to think DH should be able to keep vauge track of what our kids do?

[seminakedinsomebodyelsesroom]

Ok, first off, I know this isn't up there with the worst things that could happen, but...

Today DH and I are both working from home. On Tuesdays DC are collected from school/looked after by DM - as has been the case for about 3 years. They finish school at 2:55 and 3:05. At 3:15 DH asks me if I'm ok to pick up the kids today.

Admittedly youngest DC has just started school and I've recently slightly changed my working pattern, so there are some new routines to get used to, but still AIBU to find this apparent lack of awareness quite annoying?

[CalmYaTits]

I hope your feeling better and back to school tomorrow Jessica xxxxx

[TeenAndTween]

Bertrand
Sort of. DH tends to do all the 'one off' and irregular stuff (e.g. he spent ages finding a car for DD1 to learn to drive in), but he absolutely does his fair share. But one of my 'jobs' is remembering stuff relating to the children.

[drspouse]

we have a shared calendar which we run our lives to and rather than check this on his phone, he'll ask me what time their swimming lessons are (for example).

THIS. I love DH and he is very flexible and responsible but he has a very lazy selective memory.

It's very pleasant for men people to be able to compartmentalise. But not possible for some people in some circumstances i.e. most mums who have to remember that today is the day they are working a half day to take the DC to a hospital appointment.

[seminakedinsomebodyelsesroom]

Oh I've attracted a minor loon! My first one

DH and I share 'remembering'. He remembers car servicing, garden waste week and stuff like that. I remember the children's routines. It is a waste of energy for us both to remember everything.

I kind of get this I suppose. And yes he does 'remember' or is responsible for certain elements that I would be more likely to forget. But DC stuff is every day stuff isn't it so the need to remember is greater, if that makes sense. I work from home part time so DC stuff does fall to me more.

Anyway - I was venting really, I can see it from both sides I really can. He's a pretty good bloke to be fair.

[Chestersidiot]

DH isn't great at this, but he knows it and therefore makes an electronic note of EVERYTHING. Would drive me nuts (I use the handy device I carry round in my head) but it works for him.

[seminakedinsomebodyelsesroom]

We do have a shared calendar but I don't put on the very very regular stuff like DM picking up on Tuesdays as it's completely ingrained in our routine to me anyway

[DudeWheresMyVulva]

I'm liking the sound of a shared electronic diary.

We have a week by week paper one. Thing is it does not have dates on it, just Monday-Sunday. I love it because I just rip out the page at the end of each week. DH hates it because it does not have dates on it. I might send him out to buy something he is happy with, as we both more or less work from home (he does 1 week away every month) and I pretty much do all the day to day stuff including bins and green waste.

[janinlondon]

DH cant remember what A levels DD is doing. It really never gets any better...........

[MammouthTask]

I get it OP. Your DH is so out of touch of the organisation that everything would collapse wo you.
And it does smack of 'this is not my problem' type of attitude.

I don't have an answer TBH bar ensuring he is as involved as possible in anything child related.
I found it did get better the more DH was involved in looking after the dcs, taking them to activities etc...

I agree about the 'I'm in charge of xx, you're in charge of YY' but I do have an issue when it comes down to the dcs. What if I'm away for work, I'll in hospital etc... How would DH be able to cope then?
Not the same than dog the service of the car or cutting the lawn which either can wait or you can do yourself.

Having said that, I've just changed my days too. It has been two months now and DH is still surprised I'm not working tuesdays....

[MammouthTask]

YY about a shared calendar (when people remember to put things on it. DH forgot and to costed us a couple of hundred pounds having both booked something on the same night!)

But yes it doesn't include normal day to day stuff.

We do have a list though with what kind of activities each child does which day (at what time)

[FeliciaJollygoodfellow]

How come as a working parent I can remember when my kids start and finish school even though one of them has only just started but husbands get a free pass?

Is it my uterus? Is that where I store remembering basic information about my own kids?

[AmeliaJack]

I happy to see that MN towers are on the ball with reports this evening.

Semi it sounds like it's routine you you but not for him. Stick it in the shared calendar and he never has to ask again.

[shouldwestayorshouldwego]

This drives me mad too. Dh works a condensed week so has one day off a week, the same day every week. That day has one pick up and one club. I work at home everyday. His day off is supposed to be to help me with school run so I can do a long day. Every week he has to be reminded when to pick them up from school and what time the one club is. His brain would explode on the day that they have 7 clubs between them although to be fair I am fairly close to it, but it all works .

[houseymchousewife]

Maybe Jessica has actually burnt out now

[Nakatomi]

Oh that's nothing. My DP can't even remember our address properly. 10 years we've lived here. I always put it down to him being away most of the year on deployments but he can remember the registration plates of every car he's had since he was 17, so maybe he just prioritises things badly!

[ToastieRoastie]

I put the everyday stuff a on shared calendar. If your DH has trouble remembering, then why not add to the calendar so everything is there? Then you can refer to it every time he asks you what's going on

I didn't used to have everyday stuff on the calendar when exDH and I were together. And got frustrated when he couldn't remember.

We still share a calendar and now it has the everyday childcare stuff, so if one of us gets stuck and needs the other to collect kids, we both know where DC are and when to collect.

[HelenaJustina]

My DH can't won't retain child related stuff. Drives me a bit mad, but I work part-time around them and he doesn't. It's part of my everyday but not his, I'm working on not letting it get to me!

I keep a big calendar in the kitchen but he seems to find it much easier to ask me where/when everything is!

[BertrandRussell]

"Is it my uterus? Is that where I store remembering basic information about my own kids?"

I think that must be it. And men can't do housework because their penises get in the way........

For fuck's sake, people, stop enabling this crap!!!!!

[Stillwishihadabs]

Oh God I feel your pain, I really do. I upped my hours to ft 18 months ago and dh still can't keep hold of the docs schedules (they are 10 &12) so he has had plenty of practice !

[Witchend]

Dh doesn't remember any of the kids things I usually do.
I don't know the timings of his governor meetings /work meetings and the kids things he does.
Works fine

[minipie]

Bertrand if you have any tips on how to get DH to remember and take responsibility for more domestic stuff I'm all ears. I am well aware of how shit it is. But every time I put something on his to do list it ... does... not... happen (and that is WITH me reminding him a million times).