Would I BU to be honest with boss about her? help me through the ethical maze?

[marzipanmaggie]

I work with a woman who is younger and more junior than me but more experienced in many aspects of my job because she's been there longer than I.

This woman has been passive aggressively but unmistakably hostile to me from day one, for reasons I don't fully understand but I feel have a lot to do with her resenting new people and new women in particular. Nothing major enough to take to an HR department, but a catalogue of low level put-downs, bitchery in the office and social exclusion. She has, for example, been very unwilling to allow me to socialise with herself and other (male) colleagues and makes a point of excluding me from after work drinks. She routinely makes remarks to and about me which superficially are "banter" but which are obviously more than that. When I first joined she was openly critical of the quality of my work in certain areas, in quite a harsh way, even though I was totally new to the field.

Initially I was quite intimidated by her but as I've got more experience I've come to realise that she's actually a classic example of someone who has honed a certain set of tasks to perfection and is very good at those but isn't an especially creative thinker. I increasingly resent the way she's made me feel.

More recently, when I was given more responsibility for a client account which she had previously worked with me on, she literally downed tools on the account and just refuses to have anything to do with me, as if she is goading me to put my foot down and ask her to do some work in order for her to then fire back that she won't work for me.

For a long time I have felt I basically have to suck this up, it hasn't been serious enough to justify tackling head on and its been difficult to prove, but its chipped away at my professional self-esteem at a difficult time in my life and irritated me that she had taken against me in such a significant way.

Now I've been asked by my boss to provide feedback in end of year reviews into this woman's performance.

This is a bit of a tricky ethical situation for me and I need to be very careful not to allow it to be a revenge thing for me. There are some genuine professional shortcomings she has which I think the boss has a right to know about (she routinely takes alcohol-related sick days, for example). I could also tell my boss about the recent situation where she has just refused to do any work on this particular account with me.

But I'm also aware that I'm very biased and I don't want to take random pot shots at her which will go onto her professional record for the sake of it, nor to open up a big professional rift in what is an otherwise happy office. This woman is quite vulnerable, (has eating disorders, is a very heavy drinker etc) and I don't want to do something punitive which could ruin her career out of motives which are essentially more about making myself feel better.

How should I handle this? My inclination is to say to my boss that I don't feel able to evaluate her objectively and to let my boss draw her own conclusions. I don't want to totally gloss over everything and tell the boss she is great. But I don't want to stitch her up in order to get my own back either.

[LetsAllEatCakes]

You have to be factual and honest but make sure you have evidence. Without evidence and examples you leave yourself open to questioning about bias.

She sounds unprofessional and unpleasant. I wonder if she applied for your job and was resentful that someone with less experience was given it and she had to do the training? It sounds like there is a history there.

I must admit I was very resentful in a similar situation, expected to train someone meant to be my senior when I'd been doing the job and work unpaid for a year. But it wasn't her fault, I never took my annoyance out on her. I voted with my feet, got a new and better job and refused to train anyone while I worked my notice.

[Trifleorbust]

Don't make comments about her absence record - completely outside your remit. Don't make comments about her not inviting you to after work drinks - completely outside her remit! Instead, focus on her performance in relation to parts of her job that affect you. Stop there.

[Leanback]

I would not mention the sick days. Discussing the 'health issues' of a colleague is definitely a murky area.

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

What Trifle has written is very important.

Write a list of everything that's been good, bad or ugly :) Then spend some time dividing your list into items that come under your remit and items that are either outside your area of work, or out of the sphere of work entirely, and then those that you can comment on professionally.

Then I'd spend some time writing up the feedback that you can give in a professional way.

OP, when you suggest that you could say to your boss that you're not capable off giving objective feedback... You do know that that's a terrible idea, don't you?!

That is basically saying 'I don't like her and I'm not capable of being professional where she's concerned'! Which wouldn't be handling this situation at all well, telling your manager you're not professional? And reducing this colleagues nasty behaviour as something that everyone should ignore, and is probably 'six of one, half a dozen of the other'.

Basically, you don't need this colleague to try and give you a bad name if you're doing it yourself for her!

I suspect that what you mean is that you cannot give her a wholly positive review, not that you cannot be objective about her.

You are capable of being objective, even if it's difficult.

I think what you are questioning is whether they want an accurate picture of her performance, which you'd phrase in a constructive way that demonstrates your ability to be mature and professional... or, whether the reviewing culture at this company is about only giving positive feedback. Which would mean you'd have to white wash feedback, and pretend her behaviour towards you isn't happening. And that is what you don't want to do. Which is fair enough!

Can you ask for more info on how the review process works, and how feedback is used, how they handle any constructive criticism etc. Do they circulate job role or a set of criteria?

[pregnantat50]

Most companies use the Bradford Factor to monitor sickness, so if she takes the odd day of here and there a pattern will form and it will soon be obvious, so it will automatically alert HR and I assume be acted on so wouldn't mention the alcohol related hangover days.

As others have said, stick to the facts, try and remove any emotional stuff, although having said that people who isolate and pick on others at work shouldn't be allowed to get away with it but that would be a separate issue, its probably not just you that she is treating this way.(unless she feels threatened that you will take over her position)

[ZoeTurtle]

I had a similar situation. I was honest but factual, leaving out the emotions, and I also found some positives.