Splitting the bill

[temp1234]

Name changed for this!
I was out a few weeks ago for a meal with some of the women from DHs family, essentially a girls night out.
We were all drinking except DHs cousin who is pregnant.
When the bill came myself and SIL suggested the cousin only pay for what she had as the alcohol had made the bill very high and she hadn't had any of it.
This was agreed and the bill was paid fine with the rest of us splitting it equally.
MIL later told me her sister (DHs aunt) was furious with me for this suggestion, but not SIL
She is not refusing to come to any family occasion where I am going to be there because of this! We have never rowed, and have always gotten on fine.
Although she is clearly angry she has never brought this up with me at all just seems to rant about me to other members of DHs family. SIL hasn't been targeted by her despite it being her idea too!
Was I unreasonable? Or is she?

[Liiinoo]

It sounds like the family like a bit of drama. She has kicked up a stink over something reasonable. MIL has lost no time in passing that onto you - why would she do that If not to cause a stir? My sister has said some very heated things to me about other family members, they are generally ridiculous. I let her rant and it dies there. And now DH has told his aunt (Is that right?) to stay away from his family. It all sounds like a storm in a teacup.
Families will always fight and disagree. As long as there is no abuse or bullying l would just let it go. Be the bigger person.

By the way, that was very thoughtful of you and your SIL not to lumber the pregnant cousin with the cost of group cocktails. It's a shame it has caused such a ruckus.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Jealousy does funny things. Not that I'm excusing her behaviour. So your dh has a lot of clout with her assumedly. Good, hope you can sort this out.

[WhooooAmI24601]

She doesn't need to do anything like get used to you being around, she just needs to remove her head from her arse. You sound perfectly lovely, why she'd have a problem with you is anyone's guess but I wouldn't feed her nonsense by responding. You know you've not behaved badly and she knows she has (hence slating you to other members of the family and trying to repaint the picture so she's the victim). People like that don't change. Stand your ground and refuse to spend time with her from now on.

[temp1234]

She thinks the sun shines out of DHs bum (incidentally so do I he's lovely ) so I think she will have no choice but to let this go. So glad I'm not the one being unreasonable! I'm happy to have her at DDs party if things have blown over by then.

[NoahVale]

tbh, did she want people to know her gripe?
people do get funny about bills splitting, they might be unreasonable but they have their own opinions on the matter.

let it go op.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

How long until the party? I would be careful with her just getting away with this. She is more likely to do it again. My mother bad mouths me btw. So I'm well versed in these situations. I have better boundaries these days have found a period of silence as well as distance for a while (such as banning dhs aunt from the party just this year) very effective. So don't make any decisions either way for now. Glad the family is sticking up for you.

[user1471574830]

H

[temp1234]

Party isn't until January! But I've had to book the venue and entertainer early as its very popular (she's only turning2!!) I'm hoping it will have blown over by then! If not it really is ridiculous isn't it?

[ParForTheCourses]

If she didn't want them noah then bit ching about it to different famity members wasn't the way to go about it. Nor was telling ops dh that op was a trouble maker and not her sort of person.

She caused this shit, she lives with people disagreeing with her and defending the op.

Let her deal with her issues op. You have a good family of in laws there and dh of course who stuck up for you.

[Sassypants82]

Anyone with half a brain will totally understand that the bill was split in the most fair way. I wouldn't worry, she's only showing herself up & doing herself out of a relationship with your immediate family. I'm sure nobody will tolerate her talking about you & very soon she'll regret her behaviour.

[Pineapplemilkshake]

YANBU - I remember being the non drinker at a work event as I was driving and nobody offered for me to pay less - I ended up paying an extra £50 for their alcohol, as people were having expensive cocktails and buying rounds of shots, getting bottles of Sambuca etc for the table. I could have cried as I was broke at the time. That was ten years ago - if it happened now I'd have no issue in bringing it up

I'd pat no attention to the aunt - she's obviously right fisted if she doesn't want to pay for her own drinks. And if she refuses to attend anything that you go to - good, there'll be one less misery guts there.

[Phalenopsisgirl]

Sounds like early dementure or something to me, no 'well' person would get stroppy about something like this

[Pineapplemilkshake]

Aargh ignore the typos!

[TaterTots]

If someone isn't drinking and a lot of money has gone on alcohol, your way is the only fair way. Auntie is a bitch.

If everyone has roughly the same I'd rather split the bill than get the calculators out, but if there's a significant difference people should pay for what they had. I went to a birthday meal years back and, by necessity, had the only veggie option, which was a lot cheaper than some of the meat mains. A couple sitting across from me, who I'd never met, had the most expensive dish on the menu - and surprise surprise, they started working out what 'everyone' owed before anyone else could ask if we were splitting or not. Then to make it worse they loudly say 'Oh, birthday boy shouldn't pay for himself - let's split that between us as well'! They then boasted long and loud about how they were honoured to pay for him. I'd paid for him! What they paid hadn't even covered their own meals!