To be pissed off re hundreds of photos of my DP and all of his exes on his laptop?

[Simplecountrygirl]

Been together 3 years. Had to use his laptop this afternoon, it was open on his pictures but recent ones to be fair. I admit I was naughty and had a snoop.

I'm not joking when I say there are hundreds of pictures of him and all of his exes from the past 7-8 years.

One girl in particular he seemed to enjoy taking photos of because there are loads of her, smiling at him in restaurants, in cars, taking photos when she's unaware on days out, couple selfies etc.

Likewise another one, I don't know how many couple selfies there were. As well as some underwear pics of her, pics of her in bikinis on their holidays etc.

Cut yo us, he's never taken a 'selfie' of us together, he's never taken a photo of me (that I've been aware of) he just acts like he's not bothered about all of that. (I'm skinny and attractive, and not as arrogant as I sound btw, just for illustrative purposes for this post)

I guess I feel a bit pissed off because one he's been complaining his laptop is slow ATM, well I'm not bloody surprised with all that lot on there and 2) because like I say, he never really takes any pictures or anything like that of us or me!

I don't think they're on his iPad or phone, I think they're stored on his iCloud which is why they are coming up in pictures on his Mac.

AIBU to feel annoyed? Would you/ should I say something?

[Simplecountrygirl]

Yes occasionally and he huffs and puffs but obliges. Didn't look like he was 'obliging' with these photos, looks like he instigated the majority of them!

[KatieKaboom]

Do you ever ask him to take your photo?

[Simplecountrygirl]

For goodness sake, I'm not really bothered about him deleting them. I don't think I've even said I want him to delete them. In all honesty, I suspect they're on his iCloud and he doesn't know they are there.

It's the fact he took them at all, when he's never done anything remotely like that with me.

I'm aware he has a past and exes, I do too.

[c3pu]

I have literally gigabytes of photos of me and my ex.

I don't sit there mooching over them, but she is my boys mother and its a long period of my life that I've no wish to erase. Any girl who wanted me to delete them would be kindly shown the door.

[KatieKaboom]

When I am old, I hope I will have mementoes of my life to look back on.

Would I refuse to shag Leonard Cohen just because he has written songs and even albums about specific former lovers?

No, I would not.

YABwet and insecure.

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

It's more the fact that he hasn't ever expressed an interest in taking photos of me or us sad even when we've been at the top of the Swiss Alps skiing, yet he's clearly keen on taking them of him and his exes on the sofa together or on a night out. Just makes me feel a bit sub standard.

That's the crux. It's not that he's got the photos, it's that by you coming across them, you now know that this isn't just "how he is". It's not that he doesn't think to take photos, or he's not a photo-y person. It's that he's not interested in capturing photos with you, and he was, with those exes.

It could be that his ex got very annoyed with him constantly photoing and filming her, and he's learnt not too. It could be that someone told him that the line between "cute" and "creepy" when it comes to candidly photographing women is very fine. It could be that as he's grown up, he doesn't feel as much of a need to photograph and document everything - or it could be that he doesn't have the urge to photograph you, or document his life with you. Only he would know, really.

I'd talk to him, but not about the photos. Tell him you've realised there aren't many photos of you together, see what he says. If he's got a genuine reason for not photographing you, it'll come up. If you tell him it's important to you and he doesn't make the effort, it'll be a sign of what this means to him. Hopefully, though, he will make an effort, and he'll fill the void, and you'll forget the older photos. It'd mean nothing if he deleted them just because you asked him too anyway. He could easily undelete them and move them elsewhere, and even if he didn't, it wasn't a choice not to have them.

I hope he puts your mind at rest.

[roundaboutthetown]

Maybe one of his exes said it was creepy the way he kept taking photos of her all the time and he's learnt his lesson...

[butterfliesandzebras]

I have never deleted/destroyed any of my old pictures. It's a record of my life.

I have never thought, 'oh I want to see a picture of my ex'. But I have, for example, when meeting up with an old uni friend looked back at the pictures of that era and had a good giggle at our hair/clothes and 'oh dear God, I had totally forgotten about the time my uni boyfriend grew a goatee! Why on earth did I think that looked cool?!!' etc.

Going back through my photos to remove pictures of ex's would give them far too much time and importance my life now. They are people I once knew and did stuff with. That's all.

[starboyz]

This would bother me I am not going to lie.

[Simplecountrygirl]

I wouldn't be bothered if that's how it seemed but in a lot of them they are being caught unaware or are putting their hand up to the camera. He's even got a video of one of them. She was reading a menu and she looked up and caught him filming her and laughed and was like 'oh you sod' and he said 'I love it when you pull that face when you're concentrating' wtf?! He's never attempted to video me (thank god!) doing something as mundane as reading a menu!!! Yes I'm childish and jealous but I've always had a niggling that perhaps he is t over one of his exes, or that one of them was the 'one that got away' I've said as much to him and he's told me to stop being so silly. I probably am stupid, but finding/ seeing these haven't helped!

