To worry about DS wanting to be a doctor?

[MsHooliesCardigan]

DS1 is 16 and has just started A levels. He's always been a bit vague when asked if he's got any career plans but has occasionally mentioned medicine and, when we went into the school to hand his results in and firm up his A level choices, he told the tutor that he wants to do medicine.
I do have some worries about this. I have been a nurse for 20 years so know quite a bit about what's involved.
DS is quite shy and introverted, especially when he first meets people. However, he got a glowing report from his work experience at a GP practice. He's really sensitive and I don't know how he would cope with people dying on him or with really rude, aggressive patients. He's also quite 'daydreamy' and I just can't see him coping well with emergency life or death situations.His college is brilliant and they've linked him in with programmes at a number of universities and he's able to attend some of the lectures there.
He's so enthusiastic when he talks about what he's doing in biology but I get the feeling he's more interested in the theory of medicine rather than actually wanting to be a doctor and he's never actually mentioned the word doctor.
I can totally see him doing something related to medicine like research or pharmacology. I really don't want to interfere but I genuinely think he's just too much of a softy to cope as a doctor.
I would never try and put him off but would IBU to get him some information about careers in medical research or related stuff?

[MsHooliesCardigan]

Thanks for the replies. Bluntness Yes, he is a great kid and I am proud of him and I do support him. I also, like most parents, worry about him.
carefree That's useful to know, thanks.
I would never ever tell him that he's not good enough or clever enough to be a doctor. I have no doubts that he's up to it academically.
I bumped into an old colleague a few weeks ago who's just got his first consultant job. We asked about each other's kids and, when I told him about DS, he said that he was happy to meet up with him if he wanted to ask any questions so I might see if DS would be up for that - he's met him a few times before and they seemed to get on.

[SatsukiKusakabe]

He'll know himself if he's capable, but he won't find out without your support. He has nothing to lose - he can move into research or there might be a particular specialism that suits him.

I was discouraged from being a vet by my parents though it what I always wanted to do - they emphasised how sensitive and shy I was and couldn't cope with putting animals to sleep etc.

Well now I'm an adult and have a much more pragmatic attitude Than I had as a child (doesn't everyone?) and have been very good with dealing with people in work situations - I think I would have been fine and it would have given me a direction.

[228agreenend]

If he wants to aim for medicine, I would let him. Discouraging him would do more harm then good.

Have you been to any uni s yet or got any prospectuses? When you do, he'll probably become more aware of other courses available (biomedical, pharmacy etc) - I think at 16 they are still fairly limited in knowing what's out there (i also a sixteen year old), and tend to,think of the obvious careers - doctors, dentist vets etc.

Also, I know in a social,situation I can be shy and inhibited. However, when I worked in retail, I had no,problems in going up and talking to customers etc. Maybe your son will be like this.

[XinnaJane]

My DH is a doctor- it is one of the few professions where there really is a niche for (almost) anybody. If he's not suited to the cut and thrust of an acute specialty, there are plenty of others he can choose. You need to make sure he has access to as much information as possible, but be wary of trying to exert too much influence based on your personal experience.

[SousaHadABigCurlyOne]

Let him go ahead by all means but do make sure he is aware of other related subjects in that area.

Our DD said from a very early age that she wanted to be a doctor and seemed to stick to that through high school. As she got nearer to Sixth Form I made sure she was aware about things like needing work experience to apply and sitting UKCAT or whatever it is. I even downloaded a practice app for it so she could have a look and also pointed out some weekend courses at a University for young people who were considering medicine with advice on the selection process and so on.

I seriously wasn't trying to be pushy but trying to help because as far as we were aware she was still keen on the idea. I was a bit worried about what a tough profession she would be letting herself in for.

Early in Sixth Form she said that she had been looking at University courses and came across the subject Biomedical science and realized that actually this was what she was more interested in rather than being a doctor. Great - she pursued that option.

