To name my DD1 myself?

[bumbleclat]

I have just lost my dear mum to cancer 4 weeks ago and during one of the many long drives to the hospital to see her, a very random lovely name came to me (incidentally nothing resembling my mum's name) it is quite different but, because I'm a teacher I need something that I don't associate with the little darlings in my class.

DH already has a DD, him and his ex had such a long stand off over names that DSD didn't have a name for the first 3 weeks of her life.

The middle part of the name I want, is my sister's name and the forename is something very lovely but different.

I feel a bit selfish trying to get my own way on this one but I just absolutely adore the name and now feel that I couldn't be happy with anything else.

DH hasn't really kicked up a fuss about it and is certainly accepting of the first name I've chosen but it feels a bit unlike the usual dynamic of our RL where we compromise and are fair.

But (my side) I'm the one carrying her for 9 months, hindering my career prospects, going through labour and birth and he already has a DD, whereas this is my first.

I just want to be able to call my daughter what I want but really don't know if Im being unreasonable, please help me out!

Thank you.

[MissDuke]

I am sorry to hear about your mum

But (my side) I'm the one carrying her for 9 months, hindering my career prospects, going through labour and birth and he already has a DD, whereas this is my first

The above is not a reason to get to choose the name but I am sure you know that Just be careful - my dh chose our son's name against what I wanted and it still hurts me to this day, double check with your dh that he is going to be ok with this. If he is then do it It does sound like you are in agreement.

[Booboostwo]

Well done OP!

ComputerUser I read the fucking thread which you do not seem to have done.

[Inertia]

Well that all sounds like a very reasonable ending for AIBU

I was just coming on to ask whether the baby would have his last name - people often take that for granted, but it is a significant consideration.

[Careforadrink]

Yanbu

Personally I think that if there a disagreements over a name the woman should get the casting vote. Call it a perk of having done all the work and taken all the risks if you will.

Especially if the baby is to have his surname.

[ConvincingLiar]

Hurrah! (Now let's hope your baby matches your name!)

[bumbleclat]

Thank you so much everyone.
I spoke to DH and apologised for being a dick unreasonable about the name thing, he and I agreed on a middle name that we both like and now we have a name.
Simple :)
Thanks again.

[CodyKing]

My DN wanted to share her middle name with my DD - which went well!!

Can you name her

Joint name - your middle name - his middle name - his surname?

She'll only be called the first name anyway - and they do r use them really

[AtSea1979]

YANBU explain to DH that you are using his family name and you want something connected to your family, your sisters name, and you both agreed on the first name together.

[ComputerUserNotTrained]

How the fuck did you divine that from the op, Boob?

[Booboostwo]

You brought up you DSD and her contribution, no need to be huffy about unsolicited advice! You don't sound like you like DSD very much. You might need to reconsider your relationship with DSD now that you are tying yourself even closer with her through her step sister.

[MyWineTime]

Her firstname is all sorted so that is great. He is happy to go with your choice.
Her middle name, it sounds like you are giving more thought to your sister than your DH. Her name will be connected to her auntie but not her dad. I don't think that is fair.
I don't think he should get to choose the middle name if it's something you don't like, but I do think that you should agree the name together. It doesn't matter whose idea it is, as long as you both agree with it.

The fact that he already has a child is completely irrelevant. This baby is joint between both of you. You are carrying and giving birth because he can't! That doesn't give you more rights to name her.

[contrary13]

I'm sorry for your loss, OP

I named my DD because my ex actually said that as I was the one effectively growing her, and the one who had to go through labour and childbirth, I ought to. When our DS was born, I did suggest that my ex name him, but the only name he could come up with was 'Rolf' (yes, after Harris... ex is a huge fan of his music!) - which I absolutely detest the sound of. And, in hindsight, I'm glad that I put my foot down. In the end, we drew up a long list of names which we either both liked, or I liked, or he liked... and gave it to DD, who was 8 at the time, to pick one. So, theoretically, DD named DS - but she chose one of "my" names, so I also named DS, in a roundabout way

