10.30pm is too late for a non-urgent phone call

[redskytonight]

The phone rang last night at 10.30, scaring the life out of me and DH (who assumed it must be some sort of emergency as it was so late), and waking up one of the DC.

It turned out to be my mum, who had some news to share. The news was something she’d known since mid-afternoon (so not something she was desperate to tell me) and could have easily waited until the next day or the day after (it wasn’t vital that I knew it that day).
She was narked when I pointed out it was too late for just a general call and was perhaps not suitably appreciative about her ringing to tell me her news, and pointed out I could have just let it go to the answerphone if it was too late for us (we didn’t because we’d assumed it was important).

AIBU to think that you don’t ring at this time unless it is urgent?

[daisypond]

Nothing after 9pm. Most people I know wouldn't try it either. I'm in bed by 9 most evenings.

[Blueskyrain]

It depends on your lifestyle.
For me, not before 8 at weekdays, and 10 at weekends, but I wouldn't think a call was late until after 10. At 10ish, I'd probably text first most of the time.

But it depends. I wouldn't call my inlaws after half past 8, but I'd call my parents upto about half 11, because they go to bed later.

Yes evenings are often for relaxing, etc, but if you've been busy in work all day, come home, sort dinner etc, then chances are it will be gone 8 before you have chance to call.

Urgent calls any time.

[CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt]

My FIL rang us a fortnight ago at 10:45pm because his computer had broken! I have a newborn so was very peeved.

He is the most self involved person I know.

[iklboo]

I got one of those bloody 'survey' cold calls at 9:15pm last week. The number came up 'unknown' and as my rather fragile parents were on holiday at the time I had a moment's panic that something had happened to one of them. I'm afraid I was less than polite to the caller.

[Magicpaintbrush]

That is way too late for a non urgent phonecall - YADNBU! It's madness I tell you. It would give me the right old hump.

[littleprincesssara]

Depends on the person.
I'd think nothing of a phone chat at 2am but everyone knows not to call before noon.

[ErrolTheDragon]

I really don't get the 'news of a death, anytime day or night' thing. Or news that someone is near death's door, if there's nothing you can do (visit, talk to them, support someone who can do those things).

I got a phone call in the middle of the night once to let us know that DHs aunt had died. He was extremely fond of her, but WTF was the point of a small hours call? I waited till morning to tell him - better to have bad news after a full nights sleep than woken abruptly.

[dustarr73]

I t is too late unless youknow that person is a nightowl.I wouldnt really ring after 8.30.People want their downtime especially after work and kids.

[paxillin]

News of a death, anytime of day or night. Emergency that I can do something about (A&E and need a child to be picked up) the same. Potentially life threatening situation (again, A&E), too.

Normal calls ok until 11pm for me personally, most of my friends and family are nightowls and I am, too. Obviously I don't call the early-to-bed friends late. I hate early morning calls. Sundays, that is anything before 10am for me.

[FleurThomas]

You can't control when a person calls you. If you don't want calls at 10 then disable the ringer or set to voicemail after a certain time. Can do that with most house phones now

[Billben]

I don't call or want to be called before 9am and after 9pm, unless it's an emergency. Will reply to texts though.

[Enkopkaffetak]

Fil rang to tell us that his mum had died at 4.30am.

Navy My stepdad and sister waited until the next morning to call me to tell me that my mother had died (she passed at 2 am in the morning their time so 1 am mine) Had they called 10 minutes later I would have found out on facebook where my brother had posted it at 4 am in the morning (They had called him)

I Minded a great deal that I had not been told earlier. Even without the facebook possibility I would have rather been told when it happened.


OP for me after 10 pm is to late to call unless people have said it is ok. I say that as someone who is not a early to bed person. After 10 makes my heart go quicker as I worry.

[redskytonight]

I'm generally in bed by 10.30pm (so is DM come to that) so definitely would count as late in our household.

My parents are technophobes so texting/emailing would not happen - we only communicate via phone. DM would normally ring earlier in the evening (say between 7-9).

DM is early 70s, and has always been socially inept so I guess it's probably just another manifestation of that (though interesting point about looking for early signs of dementia)

[wornoutboots]

after 8 I'd rather have a text to ask if it's convenient (small kids, bedtime etc)

after 10 it had better be bloody important or pre-arranged!

[chattygranny]

How old is DM? My late mother had a degree of dementia in her last years (when she was very old) and one of the things she lost was appropriate behaviour so she would call late at night, something she would never have done beforehand. Just a thought. Dates and times is often one of the first things to go so if this was out of character just be aware. It's probably nothing in your case but we should all be aware of early signs.

I wouldn't call anyone before 8.30 or after 8.30 unless it was very urgent but I would text my family as I know they will have phones on silent if sleeping. I am surprised if this was your mother you didn't just say "Mum! Don't call me after 8.30 (or whatever) unless it's really urgent!" My adult kids would certainly tell me but maybe you are more polite and restrained!
;/

[CarrotVan]

If I didn't accept calls after 6pm I'd never speak to anyone! Most of my friends and family are just getting back from work between 5.30-7.30pm so calls are normally after 8pm.

I don't like calls after 9.30pm and I do call screen

[JennyOnAPlate]

Yanbu. Dh and I go to bed at 10 (up early) so would be thoroughly unimpressed by a 10.30 phone call unless someone was dead or gravely ill.

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es]

It depends, after 10pm is by far the easiest time for me to chat, my mum is a night owl, so it's completely normal for me. I appreciate that some people do go to bed very early though, so wouldn't ring anyone that late unless I know they too are a night owl.

[llangennith]

YANBU. I unplug the house phone early evening and if my mobile rings I see who's calling and decide whether or not to answer. If it's urgent the caller will text to say they need to speak to me

[ColonelSamanthaCarter]

Theres me thinking anything after 6 pm is rude! People are eating meals in the evening, catching up on their day, watching TV, they dont need interuppting. I get annoyed if the phone rings after 7pm, i tend not to answer it, it is normally someone selling something anyway

[CruCru]

I'm not much of a fan of evening calls in general. By 6:30 / 7, it's putting the children to bed then we're making our own dinner then it's almost 9.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

Yanbu. I'm in bed (and often asleep) by 10 most nights.

[Yawnyawnallday]

Anyone who knows me knows that a post 9 pm call is emergency only. I know others who will be happy to have a chatty call at that time. Horses for courses.

[MuseumOfCurry]

I don't think it's so much that 9pm is late, but rather that I'm knee-deep in family stuff e.g. putting kids to bed and eyeing up the couch and a bottle of wine.

It's fine if my sister (for example) calls, I'd probably put her on speaker phone to say to everyone but I don't really want to hear from casual acquaintances at this hour.