To expect my children to play in their bedrooms?

[ellliebelle]

Because quite frankly their reaction makes me feel like I am!!!

So coming up to the end of our 2nd week of school holidays and dd1 (9), dd2 (6) and ds1 (3) have spent most of their time so far playing in the garden. This is great I have loved it. I have also taken them on walks, to the cinema, to a museum and to an art gallery to do crafts. We have had picnics and been out for lunch, o and both dd's have done a dancing holiday club for 3 half days.

Today they have got up and they don't know what to do with themselves, I have asked all 3 of them to play upstairs so I can get some bits done (we are going camping tomorrow so I need to pack/clean etc) the reaction from all 3 was one of utter shock. You'd think I'd asked them to cut their own arms off or something. Since I asked one of them has been back downstairs at least every 10 minutes, can we play out, can we watch TV, can we go on the tablet, is it lunch time, can we go to the park.....

How I'm supposed to get anything done I do not know.

So is it U for me to expect them to entertain themselves inside for the morning?

[Longlost10]

three year old, very unreasonable, 9 year old not particularly unreasonable, the 6 year old could maybe pay with the 9 year old? that might be ok for the younger one, but not the elder.

[JohnLithgowsLargeForehead]

Telly/Ipad is perfect for these times! You'll be able to get everything done uninterrupted.

[IfNotNowThenWhenever]

I don't really like kids playing in their bedrooms. I like them playing in the family spaces.

Er...what if your "family space" is an over crowded living room, a tiny kitchen and a narrow staircase/hall?
We don't all have playrooms In fact...We do, it's ds's bedroom!

Of course you're not being unreasonable OP. In the real world a parent can tell their kids to get out from under their feet and play in their room, but this is mumsnet, so "it's their home too" and you should feel guilty. Or shove a tablet at them.

I am going to be packing and cleaning tomorrow, and if there is constant mithering I will probably even shout

[KittensandKnitting]

Id say I'm doing XYZ down here for our holiday so you can either play in your bedrooms this morning or here is a list of chores you can do...

Bet they would soon play in their bedrooms :)

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

Is it raining ellie ? Why can't they play in the garden and be out of your hair?

One of mine has always played in his room alone by choicer that way if in the right mood (plus having a tendency to get up too early to play or play during the night...)

One never really played there alone exactly but since she was about 9 has done "hobby" stuff alone up there - she paints and draws up there, writes stories and diaries and of course reads, and now I let her use a tablet up there with permission (she's 11).

My middle one has never played in his room - its where he sleeps and does home work. He'll read in bed occasionally but not in the day - if he reads in the day its on the sofa. He has tons of lego and books and drawing and writing materials and a remote control car, teddies he won't part with but keeps in a box... and various other toys and actually has the biggest room by fluke, but he never spends any time up there - he's not stuck to screens though, he plays outdoors for hours on end and can play alone outdoors for a long time if there is nobody else out (practising "skills" with a football or whittling sticks mostly) but he has never played alone indoors really, let alone alone in his room. If his little brother joins him they will play together but it usually ends in tears as though they don't fight they get very wild if alone in a room upstairs together and it is best avoided.

If your kids aren't in the habit of playing upstairs ever they will be at a bit of a loss asked to do it for the whole morning.

I'd either get the older 2 to pack their own stuff or let them out in the garden. If I'm packing with kids in the house they are my runners and have to fetch the equipment as I call it out, and we each pack our own little bag of clothes and any entertainment items we want to take - I help the youngest. Might be easier if they are "helping" (and 9 is old enough to be properly helping without inverted commas).

Your youngest is so young - have you assigned the older 2 babysitting duty without giving them credit for it (very responsible job - don't need a material reward but if you need them to look after their sibling for several hours that deserves major acknowledgement!)

[Gottagetmoving]

I am surprised at how many people worry about what their kids can do if they are not constantly entertaining them or letting them watch TV or play on Xboxes or tablets.

They can draw, they could play with Play doh,..they could play a board game, Play with toy figures, read, dress up, make a den in their bedroom,..or play out in the garden, even if it is raining...put a coat and wellies on! Kids don't dissolve in rain.
If my kids could not entertain themselves I would be worried there was something wrong with them.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

I don't think the question was about their ability to entertain themselves, but about where they do so, as the op needs clutter free space. Ds is more than capable of entertaining himself but prefers to do so around people - lounge or kitchen. He wouldn't be happy confined to his room because he likes interacting with people while he's playing. My suggestion of TV was based on the idea that if op needs to get on and doesn't want them cluttering up living space with their things, TV is perfectly acceptable if they don't want to be confined to bedrooms. I don't understand the aversion to screen time if children are otherwise healthy, active, outdoorsy children. I love the outdoors, doesn't mean I want to spend all my time out there.

[LagunaBubbles]

What's wrong with putting the TV on 99littleducks? Why the surprise? TV isn't the devil.

[FreedomIsInPeril]

So is it U for me to expect them to entertain themselves inside for the morning

No. But you won't actually let them. Playing outside would be entertaining themselves, so would going on tablets, watching TV......you want them to entertain themselves but only according to your narrow parameters. Why not just let them alone and get on with your stuff?

[FreedomIsInPeril]

So is it U for me to expect them to entertain themselves inside for the morning

No. But you won't actually let them. Playing outside would be entertaining themselves, so would going on tablets, watching TV......you want them to entertain themselves but only according to your narrow parameters. Why not just let them alone and get on with your stuff?

