To give up my career for the sake of my sanity

[lastqueenofscotland]

I need to be a bit careful as I know I have a few colleagues who MN! So will have to be vague.

I took a graduate role, good salary etc a few years ago. Big company, world wide, tens and tens of thousands of employees.
Since then my responcibility has increased, but not my salary.

But mainly it's so stressful, I am drowning g under the workload, I have the biggest portfolio, literally double the size of most other people's and when this is raised I get told there isn't the man power at the moment etc/everyone else is busy. Erm I've got double the work.
I went on holiday recently and really wish I hadn't had gone, I've still not caught up. I no longer have a lunch break because the mass of stuff I'll come back to if I so much as go to the cafe for half an hour is obscene. Even going to the loo I dread what I'll miss in 5 minutes.
None of my colleagues can help ease my workload yet when I look round I see people browsing holiday sites, chatting merrily to each other, I don't have time to do that, and if ever I pick up the phone they'll never take the call so I have to deal with their shit too.

I've mentioned this to my boss and she said she's had a word with the worst offenders for phone dodging and it's getting nowhere.

It really reached a head today where yesterday is forgot to forward one email. One lousy email, not even for an urgent issue (will be 2-4 weeks before anything needs to be done) and suddenly the partner who is head of our whole division is sending me emails asking what the hell is going on.
It reached a stage where I ended up being so stressed about the situation (which had been easily resolved by me forwarding the email this morning) I felt like my legs were going to buckle and ended up throwing up in the loo. But I've got people nagging me all day about this. I appreciate I made a mistake but the level it got escalated to was totally disproportionate. Yet the lady that called in sick to go on long weekend got a "don't do it again" email from her line manager.

I had a really aggressive eating disorder at university and find myself wishing I was still that ill as I'd get sick leave/people might go easy on me if I was still 6 stone.

The only thing that's keeping me there is there are 3/4 people there I really really love. But it doesn't really seem worth it any more.
I've found a new job, which would mean I could move in with DP at long last, the money would be a bit better but the long term prospects not nearly as good, but all I can see is more money less stress.

Wibu to give up a potential career for life for the sake of my sanity.

Sorry that was long

[lastqueenofscotland]

My friend who let herself get equally bogged down said she cry-laughed in the loos for about an hour after she handed hers in the other week!
Lesson well and truely learnt and thanks to good old MN feeling ready to face the world, if not my inbox.

[Lorelei76]

OP on resignation day you will feel like this
m.youtube.com/watch?v=iFNLbAs3KAU

[lastqueenofscotland]

Thanks all. Feeling like there is a weight off my shoulders here

[Squtternutbosch]

Do it!

I had a similar sounding job, except I was on a pretty sizeable salary (£100k+) but it still wasn't worth it. After I lost the love of my life as a direct result, I finally just quit one day. Nowhere to go, no plan, just a sudden and convinced knowledge that I couldn't do it for a single day longer.

Eventually I ended up taking a job which worked out as almost a 40% pay cut for a more senior role, but my work-life balance is vastly improved, I have respect at and for my workplace, and my career progression prospects have improved.

Sometimes you need to bite the bullet and make the change. Life's too short.

[Lorelei76]

Ps these jobs often make your long term prospects look good but sometimes they aren't anyway, or what's on offer is a marginally higher salary and more stress.

[Lorelei76]

OP I had a wonderful temp in who was waiting to start a grad training scheme
This was about 3 years ago, I was 37, she was easily one of the best and most professional people I'd ever had the privilege to work with and that was after 18 years in the workplace for me

She was temping with us before starting a grad scheme in a very competitive organisation

The grads were very much put in competition to see who worked the longest hours

Churn and burn it was called in one job I had which I left in 3 weeks

Anyway, that brilliant temp had a serious breakdown about a year in and she wasn't someone who got stressed easily

These firms get twice the work out of you for what they pay and don't guve a shit when you move on because the next eager person is waiting
Leave. Leave leave leave!