[Mummyshortlegz]

Perhaps they were the ones to request the photos? My dh takes pictures of me / us because I ask him to : strongly encourage him.

[Simplecountrygirl]

No, no children.

I'm not particularly hurt or bothered about him having photos on his iCloud or whatever, I understand everyone has a past, me included.

It's more the fact that he hasn't ever expressed an interest in taking photos of me or us :( even when we've been at the top of the Swiss Alps skiing, yet he's clearly keen on taking them of him and his exes on the sofa together or on a night out. Just makes me feel a bit sub standard.

[Purplebluebird]

I wouldn't be bothered about having pictures of exes - however it would bother me if he has lots of pics of them, but not bothered about taking photos with you? That sounds a bit strange to me.

[milkyface]

There is even some photos of her topless and they are kissing

That is absolutely too far for me. I couldn't be with anyone who kept shit like that.

[milkyface]

Sorry, but that comes off as really possessive and abusive to me.

Abusive? Seriously?

[ButtMuncher]

YABU I think. My DP spent 9 years with his ex who is also the mother to his first child - so he has tonnes of photos of her, with him, without him, with their son, with their house when they bought it. Do I like all of the photos? No, but he had a life before me and those photos should be kept
if not because they are his possessions, but because they are relevant to their son. DP said without their son he'd probably delete them, but I've never made or asked him too - I did ask if he could put them in a sub folder, but mainly because they were so badly named I kept clicking on them unnecessarily.

My laptop has tonnes of photos of me and my ex. My DP has never asked me to delete mine either, nor would I.

[juicee13]

BowieFan
My older 2 children are with my exH as it says in my post. I have another child to my current partner. My exH is now remarried and the kids see him regularly so they know life moves on etc. I just don't feel that it's necessary to keep folders of candid photos of exes.

[NoFuchsGiven]

My dp (been with him nearly 9 years) has actual photos, you know the ones you can hold and touch, he has 4 HUGE Albums under our bed of him travelling the world with his ex, There is even some photos of her topless and they are kissing. To top that off her best mate (who dp had a baby with when him and his ex split up) is on those photos too, also topless on some!

Should I burn the house down? Burn the bed? LTB?

We have very few pics together btw I also have a box of photos with my ex

Get a grip fgs.

[LittleWingSoul]

Oh I should add my previous relationships have generally never ended amicably so I would never want to keep photos of them. Digitally or otherwise. Ditto clothes of mine that remind me of them. Sometimes even music. Maybe this colours the way I feel about his exes too, although I know his ended more or less amicably, so I probably ABU. A bit, anyway

[dalmatianmad]

Yabu he can't delete or undo his past!

[LittleWingSoul]

OP I feel your pain as this exact scenario happened to me and it really really affected me. Lots of candid pics of his ex curled up sleeping or dancing or just generally looking stunning and youthful and having fun... photos he'd never take of me. Obviously he was young then and he's not with her now, we're married and in love with DC... That doesnt make it less painful to see. And worse to have the ability to compare yourself to them - in how they look (she was stunning) and how many photos like that he's ever taken of you (very very few!)

I was quite hysterical when I confronted him and he was calm and reassuring and deleted them. He is just scatty and forgot they were there, he wasn't keeping them for a special occasion! Think the way he reacted was a pretty good marker of what a lovely man I think he is.

TBH that was maybe only a year into our relationship, I think I wouldn't mind so much now - I feel a bit more confident in our relationship.

YANBU. Calmly ask OH if he'd mind removing them. I hope you get a similar reaction to the one I got.

[eurochick]

Yabu. I have pictures of various exes. They are part of my history. I'm not editing it because I'm with someone too immature to accept that I have a past!

[Ruthiesj]

YANBU to feel a bit funny about seeing these photos, but YABU to expect him to delete or remove the photos or be surprised they exist.

I would be annoyed if someone expected me to delete or discard any of my old photos. Their existence doesn't mean I love my husband any less or am in any way less committed to him.

[roundaboutthetown]

? I think I need to understand more of the context. Are these albums dedicated to pictures of his exes, or photos of holidays he went on, which include photos of his exes because they were on holiday with him (and therefore would reasonably be in the majority of the photographs)? YABU if you think he should plough through all his past photos and delete any that contain pictures of his exes, as that would be deleting most of his holiday snaps. But I can see why you are a bit upset if they are album upon album of photos only containing pictures of his ex girlfriends posing for him. As for him not taking pictures of you - picture taking is clearly not indicative of a long lasting, secure relationship in his case, if he has tonnes of ex partners, so I wouldn't be bothered if he isn't desperate to add you to his gallery...