Manager ringing whilst off sick

[user1472640125]

Hi all,

I'm currently off work (have been for three weeks) due to anxiety and depression. Never been off work previously.

My manager is aware of the reason why I am off and have sent in my sick notes and attending counselling arranged through my works healthcare programme.

My manner is texting or ringing me twice a week where she is asking how I am. This leads to do any idea when you will be back?

AIBU to think she shouldn't be doing this? I'm happy to keep her updated as I have been now and again but the calls or texts twice a week are stressing me out even more. I know they are worrying because two members of staff have recently left so they are understaffed, I feel guilty but also I feel pressurised to get back to work when I'm not ready. What starts as a friendly call to see how I am ends up in "any idea when you are returning".

AIBU to think I need my space to get myself in a better place without worrying about work! Work is part of the reason I'm feeling the way I do x

[Lorelei76]

For the record I wouldn't have minded if my manager didn't keep in touch at all. I presume it's written somewhere that she's meant to. Ironically with major injury it's possibly easier than with some other health issues because it was easy to say there was no way I'd be medically allowed to return any earlier and that a phased return to work would be needed.

I was very luckily to recover faster than expected so the phased bit was meant to be longer than it needed to be, but my manager saw that as a bonus because as a whole the organisation has sensible plans for stuff like this.

In fact it's a good reminder because I've been so bored there lately but they have major plus points so I should be grateful for that.

All best to you op

[UnsuccessfullyAdulting]

By asking our managers not to contact us while we are signed off with stress / depression / anxiety but expecting them to contact us when we are off with a broken leg or the flu is basically just allowing people to stigmatise MH issues. If one is mentally ill, whether briefly or long term, it's an illness and if your manager is calling you once or twice per week to check in, I would take that as a kindness. It may even be written into their contract or job description that they maintain contact with long term sick employees.

[Cherrysoup]

As a manager, having had someone off virtually permanently from November to July, I waited for her to contact me and spoke to HR in between times to get updates. No way was I going to pester her when she was signed off. I wasn't neglectful, long history of issues with this person and I was kept up to date via other (official) means, but I felt it would be harassment to contact her weekly or whatever.

Ringing twice a week to ask when you'll be back when the manager knows it's for stress is frankly stupid: it adds to the stress and she must know that it's not an overnight cure.

[Mrmoonmrmoon]

I would be expected to contact them (and would be be in breach of policy if I didn't ) but I would want to be checking if there was any support that we could offer to facilitate a return to work.

[BerylStreep]

Part of my job as a manager is to plan and have contingencies in place for when someone (inevitably at some stage) is absent for whatever reason.

Asking someone repeatedly when they are coming back to work isn't part of my contingency plan.

[Tigsteroonie]

I've been the manager in a similar situation and, yes, I did phone the individual concerned twice a week. BUT only with that person's agreement to do so, always to ask how they were feeling and to pass on any team news that I thought might interest them, and never to harass them into coming back before they were ready.

Being the manager in such a situation is not easy - it might be the first time that you've had to manage long term sick leave, the first time you've had to manage mental illness in a team member, the first time you've had to make those outgoing telephone calls. You cannot be trained for every eventuality as a manager (sick leave following miscarriage is one of my latest) so many situations are a learning curve - and unless anybody tells you that you're handling matters wrong, you'll keep doing it wrong.

Therefore I would urge the OP to explain to their manager that twice-weekly phone calls are making her situation worse, leading to concern about possibly returning before she is ready. Weekly or even fortnightly phone calls should be sufficient - if that is all that the individual can cope with at that time. The welfare of the individual is paramount.

[Crisscrosscranky]

Are you receiving sick pay? If so, YABU- they are trying to run a business and if they have no idea when you are returning, plus they are paying you and covering your work then it is reasonable for them to keep in touch.

Honestly, if it was me I would provide them with regular and succinct updates- they are playing their end of the game by 'being supportive' and you should play yours by 'being cooperative'.

How long have you worked there? Contrary to popular belief in MN you can be easily dismissed depending on length of service and tribunals favour employers; especially ones who can evidence they were trying to support a return to work

[Lorelei76]

Gertrude "Must be bloody difficult for her to manage a team when she's no idea when you are going to be there."

If she's not up to the job, she shouldn't have taken it.

op is in touch. She should not be continually asked "when will you be back".

[Chemistria]

my OH was in hospital in June with severe ovarian hyperstimulation (ovaries leaking fluid into her chest and tummy, she was really ill) she had her manager texting and ringing her while in hospital asking when she'd be back.

I think it's unreasonable, like you said you don't need the stress.

I was also off for 6 weeks back in 2013 due to stress during early pregnancy (my manager being awful about it and telling me not to get my hopes up that my baby would live, things like that) i was also rung once or twice a week asking how i was blah blah, just wanted to tell them to fuck off.

