To think karma has served up a lovely cold dish?

[Interestingfactsabouttoes]

I truly don't mean to be horrible and gloat,
But aibu to have a big on my face after finding out that exdp has been cheating on his gf (ow). She's found out as the ow called her and told her she was sleeping with her bf thinking gf was the ow (all a bit Jeremy Kyle).

[eyebrowsonfleek]

Agree Bogey Most people don't know that the cheaters script involves a stage where they tell the person who was cheated on that it was their fault and if they XYZ then they wouldn't have done it. The person who was cheated on ends up worrying that they could have prevented the other person cheating because they are in a state of shock. Obviously they realise that nobody forces people to cheat but late at night when everybody else is asleep, your mind decides to wander down dark alleys.

[PaintedDrivesAndPolishedGrass]

lorelei I agree it's not that easy in real life.

[LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF]

painted. Like the link and agree but not always that easy to follow in real life (although I try....and frequently fail). Think perhaps OP might have been better off going with 'schadenfreude'. I, for one, did get a kick out of hearing the OW has been sleeping with someone else. Ho, ho, ho (that's laughter and not moi being misogynistic before anyone panics!)

[PaintedDrivesAndPolishedGrass]

Before I get flamed, I totally get how the OP feels. I've been cheated on too. It was horrific and I secretly wished him dead and now he is. That's my Karma.

[PaintedDrivesAndPolishedGrass]

Here you go, 12 principles of Karma. Your thoughts. Your words. Your deeds.

karma2013.weebly.com/12-karmic-principles.html

[LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF]

bogey Yep. And fortunately, or unfortunately, anger is very much part of that process.

[Bogeyface]

Yeah, but you don't really need any affirmation for that, do you? It's quite obvious. He cheated because he is a cheater.

Easy to say.

But when the person you love and trust is standing in front of you saying that the reason for their affair is a failing within you, then you do wonder if they are right. Every little incident that they bring up to "prove" what they are saying has you questioning yourself. Trying to work out why the person you loved treated you like this is crazy making, it really is and anything that helps the healing is a good thing.

[TheNaze73]

Nobody deserves to be cheated on so YABU. However, I can understand your delight at this chain of events. I wish all these people that forgive cheaters would read this. If they can do it once, then can do it again. You either have a moral compass or don't. End of...

[Bogeyface]

eyebrow I agree that knowing it really wasnt you is a big thing.

"I cheated because you....[insert bullshit reason here]" can destroy your self confidence. And being told that OW is lovely and wonderful etc does that too.

When he then cheats on her it can be healing because then you have cast iron proof that the fault is within him, and there was nothing you could have done or been that would have prevented the cheating.

[VestalVirgin]

In my case, I wish it because it reaffirms the fact that he is the cunt and he didn't cheat because there is something wrong with me.

Yeah, but you don't really need any affirmation for that, do you? It's quite obvious. He cheated because he is a cheater. Even if you never hear of him cheating again, it is likely he is doing it.

[UncleHerbie]

Brenna I believe it was Sir James Goldsmith

[toadgirl]

I agree he hasn't had his punishment yet but I'm sure one day he will

He's living his punishment already. Inability to sustain any kind of meaningful relationship. Not being with his children every day.

[eyebrowsonfleek]

It's not misogyny to wish that your cheating ex cheats on OW. I bet that there are men wishing that OM get cheated on.

In my case, I wish it because it reaffirms the fact that he is the cunt and he didn't cheat because there is something wrong with me. (A feeling that people who are cheated on often have.) Cheaters sometimes say that they are driven to cheat which is obviously bollocks unless there's physical force like a gun involved. The end of the relationship between ex and OW puts even more distance between the relationship between him and I which is a win-win all round.

I'd be if I were you.

[VestalVirgin]

That's not karma, it is just being stupid and having to deal with the results. It is pretty obvious that a man who cheats on his girlfriend with you, will cheat on you with yet another woman.

Karma would be if your ex was cheated on. Could still happen, I suppose.

[MorrisZapp]

I don't blame anyone for having a non PC reaction to being totally crapped on. No doubt I'd use a few disgusting words if it happened to me.

