To move?

[CurrySauce]

DS(7) and I live in a rural village, I have lived here all my life as has DS. My parents and siblings all live here and DS has a good group of friends at the very small but excellent local primary. There are a few afterschool clubs which run on random days of the week until 4pm but otherwise I rely entirely on my parents for childcare and have to travel over an hour to uni for study/ work placement. There are hardly any jobs in the area and those that come up are not suitable logistically/ are not the type of work I want to end up stuck in as there would be very limited opportunity for progression and I don't want to do the type of work that generally comes up.

I have decided to move in with my boyfriend, he lives in the town my uni is in. I have found DS an excellent but much larger school (provided placing request is granted). I will be too far away for my parents to help with childcare but this school has breakfast club and afterschool club until 6pm as well as holiday clubs. I should be able to find part time work in this town around studying as well as being close to uni- meaning I will actually be at home more for DS instead of spending nearly three hours a day travelling. There will be better opportunities for me in terms of work once I qualify and DS will have so much more on his doorstep in terms of extra curricular activities plus leisure facilities (swimming pool, parks, childrens sports teams, music lessons, art and drama clubs).

Currently just feel trapped where I am and see no future for us if we stay put but there's a village mentality that seems to hold people here for generations.

My family have been less than enthusiastic about this. Mum refuses to engage in discussion about it, my sister made horrible comments about my DP being DS' "new dad" and have said it's unfair to take DS out of school and away from his friends etc.

I don't feel I'm being selfish- I think that whilst there will be alot of adjusting for DS at first, in the long run this will open up opportunities and make life more settled for us both.

I'd like my family to see things from my point of view but atm there's just a horrible atmosphere and I also don't feel I need to 'justify' my decision to them but I'd like them to be on board.

I have a feeling they think the move is due to wanting to live with DP, but I had started looking at places to live in this town before we got serious.

I worry that maybe I am being selfish and just missing what everyone else seems to be seeing.

[HereIAm20]

Go now ... and keep on going! You have set yourself new horizons by going to uni. Don't small village mentality drag you down. Fly high! Do well! Enjoy your new life with your partner and your son is still young enough to be adaptable and will grow up with a Mum who has achieved something for herself!

[CurrySauce]

Well the cat is out of the bag now- I've spoken to DS about it amd he had alot of questions but then went running straight up to my partner yesterday when we arrived shouting excitedly "we're coming to live with you and I'm going to X school!" I think he is pleased!

I'm happy, we went for a drive to see what new school looked like and it's lovely-DS agrees. I'm going to try and arrange a visit for him before he starts.

[cosmicglittergirl]

Yay!

[Gowgirl]

I could have written this op, when I said I was moving myself and dh plus 3dc to soddam and gommorah London my family were in uproar!
Dangerous, bad schools, terrorism, full of Muslims were a few of the remarksplus they blamed dh even though it was me who found the house, schools and proposed the move!
Now my mum spends more time here than at home, ds 1 has lost that village mentality and has a lovely group of mates(yes some of them are even shock horror -not white!), and my dsis has to admit I am much happier!
Good luck with your move!

[CurrySauce]

Thanks Gowgirl! I'm glad your move went well and that your mum came round in the end. I hope my move is as successful as yours!

[HeteronormativeHaybales]

Honestly? I'd stay put until you've finished your degree, then move once you have a job offer. But not to your boyfriend.

Look at it from your ds' POV. He'll be losing a cosy little world, with GPs for before- and after-school childcare, to suddenly be thrust into a much larger school, long days in breakfast and after school clubs and sharing his home with a man who is still essentially a stranger.

He will benefit more from activities, and perhaps be more interested in a move to town, when he's closer to secondary age. And moving to a place with presumably more expensive rents is a bit of a risk without a firm job offer.

There's a lot in your OP about the benefits to you. But a lot of the benefits to ds you list aren't really taking account of his current world iyswim.

[HeteronormativeHaybales]

X post - I do think my caveats still apply, although he sounds enthusiastic.
Good luck - do keep an eye on him and don't be afraid to change things if he's struggling.

[myownprivateidaho]

I think it sounds like the town would provide more opportunities for you and your son. Your family will get used to it.

[Silverstreaks]

Sounds like you've thoroughly thought it through. You, your partner and your child are keen.
Your family are feeling rejected, but you can't live your life for their feelings. The town has lots to offer and your child will benefit from a broader experience. You're going to do it anyway so make it sooner rather than tormenting yourself.