[lastqueenofscotland]

Ms vestibule I have about 2 weeks left. I'm waiting for start dates etc! I'd take the 2 weeks to just sit and chill at my mums house I think!

Oddity I agree, I know a few people with the same experience on other big firm grad schemes, cause they pay well and people want to be on them they don't care as they will replace you easily. Lesson learnt!

[TheOddity]

Grad jobs not head jobs

[TheOddity]

Some of these head jobs are almost set up to burn you out. The heads are complete work horses, but just like work horses they have short careers like that!! Take the new job and move around. You'd end up leaving that company anyway for one reason or another eventually. Jobs are not for life as much as big companies want to big up the recruit from within angle.

[MsVestibule]

I'm so glad you've decided to leave! I agree with sparrowhawk that you need to work on your assertiveness skills. Unfortunately, people do take advantage of other people willing to work very hard, but they really don't get the credit for it.

How soon can you leave? Do you have any outstanding holiday to take?

[Biking007]

I left my first graduate job (big big company) after two years and had no regrets. Some of my colleagues thought i was mad, that was 17yrs ago now and I never regretted the decision as the job would have broken me. But don't burn your bridges leave professionally as you never know when you will bump into someone you know later in life. Fast forward 10yrs+ my new senior manager (now living in a different part of the country) in vastly different career path turned out to be ex-snr mgr from my old company who had been on the graduate scheme in the year above me! Good luck go with your instincts

[Dozer]

With your ED etc your mental health should definitely be a high priority, and the work environment is a factor in that. The current place doesn't sound good at all. Congrats on the new job!

[lastqueenofscotland]

No not at all - I started out very eager to please/pass probation, a couple of years down the line I think I'm just a fall-guy for everyone else's shite

[topcat2014]

It's just a job, there will be others. Recommend finding another now.
I know that's not easy, but, with the benefit of more years in the workplace than you, I confirm no employers give a shit about their staff - and will get rid as soon as look at you (BHS..), so do what you need for yourself.

[TheSparrowhawk]

That sounds a bit patronising sorry! I think that company has definitely taken the piss and taken advantage of you, and you're totally right to leave, but dealing with the saying no thing will also be helpful.

[TheSparrowhawk]

Being able to manage your time and set yourself a reasonable workload is an important skill - it'll serve you well if you develop it.

[BlossomCat]

Leave. I left a job that had me crying on the way home. I had no job to go to, and spent 6 weeks living very frugally, but now do much the same job in a smaller organisation.
Life is so much better. For me, for my husband and for my kids, as I'm no longer so stressed and miserable.
Leave and regain your life.

[lastqueenofscotland]

You're very right, I think I end up being asked because they know even if I initially say no I'll be worn down to agree quickly!

[TheSparrowhawk]

You definitely need to be able to say no, if only because colleagues aren't mind readers - they have to know that if they ask you, you'll be honest about your ability to take something on.

[lastqueenofscotland]

Sparrow that's a good idea, thank you I'd not thought of that.
I am a bit of a door mat, so if someone says "I need you to do this" I'll never say I don't have time I'll just try and cram it in.

[MummaGiles]

Glad you've made up your mind OP. That place sounds toxic. It might be ok for some people, but it's clearly not the right fit for you. Move on,, get new great colleagues. The 3/4 people you like at your current place aren't guaranteed to still be there in 12 months and you'll regret turning down the opportunity to escape.

[Yellowbird54321]

Absolutely leave. It's good that writing it down has helped clarify it for you - best of luck for the future

[TheSparrowhawk]

Definitely leave. Be nice as pie to them until you go but they give you an exit interview state very clearly how you've been treated (in a polite way). My guess is that you're very talented and reliable and you've been taken advantage of because of that. Would it be worth having some counselling to improve your assertiveness so that you can stand up for yourself in the new job and avoid the same thing happening again?

[lastqueenofscotland]

Skibeck yes very similar. People really want to work there so saying you'll leave if xyz doesn't happen holds no weight. I've made up my mind!

[goddessoftheharvest]

Leaveleaveleave

That is all. I felt the stress just reading that!