What always gets me though is mn posters weighing in with the same old sexist tropes. Objectively, it's illogical and in my view woman hating to think that it's karma when a cheater cheats again. I don't blame op or anyone in her situation for being less than objective.

[Interestingfactsabouttoes]

I agree he hasn't had his punishment yet but I'm sure one day he will, until then I am just happy with this little victory.

[LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF]

Hmmm. My personal situation is that my ex had an affair, hid it from me, and then when I found, ran off with her. He has now told me he thinks she has cheated on him. I'd be lying if I said I didn't experience schadenfreude when I heard this. When I first found out, my anger was directed at her. From the drip-fed info my ex has given me, I now think she is a rather vunerable woman going through difficult life circumstances, and, going by the fact that I was an alcoholic when I met him, I rather think he seeks out vunerable women to make him feel better about himself (he seems unable to hold down a job and is addicted to smoking weed).

BUT: I am ashamed to say when I first found out, I used many misogynistic terms to describe her, as I was in shock and incredibly hurt. The fact that I resorted to this made me miserable because I like to think I'm something of a feminist. I absolutely appreciate that name-calling, etc is unacceptable and unfair, but I also feel that people cannot always be held responsible for their remarks when they have just discovered the life they thought they had was based on lies.

In this situation, the OP seems to have moved on from the initial pain she experienced, and I'm happy for her, but sometimes the hurt runs deeper than we are necessarily aware of, thus her response. I wonder if this holier-than-thou attitude would be taken if you were in the same boat fully expects posts about women being absolute besties with the OW

[woodly2013]

You gloat and don't have a little smile have a big Cheshire cat ear to ear grin. You deserve it.

[paxillin]

Oh dear. Have you sent a "sorry you are having a rough time" card?

[DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain]

I thought you meant korma; I was going to say don't serve it cold because of the cream

[CallMeMaybe]

Surely it would only have been karma if the man had been cheated on.

The best instance of this I've seen was actually a woman who cheated on her partner multiple times with multiple men. She even ceased one affair, married her partner then started another affair almost straight afterwards. Except this affair was "the one," and she left her h for him. Started talking about the regrets she felt over the past, how now she'd met her soulmate it was different. Planned to move to be with her soulmate, arrived on his doorstep only to be told that he never thought the relationship was serious and he had been sleeping with multiple women during the course of their affair.

Now that is karma.

[Interestingfactsabouttoes]

I am most certainly not hating on women, I love them I am one. I just don't like this particular woman and believes she gets what she deserves, she along with exdp knew he had a family, they both embarked on an affair that tore my life apart destroying me and my dcs in the process.

As I said previously she was happy at the fact ex left me for her and like I said gloated, by sending me pictures of every mundane thing they did together, she threatened to kidnap my children from nursery so many times that I ended up moving to a completely different area, losing my friends and family all because a man I thought loved me as much as I loved him couldn't keep his dick in his pants.

So excuse me for having a little smile and gloat to myself on an anonymous forum at the fact that little miss perfect is not so fucking perfect.

[merville]

That woman made my life hell for the last two years, after finding out about their affair she constantly sent me pictures of her and ex together, telling me she took my man and that she was coming for my dcs next.

I think if you're only laughing at her 'karma' in being cheated on after ^ this, you're an incredibly nice person .. if someone said something like that to me I'd have been wondering how I could get away with her murder (only theoretically of course) .. well, mainly theoretically ;)

[mumofthemonsters808]

Reading this post, made me start thinking about the people who treated me like dirt, I must be the only person who never gets to gloat or have a smug look on my face, because they all seem to have nice lives, good relationships, great health.So would Karma say that I got what I deserved ?, is this how it works ?, only I don't even recall ever treating someone badly.

[Bogeyface]

There never is any punishment for men like this, so whats the point in getting angry about it? Even if OW had cheated on him he wouldnt have learned anything because people like that never do. All we can hope is that she will learn from it and realise that putting all your emotional eggs into the cheaters basket is a foolish thing to do and never do it again.

And yes, there is some satisfaction in knowing that now she has just a tiny bit of what she put the OP through, although the comments about coming for the OPs DC means that she should burn in hell imo.