AIBU to tell them to piss off, it's my wedding!

[Christine88]

Me and DP have talked about getting married for years now but children and maternity pay and bills have sort of pushed it back. We're now at a point where we can seriously start to think about getting married, we're going to have to save and I'm reluctant to spend ridiculous amounts of money on a wedding!
Anyway we came up with the idea that maybe we could go away to get married, still somewhere in England but a nice beach wedding where we can stay for a couple of weeks have the wedding in the middle and have a holiday either side of it! It'll be cheaper as I know not everyone will travel and we won't have to invite as many people as we might have a party at home in the local pub or something.
Nothing is set in stone yet but this is the way we're thinking of going.
Anyway I mentioned this to my sister who I'm very close too. She has 3 children and we help each other with childcare and go on play dates together and have nights out with shared friends etc
My sister freaked out, called me selfish, said not every one can get the time off work or afford it and what's the point of getting married if I don't share it with the whole family!
What shall I do?

We have a huge family and I like about 5 of them! We never see each other unless there's a wedding or a funeral! And I don't particularly want practically strangers at my wedding!!

[fabulous01]

Do what you want.
But then accept if people you want to be there can't make it. My sister wanted and did get married in Italy and it split the family. 2 of us couldn't get there as my other half was having an eye transplant and other sister just couldn't afford it. It took us about 5 years and lots of years to speak again and things still aren't the way it used to be. She wanted just us there, but chose Italy and we just couldn't get there. So do what you want but accept others may not be practically be able to go

[Hidingtonothing]

We told no one, got married at our local registry office with two witnesses from work and went to the pub for lunch afterwards to celebrate. Twas bliss, no family arguments, no stress and absolutely no regrets! It's your wedding, your sister had her day the way she wanted it, you're totally entitled to do the same

[T0ddlerSlave]

You can't trust the weather in the uk for a beach wedding. I wouldn't risk it. Just have a limited guest list at home.

[ratspeaker]

Yes you can do beach weddings in Scotland
A couple recently got ma rried on Portobello beach , Edinburgh
www.edinburghnews.scotsman.com/news/edinburgh-couple-married-in-beach-wedding-at-portobello-1-4220205

Edinburgh also has a beach futher to the west at Silverknowes/ Crammond area.

[RhodaBorrocks]

Diamonds already suggested it, but I've been to a wedding here and it's just lovely - www.tunnelsbeaches.co.uk/weddings.html

Ignore your sister. My mum desperately wants me to elope but I like big parties, so i'm paying her no attention!

[Laiste]

If i were you i'd just save a little bit, go off just the two of you and the kids and get hitched abroad somewhere warm.

Sometimes it's easier to invite none that some. 'Specially if DH is onside.

I would have loved to have do the above but DH wanted his family there. Which meant mine had to be there. Which meant the big wedding. sigh.

[trafalgargal]

My brother is the most unweddingy person ever but ended up having to have a bells and whistles wedding in his wife's home country but needed a ceremony here too for legal reasons . They had Brighton registry office then took over a pub for bangers and mash (private hire and the place was famous for it) it was very relaxed.

We are getting married abroad , a trip to Vegas with a nice hotel and decent ceremony works out cheaper than the simplest wedding and even small reception here. If I was going toget married in Kent I'd go for the Archbishops Palace in Maidstone followed by a meal for closest family only in Maidstone, job done. A wedding is about the ceremony not the type of party afterwards.

[Wellywife]

I've travelled in the UK to hundreds of weddings. As I lived in London in my 20s and most people got married wherever the bride was from.

It usually meant one night in a hotel the night of the wedding but getting dressed early and driving to the venue in wedding clothes.

I don't know where you live but if it's only a couple of hours drive from there it should be doable. If you make in a noon wedding just followed by lunch like we did then people can even go back the same day if they wish.

[SparklyShinyThings]

Weddings where guests have to travel just put the costs onto them so that the wedding doesn't cost the couple as much.

Fine to have a big or small wedding but if you are inviting people then surely as a host you make it as easy, convenient and not costly for guests as possible.

