to be p*****ed off when my mil lets me down??

[tinkerbellie]

my mil is awful she calls me fat all the time (two hours after dd's birth) says stuff to dh if she finds out he's done any house work like couldn't she have done that

she constantly makes sniping remarks about my mum and despite being told on numerous occassions continues to stand in the back door and smoke although she knows i donlt let anyone smoke in the house

she has been ill for a while and i don't mean to sound nasty but i really do think that she plays on it and makes it out to be worse than it is

she has something wrong with one of her kidneys and turned round to dh and tols she was going to die because you can't live with just one kidney (bull shit) then asked him for one of his

she complains because we don't let her look after the kids because she says that she falls over and has dizzy spells - when i told her this was why i wouldn't leave them with her she said that they had stopped now

anyway i asked her to look after the kids for 4 hours on monday morning so i could go into work this was at the end of last week

she has just phoned to say that she can't as she feels sick (it's friday!!)
i have no time now to arrange something else and am sooo pissed off!!
i am not answering the phone to her as i will say something dh will regret and no she has got his auntie phoning me up saying that she is not anwering the phone and thatthey are rushing her to hospital

have phoned dh up at work and he has spoken to her and says that she is fine


am i being unreasonable...

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

[superloopy]

Oh My God!!!! Did a house fall on her in Kansas????

[TravellingontheClaphamOmnibus]

she sounds bonkers

[tirnanog]

She is trying to make you feel bad for being married to her beloved son,I would say she is obviously jealous and quite possibly a bit barmy too

[tinkerbellie]

i know but if i say anything to dh about the things she says for eg

she said to my mum just before xmas that she would be coming for dinner on xmas day and that her doc had said she had lost too much weight but you obvioulsey don;t have that prob

and she has said to me loads of times things like you could do to lose some weight

you've out on a lot since you stopped smoking (i'm a size ten and have two kids)

when she pointed out to everyone two hours after the birth of dd that i still looked pregant my mum said to her that everyone does, she said that she didn't and then she wouldn't go home never mind the fact that me and dh had been up all night and i actually had to cook her tea before she would f**k off

sorry got carried alway in a rant then ...anyway he just says she doesn't mean it like that etc

but he is pissed with her today though as he is going to have to have the day off work now

[tirnanog]

It's hard for men when their mothers behave like this,he can see what she is like but can't bring himself to deal with it [men are very weak] keep smiling through and don't give her an inch,so long as your husband knows you and the children come first you might just have to put up with the loony woman

[crazylazydaisy]

Was in complete agreement with you- until you said you were a size 10 after 2 kids

[LowFatMilkshake]

You are not being unreasonable at all. When I saw the opening line I was goping to ask you if you were my SIL!!

Same behaviour different illness!

Call her bluff - SIL has done this and MIL is in a very cold place now (metaphorically speaking). Only problem is you need DH's full support else it crumbles.

[tinkerbellie]

i know it sounds really horrible but just keep on thinking that she'll hopefully die soonso she won;t be a prob anymore, of course will feel bad for dh but she's so manipulative

although i have a feeling she'll be a creaking gate and go on forever

dh works most weekends and she's got it into her head that she must see the kids every other weekend cos my mum watches them whilst i work

she also flirts with my dad when he and my mum are round anf if the kids say that grandma has bought them something she will say something nasty or ask if my dad bought it - she just wierd

shes obssessive over the kid's health and will phone up in the middle ofthe night and say that she hada bad feeling etc

[FluffyMummy123]

Message withdrawn

[LowFatMilkshake]

You need to point out to your DH just what is going on - some men are blind to thier mothers behaviour as they have grown up with it!

DH has moved away from his mum and can see - now he is on the outside just what she's like, where as his brother is stuck between his mum and wife, and SIL is not beackwards in coming forwards so is always treated like the 'bad one'

I tell you what.... In the 80's all male stand up comics used to joke about thier MIL's. The grim reality is that it's actualy womens MIL's who are the PITA's!

[tinkerbellie]

i have told him but he thinks i'm exagerrating

he did have a go at her once when one of his friends siad that he was on antidepressents she went of on one saying that he didnlt need them and that he would never be as ill as her etc - he just lost it with her


i think he doesn't like to fall out with her because his dad died when he was 8 and she seems to use it against him - when we first moved in together he was still quite raw over it but since has put it behind him - but she's like every time you go past the cemetary shouts hello to him and brings it up all the time not like memories or any good stuff
she'll say things to him like do you remember when your dad used to bang his head on the cabinet and there was blood everywhere - this was after we found out a relative had died in a similar way

it's like she can't bear not to be the porrest ot the illest and i'm sure she slags me off to his aunt as when i have spoken to her she's funny with me and send wierd letters telling me to cherish my kids because not everyone can have then and likethe phone call this morning

[LowFatMilkshake]

My SIL has had it out with our MIL and told her straight - I admire her as I dont have the courage to do such a thing, plus I have'nt suffered as much as SIL.

If you did have a 'chat' with your MIl whould DH support you?

[tinkerbellie]

yes i think he prob would if i was calm and didn't lose my temper

the thing is he knows what his mu is like (aboutthe illness thing definately), it's like he just doesn't know how bad she is

i've told him the things she's said and stuff and he's horrified but still doesn't think she's being nasty just tactless

[LowFatMilkshake]

Tactless is the same explanation my MIL gets away with - but if it's making someone unhappy it's still not acceptable!

[Booboobedoo]

It seems to be very hard for some men to think that their female relatives could genuinely be nasty pieces of work.

My example:

My DH has fertility problems. Luckily I don't. His family know about the problem, as it's a congenital thing he was diagnosed with as a boy. They wouldn't let him talk abut it, even when he was a little boy. It was treated as a dirty topic.

My SIL offered several times to carry a baby for me, implying that there must be something wrong with me too as we weren't pregnant yet.

My MIL spent most of our wedding day wandering round asking my friends (including bridemaids) whether or not I'd mentioned whether DH and I were trying for children, as she was desperate for more grandchildren, knowing full well there was nothing we could do until we started fertility treatment.

After successful treatment we're expecting our first in three weeks, but I'm not sure I can ever quite forguve them for the way they made me feel while we were trying.

DH, too, thinks they're 'tactless'. They're not: they're witches.

[LowFatMilkshake]

Your poor DH - how could his own mum go round like that when she knows he as a problem in that area - I agree, witch!

My MIL told DH it was my fault our DD ended up in SCBU at 4 days old because she was starving - she said I should'nt have tried to BF Like I knew I had ornamental boobs!