Should I invite her or not?

[Foxysoxy01]

Sorry this is long as I need to explain the backstory.

So I am planning my wedding for next year.

I am thinking about invites and numbers and am not quite sure what to do about inviting a certain friend.

We have known each other for a really long time and saw each other fairly regularly until a few years ago where we both moved and sort of drifted apart.
She has always been a bit of a user and only really hung out with me if her other friends were busy or she had fallen out with them. It was not uncommon to not hear from her for 6 months then get a text or message on Facebook saying we hadn't seen each other for ages and needed a catch up and when should we meet. (Normally after I had posted a picture or been tagged in a pic)
This was fine and I met her if I wasn't busy but didn't push the relationship at all and left it up to her to make the first move.

Well she got pregnant (single parent) and I sent her congrats messages and if she needed anyone at scans etc I would help and she text saying thanks but that was pretty much it.

She had baby and put loads of stuff on Facebook and got new mummy friends and didn't speak to me for ages, she put all about her child's christening and didn't invite me.

She seems to not be quite so close to mummy friends anymore which might be worth bearing in mind.

I announced my engagement on FB and she got in touch immediately wanted to know all about it and wanted to get involved I texted back a bit but tried to be fairly aloof as felt a bit pissed off that she wants an invite and be involved in my wedding but didn't invite me to her sons christening.

Would I be really petty and mean to not invite her? It's not a massive wedding and inviting her wouldn't really matter budget wise but I just feel a bit upset she didn't want to know me when she had all her mummy friends and didn't invite me to her sons christening, but then I didn't send a card only sent a message.

I would probably drop the friendship as we don't really talk unless she is reminded of my existence but as more stuff goes on Facebook she is more likely to get back in touch and I don't know what to say.

[whirlwinds]

IMissGrannyW I agree here, think she might value your relationship more then you think but what do we know 🙂 Your wedding, but evening do is maybe something to consider?

[IMissGrannyW]

I think it's your wedding, and so you get to choose who you invite. And PPs are right about who you will see in your pictures afterwards, and think the suggestions to invite her to evening only are sensible.

But I would just say, in your OP you mention the Christening 3 times. So it's obviously a big thing for you that you weren't invited. I'm saying this as an atheist, so NOT being invited to a church-y thing is a plus for me, but I appreciate you might see it different, especially if you're a church-goer.
If you're thinking of not inviting her out of spite because she didn't invite you and that hurt your feelings, I'd say that's not terribly Christian.
If you don't want to invite her because you don't really want her there, then I'd say you're right in that case not to.

You called her a user in your OP, but then went on to say when you offered her help at a point when most of us are crying out for it, she said no and managed without you. You also say she makes all the running and you don't.
So to me, from the information you've given, she's not a user and she doesn't want the friendship to slide.

But I repeat my first comment - it's your wedding, if you don't want her there then don't invite her.

I've RTF, and seen your updates. I feel more sorry for her than you from the information you've posted. But I'm a random stranger on the internet and interpreting what info you've given as I see fit, so please do ignore me and listen to the more supportive posters, who are in the majority on this thread.

Whatever you do, I hope your wedding is fab. But I do feel quite sorry for your friend, given what you've posted.

[Foxysoxy01]

I have been quite unwell recently and she knows nothing about this.

I wouldn't have been able to meet her and she wouldn't of continued to text me if she had known I couldn't go out with her or do any fun things.

When I say I have left it to her, I mean that I have left the arranging a date and time to her, so for example she will see me post a picture then text me with it's been ages we should meet up an I will say that's great would love to I'm easy when and where would you like to meet and she will just tail off until the next time she texts and it's just round and round.

I have left her comments about her gorgeous baby etc and if she has her mummy friends commenting she will ignore me but if nobody else is replying she will like my comments.

You could always tell if she had fallen out with people or her other friends were busy as that was when I would get a text.

If I'm honest we never really had that much in common and she was pretty bossy and always knew better than anyone else, she has always had quite a strong personality.

I suppose I just feel like she is probably one of my longer friends and all that history, it's a bit sad to just let it fizzle out.
I do still feel a bit hurt as well.

[MissMoo22]

Invite to evening do, that way you've invited but making it clear you don't think of her as close.

[FeelTheNoise]

How old is her baby?

[Enidblyton1]

I agree with Ruthie

[Ruthiesj]

Hmmm. It sounds like you've allowed this friendship to fizzle out while she has attempted to maintain it.

You mention that you congratulated her on her pregnancy and offered to attend appointments with her and she thanked you for congratulations. You don't mention whether you made any effort to visit after the arrival of her baby? I can imagine invitations to a christening outside of family and god parents being decided on who had shown interest in the little person.

It's your wedding so you're free to invite whomever you wish, but her reaching out to you every now and again after seeing FB activity is a normal thing for friends to do if busy lives have prevented them from seeing each other for a while. You seem to take this as a slight. I obviously don't know the full back story, but from the info in your OP, you don't come across as a particularly good friend to this girl.

