but I also don't want to wait too long.

[IfNotNowThenWhenever]

Similar to all the waves
Questions started being asked around 4, and I just answered them. Not in a very scientific way, but matter of fact :penis, vagina, seeds, eggs. Ds was very entertained by the idea that a baby came out of a woman's ladybits
He then lost interest for a long time, but has become more curious now (nearly 11) but it's more about relationships actually than bodily functions. We've talked about love, and what marriage is, and fancying people etc. He knows about puberty , partly from school, partly from me telling him about changes that will happen (started this around 8 I think) . If you keep casual and matter of fact, not sit them down for a big chat, it's fine.
I have basically said that puberty can be pretty awful in some ways (the whole smelly embarrassment of it) but that it is hard for everyone, boys and girls, and it passes! We have also touched on porn in the last year.
I think you can talk about anything, the mechanics, the narly stuff, but I always come back to the fact that sex for grownups (he knows from school sex with someone under 16 is illegal and was very shocked about that footballer!)is about kindness, respect and intimacy.
I'm not naive I know he will see porn somewhere, I know he will feel horrendous during puberty, and I won't be allowed to know anything, but I hope I have laid some kind of groundwork..
I'm still going to get one of my brothers to have a proper chat to him about porn properly, maybe in a couple of years, because it's such a big issue for young boys, and I want a man he respects to explain to him properly the difference between sex and porn, because there will be things ds really won't want to talk about with me.

[mudandmayhem01]

Masturbation, I think that is a conversation that often occurs naturally, ie don't play with your willy in public, its ok in private, yes it feels nice etc. These conversations help protect children from abuse. Making it clear that no one else should touch their genitals ( apart from a medical professional with a very clear reason and appropriate consent)

[SleepFreeZone]

I'm not sure about discussing masturbation and wet dreams. I think that level of detail they will be working out with the aid of their own hands and Google. When I was 'getting to know myself' as a teen the last thing I would have wanted to do is have a chat about it over breakfast with my parents 🙊

[Allthewaves]

I think who discusses wet dreams ect depends on the parent. Dh admits he is rubbish, stammers and gets embarrassed.

[Allthewaves]

I had a phone call from school when my middle onein reception told everyone in his class that girls have vaginas and boys have a penis - some of the parents were upset. I said to the school - well that's right. So had to have a chat about appropriate time and place for these revelations

[Allthewaves]

Iv boys and I'm doing the talks (mum). Eldest is 8 so getting books about body changes now.

Iv already had casual chats with all boys 3,5,8. They know how/where babies grow, how they come out of ladies - section and vaginally delivery , ladies have wombs where babies grow and have periods - they never leave me alone in the bathroom even when door shut so that happened quite early on as they scared of the blood and thought I was hurt.

Have chatted to eldest about how he needs to shower after sport as he will get smelly esp in a couple of years and his body will grow hair.

None of this was sit down. Just usually popped in during other conversations

[ChilliMum]

I can't imagine either of mine talking to dh, I am sure he would do fine. He is a scientist and I think they would end up with a lecture and graphs .
As a result I have taken the lead, we have a few books that I ordered when dd(10) was about 6 / 7 about physical changes and how babies are made which are just hanging around for anyone to look at.
I have had a few impromptu chats with dd (how do gay couples have children was one such chat I didn't see coming and made a bit of a hash of ). And I have started to talk to ds(6) about not playing with himself in public but that it is absolutely ok to do just something for alone time in his bedroom.
Neither of mine have any respect for privacy and so breasts, pubic hair and periods are something they have just grown up with.

[OutsSelf]

A good way to discuss puberty is to be open about your periods. This leads to questions about why I have them and they and their dad doesn't. My 6yr old DS and 3rd old DD know about periods and that DD will get them, she was born with all her eggs, and DS's testes will start making sperm when his body starts to change from child to adult.

Can also recommend watching nature documentaries. Leads to all sorts of discussions about 'mating' in our house. DS has asked if we have mated and also if Daddy had to get on top of me I was pleased he was looking at the TV and not me, had a moment to compose myself before affecting nonchalance whilst explaining to my 6yr old how humans can do it in all sorts of positions and it's really a matter of personal preference,and fun to try different ways

[mudandmayhem01]

Tailor it to the individual child, my DD has always asked questions and had these conversations naturally, ie sees a tampon/ condom dispenser in a public loo and asked what they were for. The condom was baffling to her, why on earth would anyone have sex ( disgusting unless they wanted a baby?) DS seemed to have been born with an inbuilt sense of embarrassment, but he did read the reproduction section of his sisters key stage 3 science revision guide. Keeping it scientific and looking at diagrams was more his thing. TV programs are also a good start. If you watch something like Modern Family, lots of good positive stuff on how different families are made without it turning into a TALK. You can then bring it back how it is all about love rather than just the mechanics.

[cherrycrumblecustard]

Thanks :)

The girls are preschool age still. I know girls start their periods earlier but not that early!

I am fairly sure DS knows the technical bits if you like. But I was thinking more on the lines of things that could probably do with discussing over the next five years or so - masturbation, contraception, wet dreams, erections. Is it best to leave this to DH?

[RueDeDay]

I really recommend the 'What's happening to me' books. You can get boys and girls versions, and they are really great conversation starters with pre-teens in particular, who often 'don't know what they don't know'. I gave DSD one at about 8/9 from memory, as she was beginning to develop breast buds etc, and she really liked being able to read it in her own time and then ask me questions.

[SleepFreeZone]

Nature programs are also good to start off conversations. There's a zoo program we watch at the moment they seems to concentrate on mating the animals. One week everything was humping constantly and it allowed us to say they were making babies etc etc. My toddler thought it was hysterical 🙊