Blowing out other kids birthday candles?

[Lovetonurse10]

Aibu to think it's not acceptable to let your child blow out Birthday candles on someone else's birthday? It was recently my ds 5th birthday we had a little tea party for family. I try to make a special effort for birthdays as mine were always half hearted or last minute growing up. After the song and my son blowing out his candles my nephew asked for them to be relit so he could blow them out. I explained it wasn't his birthday and that he could when it was his. He then ran out to nanny and she came in got a candle and lit it so he could blow it out. I found this really rude, it wasn't it 'special' day. I suppose I'm a bit sensitive as nephew also 5 tends to bully my son (deliberately takes toys off my son, teases him and provokes a reaction, lies that ds hit him when he hasn't ). What are everyone's thoughts? I've never let my child blow candles unless it's his birthday btw.

[Lovetonurse10]

Bit of a mixed bag then; some do some don't, I'm currently 15 weeks pregnant wasn't sure if it was the hormones or not!
Is this not a forum for advice Chewie? And clearly I care as I posted if you aren't then don't post or read the topic....simples

[Chewie1986]

I wouldn't know if I wasn't interested if I didn't read it.

Just seems like a silly thing to be worked up over.

[Starlight2345]

I thought this post was going to be something different. My DS refused to invite a girl to his party as when he was 5 she blew the candles out when everyone had sang happy birthday..I had relit candles...DS blew candles out and I forgot all about it till birthday following year when DS brought it up...However I think this is a different issue..

They are so tiny for such a little time...don't sweat the little stuff... Deal with the snatching but leave the cake.

[TheInternetIsForPorn]

It's candles! We relight them loads of times so anyone can have a go. As long as birthday child gets to do first crack and gets sung to i don't get the issue. Fuss over bo big if you ask me.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Jeez. YABU.

Nanny lit one candle to give him a little turn. It's just nothing.

If she came in and set the whole cake ablaze, you might have a point.

[FriedPisces]

I relight them as well, I didn't realise I was indulging them! I have been known to relight candles several times at parties, path of least resistance and all that...

[LovingLola]

We always let the candles be relit and anyone who wanted to blow them out could do that. No big deal.

[Parkourbench]

After we have sang and birthday child has blown out the candles we always relight for everyone to have a turn.

Even us

[HaveNoSocks]

As an isolated incident it's no big deal, I would have no problem with another kid blowing out the candles once my DS had already done it (with everyone looking, singing etc.). Sounds like the issue is that maybe your DN is a bit over indulged when he's around your DS and your DS gets the brunt of it.

[Branleuse]

i dont think its a big deal.

[Amaried]

Think it sounds a bit mean to me to be honest, He is only small and wanting to blow out a candle on a cake after the birthday boy shouldn't have been a big deal..

[YelloDraw]

YABU after the birthday kid we always re-lit for the young ones.
Ewwww multiple peoples spit on the cake!

[bumsexatthebingo]

Yabu. He wasn't allowed to blow out your sons candles. Your son had his song and blew them out and nanny let him blow one out after. Did your son even care? I can't see how it would have affected him that his cousin wad allowed a small amount of fun as well. And I've been to parties where the candles have been relit for all the children to have a go. Yes the cake would be drenched but 1 child's raspberry would be enough to put me off a slice anyway. Kids don't seem to care!

[sparepantsandtoothbrush]

My 10 and 11 year old have had to write up a rota to light/blow out the bloody advent candle this year. All kids love to blow out candles. YABU and a bit grumpy

However, my DC both have cousins very close in age and until they reached 8 or 9 my own nieces and nephews irritated the crap out of me

[TheNoodlesIncident]

You think that's bad, my Dsis's MIL actually brought wrapped presents for her granddaughters on her GRANDSON'S birthday. Apparently it wasn't right that they didn't get something too.

Pity she didn't feel that about her other grandson. Who was also there, and got nothing. (He wasn't alone though, my ds didn't either; but then I didn't expect him to, even it had been his birthday. I doubt that made grandson feel any better though.)

[ghostspirit]

When my kids were younger I used to buy the non birthday sibling a present because I felt bad. I have not done it in a while think I was bit of a prat for doing it really

[HouseworkIsASin10]

It's up there with buying the non-birthday sibling a present too, in case they feel left out.

No it's not. That would be ridiculous. This is the lighting of a small candle which is a bit of excitement for small children and costs nothing.

Ewwww multiple peoples spit on the cake!

It's not like they are 60 a day smokers coughing up phlegm.

[SantaPleaseBringMeEwanMcGregor]

I'm going with YANBU. It's your son's day, not his--he can blow out candles when he gets home, instead of having to get the same perk as the birthday boy!

[KoalaDownUnder]

Its your son's day, not his

Personally, I'd be happy if this whole self-centred concept of 'owning' a day died out altogether. I certainly wouldn't be encouraging it in a 5-year-old.

The wedding industry 'our day' bullshit is now creeping into birthdays? Jaysus.

[Jcf120109]

Listen. It was your child’s special day. Not your nephews. You have EVERY RIGHT to be upset about what happened. I think you shouldn’t be so upset at your 5 year old nephew, but at his parents. People saying things like “it wasn’t a big deal” or “it was after your child blew out their candles so why does it matter” are obviously not seeing the entirety of the situation. 1. This child is being trained to have entitlement issues. 2. Any parent that allows their child to blow out candles on someone else’s birthday is absolutely selfish and enabling poor and even disrespectful behavior. 3. That took away from your child’s special day. It did. No matter what anyone else says. Everyone was there to celebrate your child and to make him feel special on HIS special day.

If parents can’t/won’t take control of their child and address the misbehavior, then they need to keep their child at home. Period.

[Bluebird3456]

I agree with you OP I think the nanny is letting him be entitled rather than teaching him it's not always about him etc.

It's not about not letting any other kids be acknowledged on the 'birthday child's day', the other kids still got cake didn't they, and got to play party games and had a party bag etc etc. It's just about the focus being off them and some kids can't handle that if they've been spoilt.

It's completely different from having a tradition where everyone blows them out after the birthday child.

[nothingcomestonothing]

This thread is 4 years old....

[Bluebird3456]

Oh haha 🙈 oops.

[mbosnz]

I agree with you too OP. My mil was gobsmacked that I didn't buy my non birthday child a present and let them blow out the candles, right from day one. That's how they learn birthday party etiquette, that only the birthday child gets the presents and blows out the candles. They still get to enjoy the cake and the party etc, but that's the part that is special to the birthday boy or girl. Never was a problem, because they grew up with that being the way it was - and any glumping about it was ignored. Which was very little.