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AIBU?

To ask How did a peadaphile see my baby?

51 replies

MrsCK · 08/09/2016 19:13

Police had evidence but he hadn't been convicted. Child and baby porn. How on earth was he not prevented from living a life where he had access to children before he was sentenced?

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MrsHam13 · 08/09/2016 19:33

If he was contacting children and trying to groom them then he probably has been given a condition not to contact any children of that age range. So ones who are old enough to use the Internet.

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JenLindleyShitMom · 08/09/2016 19:33

How jen?

Like imposing bail conditions.

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MrsCK · 08/09/2016 19:33

Yes I suppose I am questioning the system....I'm sorry I've not been overly clear. The images he had were so extreme. And he did act on it too. I'm shocked and feel sick about all the what ifs.

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JenLindleyShitMom · 08/09/2016 19:34

Yes I would contact the police and ask about his bail conditions prior to sentencing. He may have breached them by being in contact with your child.

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Waltermittythesequel · 08/09/2016 19:35

I agree with you.

They have no right to decide your child is ok to be around someone who abuses children.

The thing is, I'm not sure how they would regulate it.

You didn't see him often so the police probably never knew he would be near your dc.

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allsfairinlove · 08/09/2016 19:35

Totally understand your concerns. Very upsetting.

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MrsCK · 08/09/2016 19:37

Who/how would I contact? We live in different counties.

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Redglitter · 08/09/2016 19:38

OP I'd contact the police with your concerns. You don't know for sure if he has bail conditions or not. If he has they'll definitely want to know he's breaking them

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Waltermittythesequel · 08/09/2016 19:38

Did you find out after he'd gone home from a visit to you?

You could contact your local station.

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Skittlesss · 08/09/2016 19:39

Call 101 to get through to his force and then the area he lives in and ask for the safeguarding unit... or check the force website for it.

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Welshmaenad · 08/09/2016 19:39

This must be a massive shock for you and very upsetting to think this person has been in contact with your child. I'm not sure in the legalities but just wanted to say I'm really sorry this has impacted on you, it must be very distressing Flowers

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JenLindleyShitMom · 08/09/2016 19:39

Contact the station in his county.

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Waltermittythesequel · 08/09/2016 19:39

Is he in prison now?

Did he take photos of your baby during his visit?

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Redglitter · 08/09/2016 19:40

call 101 and explain the circumstances
If he has a bail.condition it'll be on the system. It's very easy for it to be checked

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Irelephant · 08/09/2016 19:42

Op you couldn't of known and it's not your fault. I have plenty of family and friends I would trust DD's with, most people would say the same.

Some people are just evil. Most people are not Flowers

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MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 08/09/2016 19:42

Well bail conditions won't stop an already condemned paedophile from breaching them will they!?

Still can't see how it would have stopped him

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MrsCK · 08/09/2016 19:42

Thank you.

Yes he's in prison now.

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JenLindleyShitMom · 08/09/2016 19:45

Oh FGS mum.

OP Thanks

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Waltermittythesequel · 08/09/2016 19:46

Well that's one good thing, I suppose.

Awful shock for you.

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summerbreezer · 08/09/2016 19:47

Hi OP,

I am a criminal barrister and happy to answer any questions you have. I am sorry that you went through this.

Firstly, if he has now been sentenced, he is not on bail and therefore the police will not be interested in any breach of bail.

Secondly, a common condition in these circumstances is not to have any contact with a child under 16 unless supervised. So he may not have breached bail in any event. I am sure that is not any comfort to you.

Moving forward, he will now be subject to the notification requirements (sex offenders register in colloquial terms) and possibly a Sexual Harm Prevention Order (a civil order, like a restraining order, that helps to prevent re-offending upon release).

I am sorry this happened to you. Please let me know if you have any questions.

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summerbreezer · 08/09/2016 19:49

I should say as well that the best people to speak to would be the local probation office. They will not be able to give you information but they can ensure that a note is made on his file for when he is released into the community under their supervision.

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MrsCK · 08/09/2016 19:53

Thank you so much for that summer breeze.

It makes sense if they were the conditions. I suppose I'm sickened by the fact he felt able to flout those conditions with no punishment. Would there really be no further punishment for breaking them? The whole thing has come out of the blue and has been kept a secret for months. So I suppose it shouldn't be a surprise he'd be capable of breaking bail too.

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summerbreezer · 08/09/2016 19:59

Bail conditions are not there as as penalty - they are there to ensure that a defendant can be safely released into the community before sentence.

To breach bail will lead to the granting of bail being reconsidered - e.g. if a defendant has as curfew, and is out at 11pm at a party in breach of it, then the court can remand him in custody until his next hearing.

In this case, as he has been sentenced, there is no need for the court to remand him in custody.

It may well be that he has not breached bail at all - although of course, morally, he should have told you.

This is in contrast to the SHPO (if one is in place). Like a regular Restraining Order, if he breaches the terms of it, he will have committed a separate criminal offence and be punished.

A common SHPO term in indecent images cases is to register all internet accesssible devices with the police.

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hungryhippo90 · 08/09/2016 19:59

Mrsck, big hugs to you!!
I was in a similarish situation. I'd been quite good friends with a man when I was 18-19, he just seemed lovely, like a man who liked me, and wanted to help me out. Helped me to paint my flat, put curtains up for me, DIY stuff mainly.
He would also invite us over for dinner sometimes. So anyway, you could've knocked me down with a feather when one Saturday afternoon we were hanging out and a knock at his front door was followed by two police officers, when it was explained to me that he was a paedophile, who wasn't allowed contact with any under 18s. To be honest, deep dow. I know nothing happened to my daughter, because he was never,ever alone with her, but it shocks me and makes me sick/sad/anxious that something could have happened.
It's an awful, awful feeling. These people get by, with their deceptive ways.

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mycatwantstokillme1 · 08/09/2016 20:25

OP I'm sorry to read this. I can tell you it is a bloody big shock because you go cold at all the what ifs? I am a SP to my son who has aspergers. Up until he was 8 we had a neighbour in our flats who we first met when my son was nearly 3. Over the=ose 5 years we got to know him and trust him. He sat in my flat and I made him cups of tea. If we saw him walking home from the station he would hold my son's hand. Then he moved away from the area and we lost touch gradually. A few years ago I read in the local paper him and his adult son had been jailed - his son for 15 years and him for 3 years for the systematic, prolonged sexual abuse of a child in the 80's. I felt sick for a long time. Remembering how he'd sat on our sofa and drunk tea and chatted to my son about every days things. You wouldn't have guessed what he'd done in a million years. After your initial shock you will get over this. But it has made me more guarded in some ways especially as my son will also always be a vulnerable adult. And I don't want to be like that, I don't want to be suspicious of everyone we meet. It takes time. You will be okay.

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