Is she accusing my daughter

[fizzingmum]

Back story, DD9 has been attending a local
Gymnastics class. The teacher very quickly
Singled her out as being quite talented. She suggested that she could train to competition standard. However this is not available locally. The teacher travels to a city about 45 mins away every Sunday and teaches there for 6 hours. The teacher takes another local girl and offered to take DD9 also. I have other children so couldn't commit myself to take her and this arrangement was fine and working. We drop her around 9am at the teachers house with a packed lunch and pick her up around 5pm. Whenever I have dropped her off/picked her up there has been a group of kids knocking around her house. Around 12-14 years old and being borderline anti-social. Fighting with each other and kicking doors, for sale signs etc. I wait in my car with the doors locked for my Daughter to arrive back. This is relevant.
Yesterday they arrived back a little early and EXP was picking her up. When he arrived they were waiting outside. This morning I have had a text from gymnastics teacher:
"Hi Fizzing. I'm very sorry for this text. My husband couldn't find his wallet from yesterday. He knew definitely where he left. I don't think anything bad, but I would like just ask you. Maybe when "DD" left my house it was accidentally dropped down into her backpack ? Could you have a look please. Sorry for this again...xx"
I'm furious and don't know if IABU? It sounds like an accusation yet I am sure she feels awkward asking. My daughter would never take anything. It is more likely
One of the anti social kids that are at her house daily. I have said I will look in my answer to her, but don't know what to do next. DD loves going and I know if I ask her anything about it, she would be put off going and give up gymnastics. But it's is also very awkward now. EXP has checked anyway and confirmed its not there. I haven't text her back yet other than to say I will look. Should I wait until the end of the day and hope that it turns up and she lets me know? Any advice on how to handle this? I am too upset to see the situation clearly. AIBU to be upset or did she have to ask? Thanks in advance

[fizzingmum]

I missed the medals thread!

[FluffyWuffyFuckYou]

You know the wallet is probably with the medals you posted about the other day.

[GoldFishFingerz]

She clearly meant no offence and was just trying to locate the thing

[DeathStare]

Somebody posted on here a few months ago when something had gone missing from their home after a group of teenagers had been there with her DD. The poster was pretty sure she knew which one had taken the item but had no evidence and was worried about the response if she spoke to the parents.

The advice was split between

1. Just speak to the parents of the suspected teenager; and
   
2. Speak to the parents of everyone there asking them all to check in case it was taken by mistake - thus saving a conflict with the suspected teenager's parents.
   

OP I think in your case they chose option 2 and that you were one of the people who got asked to check so that they could tell the other parents that everybody had been asked.

[Lunchboxlewiswillyoumarryme]

That's not accusing ...one of the other kids could be messing and put in her bag...have a look and reply no sorry ,not there.fingers crossed you find it soon.dont stress.

[justilou]

How about replying that you'd checked and it wasn't there, but your exh mentioned seeing a heap of antisocial teenagers hanging around her place (maybe mention the behaviour) and perhaps they should be asking them.

[StillNoInspiration]

Is this like the medals thread? Please don't say another mum received the same text.

[PirateFairy45]

She's only asking, it's perfectly reasonable.

I was looking after someone's kid and my keys went missing. I text the kids grandma to ask if it was in the kids bag by accident. Didn't mean anything by it, was just pissed at myself because I couldn't find my keys!

[allsfairinlove]

Good outcome OP. thanks for the update

[fizzingmum]

I received a text late this afternoon. The wallet turned up in his car.

[teatowel]

Maybe she thinks your daughter sells cards and driving licences on the black market as so many 9year olds do!

[DiegeticMuch]

It wasn't an accusation. She was covering all bases. It'll probably turn up in the freezer or something lol.

I'm also sure that your daughter is getting lots out of the Sunday training. Congrats to her! Her dedication is commendable. Ignore any snide comments.

[fizzingmum]

That's what I thought too. She was giving her an out. Thing is her backpack will not have been opened in the house. I assume she did go in when they first arrived back or she wouldn't be asking. But the backpack contains only packed lunch so there would have been no need to open her bag and definitely no opportunity for it t accidentally fall in to it. That's why I felt it was an accusation.
As for The comment about 9-5 every week, it is completely Her choice. If she doesn't want to go one week then she doesn't. However I doubt Olympic medals are won without a little dedication

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

Well, yes, she wasn't really asking if it had fallen into the bag. That doesn't happen. She wanted to know if your DD had taken it but couldn't outright ask that. but I would assume she had asked the others as well. Had your DD even been in the house? Seems odd that they were waiting outside and I would wonder why, it makes it less likely it was even her that took it.

[bumsexatthebingo]

*steal even!

[bumsexatthebingo]

Hmm I've never had someones wallet accidentally fall into any of my bags...I think she was asking if your dd had taken it and giving her an 'out' to return it. I'm sure she asked the other people who were there as well. You might know your dd wouldn't steel but she doesn't know your dd as well as you.

[GnomeDePlume]

It is very easy for small objects to get swept up when picking up a stack of things together. Slim objects slip between layers, awkward objects like keys get snagged (and then, despite normally jangling away, go silent).

Sounded like a perfectly friendly text from someone who is getting progressively more desperate.

[QueenLizIII]

A 9-5 day on a Sunday including a 45 commute each way to another city for a 9 year old? After being at school all week? Misses point.

My BILs keys went missing after I stayed there for Christmas. He asked me to check all pockets, bags, etc. I thought daft twat, how could I have your keys. When I pulled something out of a bag containing christmas gifts that had been lying in his hall, the keys were in there. Who knows how they got in there/

[Yorkieheaven]

Na she's just covering all her bases. She's doing you a massive favour taking your dd.

As for the boys when you have younger kids all teenagers in groups look anti social. Your kids will too as teenagers when they are hanging with their mates.

[GoldFishFingerz]

Also he may have lost it earlier - lunchtime or the previous day.

[Cherylene]

It sounds like she has really gone out of her way to make the text sound like she is not accusing your DD, so she is very aware of what she is saying and there must be some backstory.

You do not sound entirely comfortable with the arrangement, though. Maybe time for a rethink? Could XP help with ferrying?

[GoldFishFingerz]

You can just mention to your DD that he has lost his wallet and did she happen to see where he put it

[GoldFishFingerz]

It's perfectly fine for her to ask. I expect she will have asked others also.

[fizzingmum]

Daisy. The kids are her son and local neighbourhood kids. There is only one other girl that travels with them and she wasn't there when EXP arrived to pick up DD. DD was waiting outside with the teacher, don't know if the kids were there yesterday as I wasn't there. But they have been every other time I have been.