Only recently she admitted that she had stopped wanting to be a doctor when she was about 15 but didn't say straight away because she thought we would be disappointed if she said so - especially when I had been getting information for her Nothing could have been further from the truth

[XinnaJane]

Also, agree with pp - he may have no idea about all the related jobs that exist, so make sure he has access to solid careers advice

[HicDraconis]

YANBU to worry - he's your son, it's a fairly important choice - but YABVU to worry that because he doesn't conform to some personality ideal you have in your head that he shouldn't even try.

If you've really been a nurse for over 20 years then you should know that doctors come in a wide variety of personality styles and they settle into specialities (generally) that suit them. For all you know he will make a superbly empathic GP. Or he'll go into the fascinating world of disease processes and end up in pathology. Or he'll discover a passion for epidemiology and look at public health. Or he'll love the academic side and move to lecturing, or research. Or any one of a number of areas!

All that said - I'd be very worried if either of my boys wanted to do medicine as a career choice, especially in the UK. Everything that has changed for the better in the last few decades with respect to work life balance and length of shifts is slowly being eroded, doctors are being demoralised as a whole and it's not the career choice it used to be.

[DesignedForLife]

Leave him to it. My mother told me I couldn't do xyz and it suffocated me. Still regret listening to her at 32 as have naff all career but could have done so much more. Really struggling with it at the moment, trying to figure out if I can manage a career change.

[Topseyt]

I agree with the others. Get him as much information as possible if he wants it, but ultimately do not try to influence his decision. Clearly biology is a favourite subject for him. Medicine is an obvious progression from there and he is interested.

He has to make the decision about whether or not he wants to be a doctor for himself, and maybe for some people that comes during the years of training as they themselves learn more and more about the actual career and about what they can and cannot cope with.

I would say that in many cases parenting from about 16 onwards becomes a very different ball game to what it was when they were younger. One of supporter and gentle adviser rather than always steering their path for them. Decisions they make at 16 are not cut and dried, and may change radically over the next few years.

I have a 21 year old DD who is in her final year of a modern languages degree at Warwick. At 16 I recall that she seemed sure that she wanted to go into teaching. A stint as a classroom assistant during her year abroad has now convinced her for various reasons that it would not be for her and she is actively looking into and applying for other options. Nothing is set in stone as yet. Letting go and letting her find things for herself has been the hardest part of being a parent, but we all have to make ourselves cross that bridge.

Let DS feel his way, gain some relevant work experience where possible and over time find his feet for himself. If he wants advice he will probably ask eventually.

[DipsyLaLa22]

Absolutely encourage him. Even if he doesn't like clinical medicine, there are lots of other opportunities such as lab work, research, etc. A medical degree will do him no harm and open up lots of opportunities.

I'm a doctor and I genuinely believe that the bullying culture is improving, with some specialities being far more progressive then others.

Being sensitive is not a bad thing. There are a lot of insensitive doctors out there! It is difficult to confront mortality at a young age, but it's a fact of life, and it can be incredibly rewarding to feel you have helped someone have a good death.

It's a wonderful career despite all the political bollocks that surrounds it.

[MsHooliesCardigan]

What is biomedical?

[NotWeavingButDarning]

Agree, totally support him. There are quite a few medical disciplines that aren't patient-facing and there's always medical research. Let him find his way.

[HummusForBreakfast]

This is my experience there.
As a teenager, I was set on going down a certain route (engineering). My aprents thought that it might not be the right choice for me and that law or business would be working better. I refused.

A teacher advised me to go down the route of environmental law (again!) which I didnt want to do again. I thouroughly enjoyed the studies BUT when I started to work, it became clear that it probably wasnt the best environment for me. It also because clear that law would have been a much better thing for me.
As it turned out, I then decided to retrain in a completely diferent field again, the one I am working now whihc is not related to any of the fields I mentioned. This is working well for me.

The bottom line was that

• I didnt really want to listen to my parents (who tbf did know best there) as I was set on certain subject
  
• I had no idea of what the work would entitle, nor the sort of qualities it would need and the things I would enjoy and be good at.
  

So my advise would now be the try and find out not what sort of subject he enjoys but first of all what are the things that are working for him, ie does he enjoy being in contact with people, does he like to looka t all the small details or the whole picture and so on. This will give him and idea of what sort of job would work well for him and THEN he can have a look at the area/subject.
Another thing to think about is how the qualification he will get will allow him to do different thing (ie if he becomes a doctor, can he do other things too than being a doctor).