Doing it that way made DD feel especially involved with her little brother before he was even born - which as she was adamant that she was quite happy to remain an only child, cosseted and adored by all, alone... was important to us. And, at that point, she didn't have younger half-siblings to contend with... which your DSD now does. When my ex's DW gave birth to their youngest, they encouraged DS (who was 5 or 6 at the time) to help name their new baby - and he elected to call him after my uncle, who had just died (and whom he was very close to), who was in turn called after my grandfather. So, my DC's half-brother bears the name of my late grandfather and uncle (and DB2, and one of my cousins)... because ex's DW is a lovely woman who knew that it would make DS happy to be involved in that way (and she agrees with me that ex has rubbish taste in names when under pressure to help choose one !).

[Whatsername17]

Oh and with middle names, I'd have two - your sisters name and his dd's choice. I think it would be a lovely tribute.

[Whatsername17]

I'm currently pregnant. With our first dd we had a bit of a battle to agree on names we liked and eventually settled on two. We ended up with me saying, minutes after giving birth, she doesn't look like and 'x' she looks like a 'y'. So 'y' it was. This time, we found out we are having another girl. Our dd wanted to know - we didn't find out last time. I asked dh if he was disappointed baby isn't a boy. He said no, not at all because now I can put the name xxxx on the table because I really love it. The name he loves wasn't anything I'd considered but, as the weeks have gone on, I just can't get past it. I really like it. Like you, it feels weird that we haven't compromised or argued and it goes against our usual dynamic. But, I'm in no way 'giving in' to dh. He thought of the name and I love it. Perhaps your dh feels the same as me? It's just the right name, no need for the tricky negotiations?

[trufflepiggy]

I think YA slightly U

Sorry about your mum

I'm a bit worried you don't really see this child as your DHs? You call her "my DD" not "our DD" in your thread title

[ComputerUserNotTrained]

Oh, and "fair" doesn't always mean 50:50 in every choice. Your dp could choose your favourite name too, because it means so much to you and because it makes him happy for you to be happy, without feeling compromised iykwim. If he's cool with that, where's the problem?

[ComputerUserNotTrained]

If he felt strongly about one name or another then possibly you'd be being unfair, but he doesn't. Besides, she's taking her dad's surname!

And actually, the connection with your mum trumps pretty much anything. You could squeeze your baby's sister's choice in maybe, if it works with the other two.

[AWishAndADream]

*Dad should be DD

[AWishAndADream]

YAB a bit U but understandably so. Dad was both mine and DHs first so i didn't feel the same as you. But we agreed to choose one name each and we'd decide the order when she was born. In the end his name became the first name and mine the middle but it works and suits pur DD.

What I'm trying to say is can you compromise? Would you be willing to let DH choose the middle name say if you really want to use your chosen first name?

[Eatthecake]

Him already having a DD makes no diffrence, this is his DD too isn't it so he should get a say in the name

[elvesareneverhappy]

I think YANBU. With DD1, my DH and I agreed on 2 names and that I could choose when she was born. I happened to choose the name he preferred but that wasn't intentional. It just seemed to suit her better. He chose one middle name and I insisted my maiden name be the other middle name. She has his surname.

If he has agreed then I don't see what the problem is.

[Sparklesilverglitter]

Sorry to hear about your Mum 💐

With the name I don't think your DH already having a DD is relevant tbh that makes this baby no less special to him, he is the dad. As long as she like the name you wish you to call your DD than its fine.

Would 2 middle names work, so first name you've both agreed on then 1 middle name each?

[bumbleclat]

No, DSD will definitely not be naming her, that's something I've not come onto this thread for and am i no doubt about for my own reasons.
I think I am BU about DH not having a part in naming the baby so I will reconsider but yeah thanks for unsolicited step child advice but no thanks.

[FluffyFluffster]

Have you asked him about the middle name you prefer? Maybe he'll like it too, it's worth a conversation. If he's stuck on his choice then I think you need to go with it else you might be forced to compromise on the first name.