To leave toddler twins

[Toddlerwhatwhywhat]

Having a bit of a confidence crisis... Does anyone leave their 18 month olds to just play with their toys whilst doing housework etc in the morning? We live in a tiny flat and have twins so it gets messy / dirty so quickly. I can't do it evenings as they don't sleep well and can't leave it until the weekend as we wouldn't be able to move for toys and debris!! I just feel so guilty leaving them for a few hours every morning just playing and looking at books whilst I tidy / clean / prepare food etc. Is this selfish / not good for them? Thanks!

[FleurThomas]

At 18 months my neice was everywhere so I wouldn't have dared to to leave her out of direct line of sight, but I did encourage her to play by herself. As long as you're keeping things sensible then it's okay.

[namechangedtoday15]

Not sure I would have done that with my 18 month old twins - yes, putting a load of washing on, but I would just take them around the house with me - so I'd clean the bathroom whilst they were having their bath (watching them obviously!), or I'd hoover upstairs and they'd be playing in the bedroom whilst I "chased" them with the hoover / play hide and seek as I changed the bedding etc.

But the question is what housework are you doing for 2 hours a day every day?!!!

[garlicandsapphire]

Absolutely the right thing to do (with the proviso's others have mentioned). Our job as parents is to love unconditionally and to allow space for exploration and growth - which independent play absolutely is - so that one day they will stand on their own two feet and be independent. I do think some parents make a rod for their own backs when they constantly play and interact with the children and never leave them to learn to entertain themselves.

[ScaredFuture99]

Yes yes and yes as long as the environment they are in is safe.

They actually do need to learn to do things themselves. They do need to try things on their own. They don't need you to be behind them ready to catch them up at the smallest issue.

The only I found hard to deal with are fights between them. But, if I remember well, it happens slightly later on.

[KylieJo]

I cannot watch over them at all times, that is impossible. You will have to get some work done. Just try to make it as safe for them as possible to stay alone and you will be fine.

[Hellochicken]

Yes its fine and yes it does take 2 hours to get things done/ clean/ food prep in my house.
I dont have a squeaky clean and tidy house but living in a mess gets me frustrated and it is harder to keep on top of.
Sometimes I find my 1 x 15 month old is making mess faster than I can tidy.

[Toddlerwhatwhywhat]

Namechangedtoday - I do exactly what you do, it takes 2 hours because every 15 mins I play / read / sing. I also have limited mobility so load of washing takes me 10 mins whereas takes dp 2, if that makes sense! Like I said it's the basics, dishwasher, lunch prepared, washing on, nappy wash, quick tidy.

[Toddlerwhatwhywhat]

Hellochicken - totally agree!

[Cherylene]

Mine were good at 'helping' fill the washing machine, tumble drier, fold washing, empty dishwasher [oooerrrrr emoticon], setting the table, changing beds. Unfortunately, they grew out of it.

They used to do shopping (sitting in the trolley, filling the bag with sprouts, one at a time.........) Were very good at buttering their own bread at lunchtime, and making sandwiches. Bluddy chaos. It was heaven when they went to playgroup and I could do some of these things on my own.

When they were 4, and going to school part time, I got bored with cutting out and went upstairs to sort the beds and left them at it. They cut all the fringe off the table cloth.

[EvansAndThePrince]

Butterpuff are you me?

"I wish I could leave my 18 month old to play while I do housework, but she just follows me around destroying things as I work.

Maybe when her sibling arrives I will have more luck."

I came on to type exactly that she's great though really, puts all the washing in the machine for me and turns it on!

[namechangedtoday15]

OP, I meant that they'd be in the room with me, whichever room I was in, and I would involve them somehow in the job, so no, I didn't leave them to play by themselves.

But mine were still sleeping in the day at that point (a couple of hours after lunch) so if most of the housework (obviously not the hovering!) or tidying was done whilst they slept, and my H and I did bits and bobs in the evening once they were in bed.

[waterrat]

It sounds a lot of time to spend on housework - 3 hours?! Enjoy your time with them while they are little...it passes so quickly - before you know it they will be at school all day and you will be alone in a quiet house with the freedom to tidy all you like.

Surely if you get out of the house with them a lot they will make less mess and you will have a better morning anyway?

but leaving them playing on their own is however perfectly healthy for short periods.

