To make DS go to this party?

[Rollergirl1]

DS (8) received an invitation from a boy in his class for his birthday. He doesn't play with the boy at all.

Just to give some background the boy has quite significant behavioural problems and I think he has a statement. He has anger issues and can get quite aggressive and disruptive in class (throwing chairs around and lashing out) and there have also been cases of him biting and punching other children in the class. But DS says he has been a lot better lately. There was also another boy in the class who was very very disruptive and he was excluded about a year ago.

Anyway, it is a laser quest party and DS really likes this activity. I asked DS if he wanted to go when we first got the invitation and he said that he wanted to see who else from his class was going. He kept forgetting to ask other people though and in the end he said yes he wanted to go so I replied to the mum saying yes.

Since then he has found out that not really anyone else from his class is going but the boy that was excluded is. Now DS doesn't want to go. I am telling him that he has to as we replied to say we were and it is not fair to back out at the last minute. Also I feel a bit sorry for the boy if not many people are going (although I don't actually know who has been invited).

DS is really dreading going now and I feel bad making him but think that if we let him back out now it is not giving a good message.

WWYD?

[Starlight2345]

Yes glad you came back to update.. Hope some people can learn something from this.

I find it odd the people would thing the parents of the party boy would put him in a situation where he would be overwhelmed or unable to cope.

Glad all boys had a good time.

[SomeDaysIDontGiveAMonkeys]

Nicknameused. Gosh thank you! Entitled to my own opinion. That's what forums are for. There you go, you've learnt something (hopefully). Just because someone doesn't agree with someone else, doesn't mean they're wrong. Here you go

[ImissGrannyW]

Yay! I'm glad this worked out so well. Really glad I came back to check as well.

Good result for ALL, and as a PP said, OP, you might never know how much it meant to hosts family.

[Aeroflotgirl]

I agre midsummer it's often the parents, fears, ignorance, lack of understanding, as demonstrated by some on here. Parents can sit down with their child and talk to them about why they feel that way, and explain about the disability and how it affects their peer, why he reacts that way. Come up with a compromise, not all or nothing!

[Aeroflotgirl]

This is a little boy, not a horrid monster to be feared. Run run for your lives type thing.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Damn you special needs parents for wanting to give your child a nice party like all his other friends, how selfish of you! Big eye roll.

My friends ds 9 who sounds very similar to this boy, is in a PRU, at first he was lasting out and violent, then after a little bit, he no longer and is fantastic tgere with no incidences. Makes me wonder how this boys school is managing him, or not, or wether he is in the right setting. somedays RTFT please!!!!

[NicknameUsed]

Read the whole thread Some days. You might learn something. Oh, and have a

[SomeDaysIDontGiveAMonkeys]

Wow! Can't believe how many people are saying it's ok to force a young boy to go and spend time with people on his own, he's frightened of. Of course god shouldn't be forced to go. You would be sending a message that his fears and opinions don't matter.

[2kids2dogsnosense]

Glad to read that your DS had a fab time!

I knew it - I just KNEW it!

I must be psychic or something . . .

[paxillin]

I think children often deal very well with their peers who have sn. My ds told his friend he could go and spend some time with ds's lego collection when he became a little overwhelmed during a noisy party. Result, no meltdown and friend joined the loud party after an hours recharging with lego. They were 7, no adult needed.

It's some of the parents who find this boy unpredictable, the children predict his behaviour correctly. As I found out at that party, they also know how to help.

[midsummabreak]

So true Aeroflotgirl. It seems a lot of Mums think a little eight year old who has SN is like a grenade waiting to go off and can't handle the seemingly unpredictability of a child with SN.
End result: 17 out of 19 Mums were too fearful for their children to go to the party. Or 17 out of 19 children said no and their parents also agreed.

The irony is that SN chldren only act out when they feel overwhelmed or cornered .

It shows that most of us just don't want to understand how to make these children with SN feel 'at home' and safe, as we are too fearful of their seemingly unpredictable behaviour. Yet ofen in fact the SN hild's behaviour is quite predictable in reaction to feeling auditory/sensory/visual overload and overwhelmed or cornered and being unable to cope).
Well done Rollergirl, you have indeep helped one ittle boy have a great birthday, and you may never know how much this meant to that little boy's Mum and Dad.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Thanks very much nicknamed, I am glad this proved those negTive people wrong. It is unacceptable to treat any child like that, you would not do that to a NT child, you do not treat an sn child like that. How is it right, tell me that a little boy, because that is what he is first and foremost, shoukd have nobody come to his party because of his SN. Well done op, now that is how it should be done. Op ds went with his father, he was not alone in the situation, he could leave anytime he felt uncomfortable. Compromise and empathy which is what is lacking in some on here, it's not all or nothing, tgere is a middle ground. The outcome of this, is op ds had a lovely time, and helped make a little boy's birthday special.

[JustCallMeKate]

Bad for the kid with SN, but worse for those around him

Actually, that's where you're VERY wrong. If children with additional educational needs are supported effectively in school there shouldn't be an issue. I've taught many children who have thrown chairs etc and if the correct support is in place the situation can be diffused before these things happen.

OP I'm glad your DS had a lovely time today.

[GrumpyOldBag]

Good on you OP. great parenting!

[splendidglenda]

Oops haven't read whole thread

[splendidglenda]

Also agree with suggestion of Wisewisewords on this

[FrazzleM]

What a fabulous feel good thread!

[NicknameUsed]

Great update Rollergirl1

"It's attitudes like this which make it hard for kids with SN to be accepted."

I agree with all your posts Aeroflotgirl.
User1474781546 Your lack of empathy and understanding is breathtakingly ignorant.

[Aeroflotgirl]

It's taught him a valuable lesson too.

[Aeroflotgirl]

That is fantastic 😄😄😄😄, a big raspberry to the negative people on here. It's fantastic that he went, saw it through and even had a good time.

[JenniferAnistonsHair]

👍👍👍

[Rollergirl1]

Just checking in to update. Everything was absolutely fine. DS had a good time and is glad that he went and I am glad that we stuck to our guns.

I don't think DS and birthday boy will ever be life long friends as a result of him attending his party but I am happy that DS saw his promise through and realised that it wasn't as bad as he was expecting.

[FrazzleM]

Flogging you seem to be jumping to some conclusions there?

[FrazzleM]

Notangelinajolie what a wonderful story!

Your family made the right decision OP. Well done!

[Flyingbellycopters]

NotAngelina - what a great story. that act of kindness built a friendship and you will never know how those two kids turning up helped the overall outcome of that lad who may have felt so very different if no one had turned up. And the parents too. As you say when no one turns up, how devastating that would be for any child.
Well done to you and daughter.