But at the end of the day, if he as stubborn as I was then, it will be his choice!

[228agreenend]

www.birmingham.ac.uk/schools/biomedical-science/study/index.aspx

Birmingham uni biomedical course.

[SplendidPanda]

What is biomedical?

I studied biomedical sciences - it's basically learning about how the human body works with a specific focus on how things go wrong. I did modules on embryo development, cancer, viruses, bacteria, parasites, stem cells, the immune system..and then I became an accountant...I did love the course though, it was really interesting.

On my course in the third year we were joined by a load of med students who took a year out of their med course to study biomedical sciences and got a BSc as well as whatever qualification doctors get.

[MsHooliesCardigan]

Thanks for the info, that sounds right up his street actually. I have always vowed to myself that I won't try to influence my children in decisions about higher education or careers. I witnessed my DPs (mostly my DM) spend months browbeating my DB into taking up a place at Oxford when he'd been really clear he didn't want to go and had offers from other universities that he thought would suit him better.
He went for a year, hated every minute of it and then transferred to Manchester where he was much happier.
I'm pretty certain that my DM's main motive was wanting to let everyone she encountered know that she had a son at Oxford.

[bigmamapeach]

Medicine is so diverse as a career and such a high quality degree; can qualify then go onto academic medicine (research) or areas like pathology, anaesthetics, etc etc which are super brain demanding but less about patient interactions? You might consider researching the diff career options once someone qualified, (in medicine) to get an idea if any might be a good match for him?

[EnormousTiger]

I think he should read medicine if he can. I am not knockiing biomedical sciences but people who aren't up to being doctors often read it as a second choice at university. Isuspect he may do better in life reading medicine and then if being a doctors does not suit him go into one of the many other options then open to him.

Let your son decide though what he wants to do.

[junebirthdaygirl]

A lot of doctors l have met should never have been doctors as they don't have the manner for it. However that doesn't seem to be hampering their careers and a few of them were top consultants. It's amazing how much maturity a guy gains between 16 and 24. Encourage him. He will probably be great.

[Rattusn]

It's his choice. There are a whole variety of speciality options, suited to different personality types. There is plenty of time for him to find one which is a good fit for him, I wouldn't worry about that.

I am a junior doctor however, and personally I wouldn't recommend anyone entering the career now. Our role is constantly being denigrated, and it is becoming increasingly difficult.

On the plus side: applications to medical school are at an all time low, so getting a place will be relatively easy. St. George's even had to resort to clearing to fill their places.

[SaltyBitch]

He'll be fine. It will be near enough a decade before he is a doctor.

He'll be a completely different person by then, shaped in part by medical school.

[Linds53]

My daughter was shy and self conscious at 16. She is now a junior doctor in a busy hospital and is a confident, sociable young woman. Don't make the mistake of thinking their teenage selves are the finished article. I'd encourage and support him to follow his chosen career.

[cunningartificer]

There will be more than enough barriers between him and medical schoool without you adding any more! Shy teenagers can make great doctors as others say, and if he makes the cut he'll have plenty of opportunities to change his mind. I would support. I've seen quiet not academic star teens become successful surgeons! Training is rigorous and will develop him or make him see other paths

[PacificDogwod]

Support him in his plans.

Medicine does not lead to One Job.

Whether he turns out to be a GP or a pathologist or a neurosurgeon or a public health doctor or a rheumatologist or a psychiatrist or any number of other things that a medical degree can lead to, a medical degree will teach him many many things. Not least things about himself.

There is no doubt it is a very tough degree - not so much intellectually (IMO you need to be smart to pass a medical degree nowadays, but not exceptionally so - yes, I am a doctor ), but the demands on your time, your perseverance, your emotional resilience are huge. A supportive family and home will stand him in good stead, and medicine needs people that do not confirm to a standard Type A personality.

[EnormousTiger]

I was a very shy teenager. I'd cross the road rather than meet a neighbour. I went on to be a fairly successful lawyer and give public talks all over the world. I don't think teenage shyness should put people off as most of us grow out of it.