To think there's nothing unusual about my six month old not sleeping through

[5minutestobed]

I'm fed up of people asking when I'm going to do CIO/CC because my six month old doesn't sleep through. AIBU to think it's totally normal for a six month old to wake in the night and still have night feeds etc?
Several friends with similar age babies keep talking about how they will have to sleep train soon as there is no way they can carry on with waking in the night. Surely most people don't have a baby and think it will sleep through so soon?
I realise some people are lucky and have babies who sleep through from early on but I doubt that most babies sleep through by six months?

[Peppardew]

Strangely enough, people seem to have asked about Ds's sleep much less than they did with Dd. I don't know whether I've got better at fending off the question about whether he's a good sleeper with a simple "yes, fine" (he's not!) or whether people just feel like second time round they've less opportunity to give you the benefit of their advice, wanted or otherwise. Or maybe it's just that no one's that interested in the second born

[witsender]

Neither of mine slept through at that age, they were still waking for milk. So totally normal for me, and sleep training was never a conversation we had. Tbh at 6 months it was so normal that no-one suggested it...by 18 months a few people had but we had faith it would sort itself out, which it did.

At 4 and 6 they still come in and jump in with us sometimes if they need to, which we love.

[TreehouseTales]

Gosh no wonder my life was so hard those first few years with no2. Still waking every 40m - 2 hours at 3 years old apart from sometimes a 4 hour stretch 2-6.....

I thought I'd tried everything, but I'm glad I didn't let her "cry it out". She always wke screaming or crying so gentle pats didn't do anything and I often had her in with me.

Turned out it was sleep apnea fixed by having tonsils and adenoids out. Poor thing must have been.so frightened each time she woke as she couldn't breathe, I'm so releaved I didn't leave her to cry frightened.

I'm do envious of those with kods who slept through within the first year. There is no way I was in a fit state to work....

[kimann]

My daughter never slept through till she turned about 2 (she was a horrendous sleeper btw - woke up every two hours to feed) and now at 2.5 she occasionally wakes up still. My 7 week old son on the other hand - sleeps from midnight/1am right through till 7am 😂 - I suppose I got one of each!

Don't worry about it - if you are concerned see a HV but I wouldn't worry - different babies have such different sleeping patterns

[FoxMulder]

God no, totally normal. Has anyone suggested The Gentle Sleep Book re what is biologically normal for human infants?

[fluffandsnuff]

DS slept through at 6 months.
For one night 😂

We had night time waking until he was about 18 months. It's tough, but it will happen eventually. And comparing to other children will drive you mad- for this, crawling, walking, talking... ignore the rest, your baby is wonderful

[Blondeshavemorefun]

AGree what some parents call sleeping tho is not what I call sleeping through 😂 I'm a maternity nurse

All babies I've had from newborn 2/3w old have been by 12/14w doing 11/7 and by 20w 7/7

Yes there are babies who sleep by 6mths

Yes there are babies who don't sleep by 6mths

Both are normal if parents doing it by theirselves

[GreenHen]

I can't remember ever doing any kind of sleep training (other than making bedtime 7 pm from the start and no talking/lights on etc during the night) but at some point DC must've slept through - I don't remember it being an issue really. Pretty sure it was (consistently) well past 6 months though as I think they were still having a quick breastfeed in the night then.
I do remember MIL reporting that he DC slept through the night by 2 weeks - on further probing she meant midnight until 6 am - NOT my idea of sleeping through (which was 7 pm until 7 am!).

[MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic]

And I'm not sure where this idea that's it's a new thing is from. My DC are 18,16 and 13 tomorrow () I definitely wasn't the only one who was iffy about sleep training and cba. There were plenty of threads both for and against it on here at that time!

[MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic]

I think it's a bit unfair to correlate not wanting to sleep train with making your child the centre of the universe... Whilst I'm sure there are mothers like that (and if that works for them then fine) I'm reasonably certain people pick and choose their battles and parenting lines in the sand. For me co-sleeping and putting up with a couple of 5/10 minutes wakes a night was preferable to getting up and down to another room and the hassle of middle of the night sleep training. On the other hand I was an absolute martinet about getting them into a going to bed routine, and falling asleep by themselves. By the time they grew out of waking in the wee hours and were in their own beds (18mths/2 yearsish) we never had any bedtime issues. It worked for us but I have no doubts that would be hell for someone else, but that doesn't mean either of us would be wrong.

[notfromstepford]

And yes - what Sheba said too

[ShebaShimmyShake]

Are you sure the others really are sleeping through, truly? I found so many parents counted 11-5 as sleeping through, and many others were just lying.

[notfromstepford]

Just ignore them - every child is different.

DS1 who is now 4.5 has only just started to sleep through (apart from the odd 4am "I need a weeeee") after having his tonsils and adenoids removed a couple of weeks ago. At 6 months, he would be up at least twice every night unless he cluster fed which he'd do until about 1am and then he'd still get up once. I used to spend hours rocking him to sleep. Tried CC once for about 2 mins and couldn't stand it as thought it was very cruel and it really upset me to hear him crying when a cuddle would sort it out.

DS2 who is 7 months on the other had, has slept like an angel since 3 months old. Gets himself off to sleep quite happily between 6.30pm and 7 and then wakes up between 5.30am and 6am (hope it lasts!). I've done nothing different, they are just different children.