[BackforGood]

But if you are packing, don't you need access to their clothes, etc?
Personally, I'd be setting them off on a mission to start their packing - get them to put out on their bed what they think they need, etc. Involve them in the getting ready.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

TV isn't the devil

Totally agree. Ds gets most of his scientific knowledge from Nine and the Neurons. And his geographical knowledge from Gojetters! I'm not a lazy parent either - we take time to explain things, do things and go places too. The two are not mutually exclusive.

[allowlsthinkalot]

Why can't they play in the garden or downstairs while you get things done?

[Gottagetmoving]

He wouldn't be happy confined to his room because he likes interacting with people while he's playing

So long as you are not confining a child to a room all the time and only when you have to - then it doesn't really matter that the child is not happy about it. Kids have to learn to cope with situations whether it is one they like or not, surely?

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

Gotta children should be able to entertain themselves, but they don't have to be happy to be confined to their bedrooms to do it - by the sound of it they are quite capable of entertaining themselves in the garden (although it is possible the Ellie provided and supervised activities for them when they were in the garden earlier in the week, she hasn't said she did and it would be odd to always do that).

I asked whether it was raining where the OP is simply because I wondered if that was the reason she wasn't sending them outside to play, given they have asked to play out... not because I thought children dissolve in rain. It would be a little cruel to insist they stay outside unaccompanied in an ordinary garden for several hours if it were raining hard, though unnecessary to refuse to let them out...

If children have had their time overly structured up until now then it would be unrealistic to expect them to entertain themselves.

However assuming they are used to playing without adults constantly "organising" them it sounds as if it is the fact the OP is insisting they stay in their rooms that is the problem, not an inability to entertain themselves. OP needs to come back and tell us why they can't play in the garden today, just as she says they have done all holiday.

It would also be interesting to know whether the 3 yo has equal responsibility for entertaining herself, or whether the big two are expected to keep her out of their mum's way upstairs for several hours, and whether the task, which is quite a big one for a 6 and a 9 yo, has been acknowledged.

[Gottagetmoving]

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne

Yes,..I agree

[Mycatsabastard]

YANBU.

I'm also a bit :o at 'playing in family space' because surely if you are getting stuff sorted to go camping then you will be using that family space to be putting bags, boxes etc that you need to take with you.

Get them to come down and make themselves a picnic lunch and they can take it upstairs to eat on a blanket in one of the rooms. That should keep them occupied for a short while at least.

[Farmmummy]

YABCU or at least that is the reaction I tend to get from my 6 year old when asked to do similar if I need to do so. However if she is in a huff or just quite content to play there herself I won't see her for ages

[LittleLionMansMummy]

OK Gotta I'll put it another way. He wouldn't do it, at least not without a huge a fuss that would make everyone unhappy. But then he's 5 and an only child. His opportunity for interaction with other children is therefore limited. But there's simply no reason for me to insist on him going to his room either, it wouldn't be a problem for me because I'm perfectly happy for him to play in 'family space' (because we have some) and if/ when I need that space he can watch TV or go outside. Or help. Op has apparently removed those options and I'm not sure why.

[Atinybittiredandsad]

I am baffled. Tell them they play in their rooms if they want to go on holiday tomorrow. Just tell them that's how it's going to be.

Personally to pack I would need to be in the bedrooms so I would prefer putting a film on for them and sofa time.

Baffled that people feel kids need entertainment laid on 24/7 by adults.

and kids can't always expect people to play and interact with them all the time.

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

I think children these days struggle to entertain themselves as its either micromanaged activities, TV or computers of some sort.

I have a friend who moans that her children can't entertain themselves but it's because she never leaves them to and having a conversation with her is a nightmare as they are interrupting constantly with needing some sort of input from their mum.

I always make a point of letting my children entertain themselves. I wasn't played with much as a child, I had to get on with it. I don't think it's a good thing for parents to constantly play with their children.

The only time I get them to play in their rooms is if I am vacuuming downstairs, other than that I can't see how they are in the way.

[LagunaBubbles]

I think children these days struggle to entertain themselves as its either micromanaged activities, TV or computers of some sort

That's a bit of a generalised statement, put in the word some before children. You're right about the micromanaged level of activities though, Im genuinely baffled to at children that dont know how to entertain themselves, regardless of what they do e.g. my DS whos 8 is more than capable of playing with toys, watching TV, playing on his tablet, going out to play with his friends without me telling him what to do.

[Obliviated]

We don't have toys in the bedroom, mainly because it's very small but also because they would never go to sleep if they could get out of bed to play.

We keep toys in the front room, it was supposed to be a brilliant idea meaning that the other room (which is tiny) could be toy free and I could just close the door if anyone came round and pretend that I was doing a grand job of keeping the house tidy. Didn't work, they never play in there, they just bring the toys into the other room.

[ellliebelle]

Mixed ideas then :-)

They ended up playing lively for a couple of hours in the end. I didn't want them on the tablet/watching tv as it always seems to put them in a bad mood and moany/whingey and I didn't want them in the garden when I couldn't supervise properly.

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

You are right laguna, I didn't actually mean all children, was on my phone so just typing quickly. There definitely seems to be a gap between micromanaged children and children who are left to get on and use their own imaginations. I know which version I prefer.