AIBU about DS's inability to concentrate?

[footballmum]

DS2 will be 10 in two weeks. Just started Year 5. We're two weeks into the new school year and he has lost his trainers, two school coats, two jumpers and a lunch bag. This isn't a new thing. He seems totally unable to focus on what he needs to do or his surroundings. When walking to school he skips along in a world of his own, completely unaware of roads or the people walking in front of him. His teachers report the same thing. He's a bright boy but is always distracted or goes off on a tangent.

I am so frustrated with him this morning he's had a massive bollocking and I'm on the verge of tears (and so is he). I know this isn't the answer but I swear my head is going to explode!!

In the interests of full disclosure, he is a complete tech addict. He's always on his iPad or PS4. We do limit his tech time to two hours a school night but outside that we don't really restrict it. I'm beginning to wonder whether this is part of the problem but it doesn't explain why he's like it at school?

Does anyone have children like this and if so are there any techniques you've found have worked? Will he just outgrow it because at the moment I cannot see how I can trust him to walk to school on his own!!

[RubbleBubble00]

Dont be afraid of meds. I stalled for a year before starting eldest dc ad best thing I could have done for him. He's done to top of all groups in his primary class and is starting to really shine. We always knew he was bright but not how much potential he had until the meds allowed him to be able to focus.

Dietary is a struggle, as mine is rake thin too but you adjust. High calorie breakfast before tablet then a nice high calorie dinner around 6.30pm once meds have worn off. We use a lower dosee sat and non on Sunday and he scoffs through the weekend

[wasonthelist]

I am 54 and I have always been like this. My DD and one of my neices are the same.

[BatSegundo]

Where there are very good reasons for seeking a diagnosis for some children, if the issues are not severe, it's also fine not to. There are lots of children (and adults) who have dyspraxia tendencies or poor attention. They have never sought a diagnosis or didn't quite fulfill the criteria. Diagnosis or not, their needs are the same and that is what to focus on. So it can be helpful to try strategies for ADHD or dyspraxia if they relate to your child without getting hung up on whether they or one or the other.

On a more practical note, you could look into mindfulness. There is emerging evidence that it helps with inattention and there's lots out there for kids.

[steppemum]

there was a thread last week about a ds starting year 7, just like your ds, and lots of responses suggesting ADHD, dysprxia etc.
I don't think that we recognise that an inability to focus and being disorganised or possessions can in themselves be symptons.

Can you get a check list? One that he checks before he leaves school (jumper, lunch box etc) and similar for mornings.
He needs strategies to help him get cope with his disorganisation. I would also be working hard on these before secondary, as the step up in organisation is huge.

[bumsexatthebingo]

I would severely cut down the screen time for a while and see if that has an effect before considering anything else. Extended use of screens is is known to have an adverse effect on concentration.

[footballmum]

Lots of great advice, thank you. We've decided he needs to go cold turkey on the tech. I've been out today and bought him a couple of those very detailed colouring books and a word search book (which he loves) so hopefully those will help distract him. I said to DH I don't want him to feel like he's being punished but I think he's going to feel that way . Waiting for a call from the school.

[imnotreally]

Cutting down screen time will help for sure. Well done op

[footballmum]

Update - have spoken to SENCO at school who has agreed there are markers for ADD and dyspraxia and has recommended we see GP. Appointment has been made for next Tuesday. I'm feeling really emotional about it all but can't work out whether it's sadness or relief?

[Wildberryprincess]

Give yourself some time to digest everything. I knew something was upfront long time before diagnosis and it still hit me for six. It is something you come to terms with with time.
I'm not so rigid about screens any more! As long as there are other activities, a child with adhd etc. will often have a greater need for decompression time as everything else in their lives feels so much more hectic to them than for a nt child. If your son has other interests, friends etc you are doing something right, so go easy on yourself and him while you adjust to your new normal.

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

I'm surprised that despite teachers noticing this, you had to get the ball rolling with senco, surely they should have done this and sooner? I recognise similar in my DS, we're further along the line in the process than yourselves, I worry about him in the future too, he's sweet to the point of naive which makes me worried secondary school is going to be tough for him.

