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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In laws, racism and christening. WWYD?

29 replies

Wigglyfoof · 19/08/2016 08:16

I'm really struggling with my in laws at the moment and we've reached a point where I have to make an uncomfortable decision.

They are racist. Xenophobic too. Generally unpleasant. I've managed to have very little contact with them since DD was born 7 months ago and DH knows why. He accepts that they're a little out of order but they are his family and he excuses them sometimes.

Yesterday MIL and SIL turned up at my door. Came for a "chat" because it's time to Christen DD. All fine so far but 5 minutes into things they started. Casually throwing out racist slurs because SIL's 18 year old DD has a new friend who's mixed race. Moaning about all the immigration. Suggesting we build a Trump style wall to keep them all out.

I said nothing and they didn't stay long. Normally I can just forget it but DD's Christening. My DBro got married last month to the most wonderful woman who just happens to be from Poland. I don't give two shits because she is lovely and makes him happy. They're aware of this and have already "joked" about her getting until the country. Lots of my family and friends are of different races and nationalities. One wears a hijab. In laws are all from the same three street patch of village.

I have to have DBro there. But I think they have to be invited too. I can't trust them not to offend everyone and I don't want DD's day tainted.

AIBU to just cancel the whole thing? Not get her christened for fear of them ruining it?

OP posts:
IdaDown · 19/08/2016 13:11

My DM is 66 and my In Laws are mid 80s and none of them hold with racist/homophobic sh1t.

It's not a generational thing (unless you're 150yrs +) - it's an ignorant thing.

mollie123 · 19/08/2016 13:23

Ida - exactly
by citing the 'generational' thing, posters are attacking/blaming an entire older generation when it is an ignorant, uneducated, daily mail reading subset of any generation who are likely to have these views.

pudcat · 19/08/2016 13:25

Tell them that they can be prosecuted for being racist in a public place.

pigsDOfly · 19/08/2016 14:01

Oh god, this reminds me of one ghastly occasion when I was living abroad, my then boyfriend, now exh, was there with his sister, both english, and the girlfriend of a friends of ours; sister had history of overt racist remarks

The girlfriend was from the country I was living in and although her spoken English wasn't brilliant, she had a pretty good understanding of it. Anyway, we're all in my flat having coffee when SIL, unaware that girlfriend can understand every word she says, starts having a rant about the people of the country, saying that they're all nasty and rude - clearly doesn't know the meaning of ironic - how they were all grabby freeloaders who would sell their granny etc. etc.

I sat there for a frozen moment frantically trying to work out how to deal with this awful woman and the cringe making situation she had created.
In the end I told her to stop being rude to a guest in my house - bit weak, but that's all that came to me at the time. Thankfully, she flounced out of the room into one of the bedrooms. I apologised to the girlfriend and we continued drinking our coffee in a somewhat strained atmosphere trying to make polite conversation. Wasn't a successful afternoon really.

People like that need to be challenged OP and your DH needs to be the one to do it as it's his family. If they can't keep their horrible opinions to themselves, then they need to know they'd be told to leave.

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