My problem now is that after 5 years (couldn't sleep when pregnant) of broken shitty sleep - I'm still waking up at least 2 times a night listening out for them! Was downstairs at 2.30 this morning having a cup of tea cos I couldn't bloody sleep

[MiddleAgeMiddleEngland]

Totally normal for some children to wake numerous times in the night. One of mine did. I knew we weren't doing anything wrong as her twin slept through from about 3 months. They are all different.

It's a problem if it's affecting your daily life, but no need for others to judge.

[hellsbellsmelons]

My DD slept through at 3 months.
She had to as I was going back to full time work.
I used CIO method.
That was nearly 19 years ago though and things have changed massively.
It was almost expected that you do it back then.
Definitely generational!
You do what's right for your DC.
Don't worry or be pressured by anyone else or their experiences.
Every single child is different. Simple as that.

[5minutestobed]

Interesting attitude Cathf.
I'm not happy to have a baby who doesn't sleep all night but I am accepting that that's just how it is when you have small children. Sometimes they just don't sleep!

I wouldn't however leave my baby to cry just so I could get some sleep. I am a parent 24 hours a day, not just during the day, if my children need comfort at night then so be it.

I think it is a generational thing that people now see babies and children for what they are (little people) in my parents/grandparents were young it was thought that babies didn't have feelings and emotions in the same way adults do, all that nonsense about crying being good for their lungs etc. I'm glad that a lot of people don't think like that anymore.

Anyway people parent differently. It just bothers me when people are made to feel their baby isn't normal because they wake in the night when actually the opposite is true.

[cathf]

Noeffing, I think you are probably right.
Maybe Mumsnet posters are towards the exteme end, I don't know, but there does seem to be a massive shift in attitude towards babies these days, and the whole family is expected to revolve around baby rather than baby fitting in.
I honestly don't know anyone who would be happy with a non-sleeping baby, regard sleeping though as old-fashioned and be happy to have a 'fidget bum' in bed with them half the night. Getting baby to sleep through the night was number one priority with all my friends (my children range from 23-9)
I don't think this attitude is doing the children any favours in the long run as it is teaching them that they are the centre of the universe and everything is about them and what they want, when in the real world, it's not.

[noeffingidea]

I personally agree with you, cathf. But it's up to the individual, isn't it.
I'm not sure it's outdated, either. I think a lot of people still get their ideas about parenting from their parents (usually mums) rather than parenting sites and advice from health visitors, etc. For example, with weaning, everyone I know still starts their babies on solids at 3-4 months.
Personally I'm happy that my babies slept through (at least the hours I wanted them to) and if I was having another baby now I would do exactly the same things I did 28 years ago with my first baby, at least regarding sleep.

[cathf]

I get that some babies refuse to sleep through.
I get that all babies are different
I get that bf babies MAY be more difficult to settle than FF ones.
What I don't get is the airy attitude that it's perfectly fine to be waking up 2 or 3 times a night and not to seem to have any desire to do something about it.
It is as if admitting that it is not ideal somehow marks you out as an awful mother, as you are not surrendering yourself completely to your baby's whims.
What about mum's needs and the rest of the family? Baby seems to trump everyone else, rather than fit in as far as possible.

[JasperDamerel]

I was a terrible sleeper as a baby, and DD has followed my own sleep pattern. I suspect that light sleepers are less likely to have babies who sleep through, because they wake more often themselves and so respond more quickly to their baby's waking.

I do remember astonishing a friend when DD was a couple of months old. We went over to watch a film at her house, with DD asleep in a pram in the next room. Being an exhausted new parent, I fell asleep on the sofa half way through the film. Suddenly I sat up, wide awake and looked towards DD, who had been silently sleeping. A couple of seconds later she woke up and started crying for me. Somehow, in my sleep, in a noisy room, I had detected a change in DDs movement or breathing pattern that meant she was about to wake up, and woken up in order to feed her.

Both of mine were toddlers before they slept through, but they had very different sleeping habits, and those general personality related sleep traits have continued into childhood. So DD has a head full of thoughts and finds it hard to get to sleep, whereas DS goes to sleep easily but doesn't like being alone, and is a natural early riser.

[MrsNuckyThompson]

It is entirely normal at that age. I think LOTS of people lie about this. DS was about 9 months when he dropped his final night feed. He's a reliable sleeper now aged 3.5.

[TriJo]

My 7 month old is breastfed - he slept through from 3 to 6 months but it all went to hell at that stage. He's generally waking up twice at night these days, once between midnight and 2 and once around 4.

[HyacinthFuckit]

Normal to be sleeping through at that age, normal not to be. And of course, it's perfectly possible for them to sleep through whilst still in the same room as parents, without any CIO etc. For some of them it's just what they do.

But if you think about it, there's huge variation in what's normal for adult sleeping patterns too. So it's not that surprising that babies aren't one size fits all either.

[Gardenbirdy]

They're all different - at 6 months teething can start which can throw a previously good sleeper right off. Mine slept through regularly at 10 months and is now a pretty good sleeper, so it was worth the wait! But I have other friends who did CC to save their marriage / sanity and another who paid a sleep consultant for advice.
Babies are all different, we are all different, trust your instinct and do whatever works for you. It's hard!

[TigerLily666]

No martyr here. Just feel v strongly that babies/toddlers/children do things in their own time and in their own way, including sleeping. I remember speaking to a (very sensible) paediatrician at one point who basically said 'whatever gets you through it' when I confessed DC still had bottle as part of bedtime routine at age 2!