[footballmum]

I think the reason it hasn't been noticed is that his school do irresistible learning and he's been really engaged with all of his topics. So of course when he's really interested in what he's doing he's more focused. His teachers have always mentioned his concentration levels but I think they thought it was an age thing and he'd outgrow it.

[MrsC09]

OP my 7yo son was recently diagnosed with ADHD. He is a very sweet boy who doesn't have any of the behavioural problems typical to ADHD but is a dreamer and a fidgeter.

You asked about dietary changes. We've had him on a gluten free diet for around 6 months and it has made a huge difference to his ability to concentrate. Now that he has been diagnosed we might still consider drugs to help him through school as he's really struggling there, but we are waiting a bit longer to see. If you google gluten free ADHD there are loads of articles on how gluten can cause ADHD type symptoms in some people.

[ShastaBeast]

DD1 is in the process of being diagnosed with ADHD, but what's all the talk of aggression and behaviour problems. Aggression doesn't appear to be a marker and DD ticks all the boxes. She actually wants to be good and do well but struggles to focus and sit still and quietly. We suspect my DH has it too and he's never been aggressive either. He's done well and found his area of focus so has a good career. ADHD doesn't have to be a massive problem and the association with aggressive or bad kids is a media invention. There are loads of ways to manage it which you would be supported to do during or after diagnosis. And if he's got to age 10 without the teachers raising concerns he must be managing quite well without intervention. I suspect the hyperactive element is more noticeable so many ADD kids go unnoticed.

[BannedFromNarnia]

Left handed people are NOT more clumsy than right handed people. It's an assumption made because the world is set up the wrong way around for them.

It's perfectly possible to be clumsy and left handed but that's not the cause of it - definitely check out the other suggestions made here. A sympton of dyspraxia for instance can be poor hand dominance so if he's doing a lot with his right hand as well as being lefthanded that might also be a clue (I guess you might call this ambidextrous but I think another dyspraxia symptom is being not very dextrous at all!).

[rogergowdy]

Hello, just wanted to share this little video about a report on Screen Time from Children in Northern Ireland - I think it raises some really interesting points. You can watch here: youtu.be/rhI_F3X2Oa0

[NonExecutiveFunctioning]

Oh wow. You're describing my DS to a T. Sweet boy without competitive bone in his body. Was precocious at little age, reading fluently when he was 2. Now he's "average" in school. Can't be too bothered, too chatty in class and 'with fairies' unless it's subject that interests him (then he'd read everything on the subject and correct teacher).

I am his mum and just had my first Adult ADHD appointment (not diagnosed yet). I can see a lot of myself in him and already wondering if something can be done. It's not manifesting in extreme way but seriously concerned about wasting so much potential. My other kids are different.

[Badgersmummy25]

Have you also considered that he may have a sensory processing issue - if you look up the symptoms you may find something that fits. I know at my son's school quite a few boys have it and go to weekly Occupation Therapy to fix the issue. One.of the big pointers to it is the ability to not be able to concentrate as their body is so busy trying to focus on actually doing what for most people comes naturally. Good luck x

[Londonmummy66]

I have a dc who wasn't diagnosed with dyspraxia untilage15 so you are doing the right thing by looking at this now. Dyspraxic children often have very spiky profiles with a number of traits from a range of other learning disabilities. MyDC is like yours very sweet but often away with the fairies, bright - a very early reader, has a concentration span that is sometimes obsessive and at other times would embarrass a gnat, has a number of sensory issues and has nearly bankrupted us with all the lost items over the years... Have a look on the Dyspraxia Association website and at some of the podcasts by Professor Kirby. Good your SENCO is switched on about dyspraxia - we've had 3 in a row that seem to be oblivious to the fact it affects processing as well as co-ordination.

Good luck

[Lovewineandchocs]

OP are you me?! This sounds exactly like my DS! We have had meetings with the school about it and have been asked to take him to the doctor for a possible ADHD diagnosis and referral. The doctor said he does not have this, in his opinion. He goes to the SENCO for Maths support and they are supposed to be getting an Ed psych to assess him. He’s been tested for dyscalculia re the maths but no indicators are present. I’m thinking dyspraxia too but will see what the Ed psych says. This isn’t something the school has ever suggested. Good luck!