[Foxysoxy01]

Yeah you are all right, I'm not going to defriend her, but I will stop her seeing my posts and just let the friendship drop.
It's really silly but I feel a bit sad that it's the end of a chapter but not really very sad about not speaking or seeing her again so i think that sort of says it all really.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Don't invite her, you have loads of reasons not to, drop the friendship.

[SandyY2K]

I think you've both grown apart and not having her as a friend or in your life won't make a difference.

Delete her from FB and have her out of your life altogether.

[Hippee]

If you don't want her to see all your wedding posts on Facebook you can make her an acquaintance and exclude acquaintances from certain posts. Or just defriend her, if you think the friendship has run its course.

[TaterTots]

People can go on all they like about what sort of events christenings are 'meant' to be. The fact is the OP knows lots of other friends were invited when she wasn't.

[Griphook]

Christening aren't massive huge events, it's meant to be family, and god parents and welcoming the child to the church, not a big event

[Gazelda]

I agree with Jiz and Origami. She seems to have made no less effort to sustain the friendship than you have. But that's OK, friendships ebb and flow and sometimes fizzle out.

And yes, christenings are generally small events for closest family. But it must sting to have seen other friends at the celebration.

The only reason you've come up with for inviting her is 'because i think you should'. That's not really a good enough reason for an invite, is it?

[Foxysoxy01]

Yeah you're right I have left it to her to do the running but only because she doesn't actually want to know me when she has her other friends.

The thing is she seems to use people, they get annoyed and drop her then she texts me. She becomes friends with people and spends days with them, you literally can't get rid of her and she then moves onto the next friend when the others have got fed up.

It's also only when she thinks someone else might offer her something more interesting to do.

Just writing this all down makes me realise that I don't actually like her very much and when she did want to spend time with me I always felt I wasn't interesting enough and that if I didn't make it fun she would drop me.

God I have no self esteem!

[ThoraGruntwhistle]

Very much a fair weather friend. I'd treat her like she has treated you - fine to talk to or hang around with if there's nobody else available, but don't make too much effort. She's set the agenda, so go with it.

[SandyY2K]

Christenings aren't usually as big an event in the UK. However you really don't seem to want her there.

[cees]

She's all over you when she wants something and ditches you when she doesn't. Why on earth would you even consider giving her an invite, unfriend and let go of her she is baggage, who wants in on the party and that's all.

[SuperFlyHigh]

What optiona says is a very good point, eg both spend time with people you're more compatible with.

I had a close friend who really was a "fun friend", great for going out, getting dressed up and shopping. We went on holiday together and I was there for her (she reached out for me) when she'd had her baby. But we never had much in common apart from going out etc. so when the shit hit the fan in our friendship she thought I wouldn't care etc, would take loads of crap etc. I should have let the friendship slide ages before we fell out.

This is the case with you and your friend only there's no major argument like i had. So don't invite her and just disengage. Simples.

[SuperFlyHigh]

I agree with origami she's done the running, she didn't have to congratulate you on your engagement or be excited about your wedding.

But as origami and others have said you don't like her so don't invite.

Don't make out you've been an excellent friend to her. It's not easy being a single mum either, you can feel very isolated.

[0pti0na1]

Whatever the rights and wrongs, it sounds as if you don't like her that much, so not a great basis for continuing the friendship. Just let it fade away and you can both spend time with people you're more compatible with.

[origamiwarrior]

It was not uncommon to not hear from her for 6 months then get a text or message on Facebook saying we hadn't seen each other for ages and needed a catch up and when should we meet

This was fine and I met her if I wasn't busy but didn't push the relationship at all and left it up to her to make the first move

Er, it sounds to me like she is trying to be a good friend - you've said above she is always the one who makes all the moves to keep your relationship going!

Anyway, you obviously don't like her so don't invite her!

[PaulDacreCuntyMcCuntFace]

Lovey, she's not a friend.

You don't speak to her. You don't see her. You don't really know anything about her life nowadays apart from what she puts on FB - and vice versa.

The only reason you're hesitating about NOT inviting her to your wedding, is because you'll feel guilty!

Don't invite her - and if she gets in touch wanting to know why, then explain that you don't see much of each other these days, that she didn't invite you to her son's christening so you didn't feel that you were very close these days. Then leave it at that. You don't need to feel bad and you don't need to worry about her - some friendships eke out and sometimes you outgrow people.

[maddiemookins16mum]

I wouldn't, deep down I don't think you like her that much to be honest. You're different people now and that's ok.

[ohtheholidays]

Don't invite her!

Your wedding day is very special and it should be shared with people you love and who love you/your DP.

My Mum insisted I invited some people to my wedding and she regretted it straight after the wedding(they were arseholes)and I should have said No.

Do you really want to look back at your lovely wedding photos in years to come and there's someone in those pictures that you no longer have contact with and wished you hadn't invited?