[tinyterrors]

It's fine, as long as there's nothing dangerous that they could get hold of.

Learning to play without an adult and occupy themselves is essential for toddlers and young children. I always left mine in the living room, totally baby proof with a gate over the doorway, while I cleaned. If I went upstairs to clean I'd put them in their cot/room with safety gate. I'd keep going and playing every so often. Now they're older they'll quite happily play alone/together without the need for constant attention.

[Toddlerwhatwhywhat]

3 hours? I'm not sure you've read my posts! We usually are out but all ill at the moment hence being in and hence the flat getting v messy and dirty because it's tiny. I've been taking 2 hours because every 15 mins I play with them so get very little done. I also have complex mobility issues so am slow. I do enjoy my time with them - we go out to park / group / activity every afternoon and when we're not sick every morning too.

[lamprey42]

If your twins will play independently for that length of time without killing each other then go for it. Sounds great to me (I could only get away for about ten mins at a time usually without resorting to TV - which I didn't like to do). Independent play very important developmentally (check out RIE and Janet Lansbury for more info). You are going to be close and coming back to check on them and I presume the space is twin proofed - bookcases bolted to walls etc if they are like my mountaineers. As long as you are doing stuff with them at other times I can't see a problem.

[Toddlerwhatwhywhat]

Namechanged- can't have them in the same room as me / helping as they can't walk yet and I can't carry them every time I need to move rooms or I would get them to help me. Hopefully in the next few months!

[LaurieMarlow]

It's really important they learn how to entertain themselves and develop independent play skills. I think it says a lot about modern parenting pressures that people feel guilty about this.

My DS (26 months) loves pottering around by himself, playing with his duplo, singing songs, 'reading' his books. It's good for their development.

[Toddlerwhatwhywhat]

Laurie - thank you!

[luckythirteen]

I have 16 month old twins and in the day we mainly play in open plan living room/kitchen, which makes it easier for me to get on with basic tasks while still overseeing them. I do pop out of the room to vacuum hallway or get clothes from upstairs but wouldn't do proper housework leaving them alone, yet.

[NapQueen]

Totally fine!

Dc2 (ds) is great at entertaining himself and we all live in a flat too so after the school run I set him up with a toy (triangle track or little figurines etc) play with him for about 5 mins on top then I go and get started on jobs. He plays in the living room which is the centre of the flat so I'm always walking through it.

If I decide to go and have a BIG sort of the bedroom I take him in with me and he either plays with the box of toys we keep in there or he sits at the window and watches all the cars and trucks etc drive by.

He will be 2 end of this month but we've done this for ages

[Elbekind]

A few hours a day of children entertaining themselves is brilliant for them!
Ideally, you would maybe do 45 mins 3 times a day rather than a whole few hours at once, but that is your choice and I don't think it will do them harm.
When they reach school age you will always be able to tell which children have been constantly entertained and never left alone and it just makes for a child who doesn't know how to entertain themselves, be on their own, use their own imagination, or even think creatively about things without adult assistance.
I'm a childminder and I recently was reflecting on a child who is with me 9 hours a day, 5 days a week. It dawned on me that I give her very little child-led play and I think I have spent too much time recently doing activities with her, taking her out, singing and reading stories when although all those things are great, it seems the more I do them the less and less time she can entertain herself- even the 90 seconds it took me to nip into the kitchen and get her food out of the microwave! I've made a conscious effort the past few days to give her 30 mins in the morning after we take the dog for a walk to play in the playroom by herself. The first day she was calling me every minute or so, the second day it was every 3 or so minutes and today I came in to check on her after 10 mins and she was happily absorbed in a jigsaw.

[Butterpuff]

EvansandthePrince yesterday mine burnt the dinner by helping me turn up the oven when I wasn't looking. She loves switching off the washing machine and yesterday in the time it took me to have a cheeky private wee she had climbed onto the dining room table and eaten half of DHs apple turnover. I didn't even know she could climb on a chair!

[CommaStop]

Can you come round mine and teach this amazing self-entertainment skill to my 21 month old? I mean I know it's probably my own fault and I tend to cope a lot by getting out of the house so she probably doesn't have time to become used to doing what yours do. When I try to do dishwasher/laundry etc she's pretty convinced she should be an active participant which is lovely but not hugely productive! Maybe when bean2 arrives and gets to interactive stage they'll entertain each other!