[NightWanderer]

I actually disagree with the majority here. I hate this attitude that weddings are all about the bride and groom and stuff what friends and family think. Your family love you, they want to be there for your wedding. Making things as awkward as possible in the hope that not many will come will just put a burden on them and cause everyone, including yourselves, so much stress and anxiety. If you don't want to have a big wedding then don't, but if you have people that you know want to be there, then why not book a local registry office and just have a casual family meal in the evening or something? You could just book out a local pub or restaurant. Just have a nice, fun, relaxed day and head off to the beach for 2 weeks for your honeymoon. It's so much simpler and easier for everyone.

[Diamondsandpurls]

Have a look at tunnel beaches in ilfracombe, just gorgeous

[ProfYaffle]

Agree with littlegreyauditor, your sister sees it as a criticism of her day because you don't want to get married as she did. Stick to your guns and have the day you want. I had a small wedding and loved it, it was far more 'us' than a huge affair would have been.

[dentydown]

Er. It's your wedding. I suppose you could suggest that if people want to see you married, you are having a no-frills registry office wedding. See what everyone's reaction is.
You're not here to pay for a pissup/feed everyone and their dog!
My cousin had a wedding that cost 2-300. She had a dress from the charity shop, cake made by her mum and a small venue (buffet, buy your own drinks) at a pub. It worked for her a was lovely.

[Christine88]

Maybe instead of formal invitations I should visit everyone we want to invite and do it more as a would you like to come before the actual invitations come?!
I was also aware of the beach legal bit thing and there are a few venues which offer a blessing on the beach after if that's the route we decide to go down!

[Christine88]

I don't think 40 people is a lot to invite, I have 3 sisters with 6 children between them and partners that's 12 already!
We live in Kent, even if we get married here most of DP's family live away so they'll be travelling finding accommodation etc anyway! I was thinking somewhere along the south coast so not actually that far and also at the weekend so most people who have to use annual holiday!
I absolutely don't expect everyone to come but I think it'd be worse to assume they don't want to come and just not invite them at all!

[Sceptimum]

Your sister is projecting her idea of what a wedding should be like on to you. Ignore and go with whatever makes you happy.
We did a destination wedding, mainly to avoid the 300 relatives, neighbours and their dogs scenario it would have become if we had had it near my family (and my family and his are on opposite sides of the world) and it was lovely. We had very informal pub parties in both our home cities, open invite, for everyone who wanted to come. As you said, op, just make it clear in the invite that you completely understand if people don't come, and that they are welcome if they want to.

[Lj8893]

sandy I was the first pp to suggest there were limited places to get married on the beach in England, I did suggest Bournemouth but also adviced it's pricey!

[123therearenomoreusernames]

This is fabulous for a beach wedding http://www.inchydoneyisland.com/ in Ireland

[pieceofpurplesky]

My cousin got married on a week away with the kids. Invited everyone for a bbq the day they got back and told everyone they were married. Everyone loved it X

[RepentAtLeisure]

If you don't like too much attention anyway, what about a quiet registry office wedding locally, then blow the budget on the honeymoon?

[BonnieF]

Good grief.

Why are so many people evidently incapable of grasping the concept that their friend or family member's wedding is about the bride and groom. It's not about them, or their children, or their opinions.

People. FFS.

[DontSweatTheSmallStuff]

Oh goodness, do whatever YOU want to do, not what other people want. You will regret it if you don't. I speak from experience and some of the things we conceded on were far more trivial than your issues but I still feel annoyed when I think about them.

You say your sister likes being the centre of attention. Is she upset she won't get the attention for being sister of the bride, does she expect to be a bridesmaid etc. Sounds like she expects you to have the type of wedding she would like/had, but like you say that's not what you want and she needs to accept that.

[Littlegreyauditor]

Your sister is spitting the dummy because she feels that her wedding was perfect and the fact that you don't want to copy it in its entirety is a judgement on her and her taste/decisions/life etc. A bit like some people get stroppy when they encounter someone with different ideas on raising children, different politics, different beliefs...they take it as a personal attack whether it is or not.

Ignore her. Some people don't get that not everything is about them. Have the wedding you want. She'll either get over it or she won't, either way life goes on.

[deste]

We watched a wedding on the beach on Saturday, in Scotland. The groom had made an arch from driftwood with a heart on top. They had seats on the beach and lots of people standing back watching. It was lovely, in fact beautiful. The bride burst into tears when she saw the archway.

[SandyPantz]

I didn't say anything against scotland, scotland is a great idea

however where beach weddings are allowed and licenced in UK they usually allow a markee on the sand so it's not too weather dependant