[topcat2014]

She just needs to assume you will be back no sooner than the end of whatever is the current sick note - as soon as you get another let her know the date.

In a previous job if there was the merest hint of MH issues, responsibility for dealing with that employee passed from the manager to the HR dept - as it is a tricky one. Not like asking when your broken leg plaster is coming off.

[GertrudeBelle]

Also a couple of short calls per week isn't very much at all. Maybe try to reframe how you view her calls. If she's pleasant then it's not unreasonable, surely?

[GertrudeBelle]

Can you not text her each couple of days with an update - "still feeling rotten, can we see how things are in a week, sorry not up to a call" etc.

Must be bloody difficult for her to manage a team when she's no idea when you are going to be there.

[Honeyandfizz]

I am actually off with the exact same thing. I work for the NHS and have had a couple of my lovely colleagues texting asking how i am but no manager. I have kept them updated each time i have seen my GP and that should be enough. It makes it particularly hard if you are off with work related stress or if it contributing to your mental health. Its really not on.

[MycatsaPirate]

I think phoning for updates when you are sending in a sick note from your GP is incredibly invasive.

Can you talk to HR and ask if they can discuss a better way for things to work? If you GP has signed you off for say, the next three weeks, then phoning you every Tuesday and Friday is not going to make that three weeks magically disappear is it?

I'd be mightily pissed off if I can struggling mentally and being hounded about going back to work before I was ready.

[BerylStreep]

Well if you are already providing a weekly update, then either just don't answer her calls or ignore the texts.

If she keeps texting, then reply, 'i'll phone you on Friday at 3pm as we agreed.'

[Lorelei76]

Hate that mentality
I guess also you are looking got a new job?

[user1472640125]

Lorelei76 you have it in one!! X

[user1472640125]

Thankyou for your kind comments. This means a lot. X

[Lorelei76]

Yes there's a balance and she's not keeping it
Let me guess - company has enough money for more staff but won't employ more, therefore everyone's stressed to hell?

[user1472640125]

Hi all,

Yes I can understand her predicament with wanting to know when I will be back etc but I have been quite clear that I'm not in a position mentally to be back. My doctors notes have detailed this. I know they are short staffed (the company I work for is a massive global brand and they rely on the few staff they employ to keep the department afloat). Its basically a shit hits in fan scenario if anyone is off. I don't feel that I should have to feel hurried to go back because of this. Part of the reason I'm ill is because of the stress of work.

I don't mind updating her regularly but when I get calls or messages twice a week when I've already updated her its getting me down even more. I feel guilty for being poorly and letting everyone down. I also don't like the fact the call starts with, I'm just checking to see if you are okay and quickly switches to when will you be back.

All I want at this very minute is to be left alone, not think about work or panic about work ringing me. I may as well be back there!!

I can see the flip side where someone mentioned about their boss not contacting them at all. But there is a balance. Its not like I've fallen off the face of the earth (as much as I would like to right now). I've been giving weekly updates.

[UnsuccessfullyAdulting]

Some employee contracts / handbooks state that you & your line manager have a responsibility to maintain contact whilst you're off work. Do you know if yours has this OP?

[Violetcharlotte]

No YANBU. It's one thing to text to see how you are, another to ask when you're going to be back! Do you have a HR person you could talk to and explain how you're feeling? Maybe they could have a word with your manager and help you come to an agreement with how you an keep
your manager posted without it stressing you out?

Unfortunately some people don't see mental health as a real illness - sounds like your manager could fall into this category.

Take good care of yourself, hope you feel better soon xxxx

[DrLockhart]

Also hope you are feeling better soon user

[DrLockhart]

Calling someone to see if they're OK is not illegal.
Pestering someone one borders on harassment at work.

You have to look at it this way, would you be pissed off if you heard absolutely nothing from the company or your manager?

Drop her a call, tell her factually:

• what you have been advised by a medical professional (assuming rest, recuperation, switch off from wrk),
  
• that you will not return until your GP signs you fit for work which could be at the end of the medical certificate or potentially longer;
  
• that you would like to keep in touch every Friday at 3pm, and
  
• could she not text or contact in the meantime as you feel the questions about your RTW date isn't necessary whilst your are off.

[BerylStreep]

In my workplace our policy is that we contact people after three days, then after 7 and then quite frequently thereafter (I can't remember). Our work specifies that it is part of the contract of employment that you maintain regular contact with managers if off sick. That contact must be by phone. Text isn't sufficient.

I think twice a week over three weeks does seem to be a bit excessive, especially if it is stress you are off with.

Would it help if you were to initiate the contact so that you feel more in control? Say to your boss - 'I'll phone you next Monday to let you know how I'm doing.' Makes clear that you will do the phoning, and specifies when. You would need to make sure you stick to it though.

If she asks when you'll be back, just state 'well my sick line is until XXX. I'll be seeing my doctor before it runs out and I'll let you know.'