Garden fence and next doors unruly children

[legofansmum]

Hi please could people offer advice at my wits end.

I live in a terraced house alone with my 8 year old DS who has autism.
In February 5 fence panels blew down in a storm. I am still waiting for the housing association to replace them. They are only replacing them because next door is a private rental not one of their properties. However, the housing association have said they will only replace if next doors landlord goes half. I am still waiting despite lots of false promise, complaints and phone calls.
Next door have 2 boys 5 and 7 who are left to do what that like. Their eldest son loved to take toys off my DS and watch him have a meltdown. Their youngest son keeps telling DS that he will punch him if he doesn't play with them. DS wants to be left alone. They won't leave him alone. They've even entered our house twice and taken DS toys.
Friday, after I lost it with housing association they put up a temporary tarpaulin to divide the gardens (my suggestion ) their kids have stood on chairs to peer over it(not just for a glimpse but 30 mins plus to call at and torment DS) thryve climbed over it , thrown stones and even a bloody ladder In to my garden. Took one of DS's toys and threatened to throw it into garden behind,greatly upsetting DS. I intervene but they don't listen. Their parents aren't nasty people but are wet and don't follow through any punishments. The kids are left to their own devices.


I'm at my wits end. They're antogonising my DS in what should be a safe space.

Any ideas how to get rid of them. When the fence is finally repaired I'm going to try and grow plants perhaps up it. He tarpaulin is 6ft and doesn't stop them.
Can't afford to move and love this area and my other neighbours.
Worried as school hols are nearly here and ds is energetic and entitled to a garden to play in.
Thanks for reading.

[Palomb]

The fence!

The defence is quite apt though 😂

[Pinkandbluemcdonald5]

HA's don't generally have a responsibility to replace fences between gardens. I owned my house beside a HA property. When the fence fell down I paid for the replacement, as the tenant wasn't interested (even though they had young children).

[Glassofwineneeded]

Have you actually spoken to the parents?

[babyblabber]

Hopefully once the fence is up they will lose interest. Can you get it fixed yourself?

In our last house the fence fell down three times (very windy storms!) and each time we dropped in notes to our reclusive neighbour re sharing the cost of fixing it but never heard anything so just did it ourselves. We could barely afford it but it was a necessity. Last time we got concrete pillars between the panels and concrete at the bottom so if you do that they should stay up.

Also spent a fortune on weed killer to kill the weeds in his driveway that always spread to ours (after noticing that one weed was nearly as tall as the house!)

I know it's shit spending money on things like that, and totally unfair but sounds like it'd be worth it.

[blueturtle6]

If can have them safely away from ds, then nettles attract butterlies to a garden. Otherwise gorse bushes or blackberries?

[Buggers]

Please don't get a dog just so it growls at the children. Tell the children if they don't start playing nicely you will have to speak to their parents, if that doesn't work then tell them off yourself. You can't be walked all over by a pair of children!

[gunsandbanjos]

Why are you not fixing the fence panels yourself if it's such a big issue for you?

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Natural Barrier are used all the time often in order to provide a bit of low level protection to the people you are attempting to create a barrier from.

These children could harm themselves climbing harm themselves on something they may not be familure with and as the op knows they do it she has a bit of a responsibility to take steps to keep them out.

If a thorny barrier prevents them climbing up a fence it then has a useful function, it protects the op's child and it protects the neighbours kids.

Most HA's and LA's won't replace fencing at their own expense but they may replace it and tack the cost onto the rent at a few extra quid a week. It may be worth asking if they can do that.

[BlackeyedSusan]

blackberriesarequickerandgiveyoufruit.

[legofansmum]

Thanks for all these replies. they have a large wooden playhouse next to my fence which they climb onto and jump into my garden.
If i had the money I would repair the fence myself. It's the labour costs that make it so expensive. I can only work part time to fur around DS being at school as he couldn't go to childcare. He has had a statement since he was 3 which is because of the severity of his condition.
I'm going to have to try and get rid of my anxiety and speak to the parents again tomorrow. The kids are let out into the garden unsupervised for hours.

[Hillfarmer]

Be incredibly calm but firm when you talk to the parents. Take a list of recent things their children have done. This shouldn't be happening at all - they are letting their kids terrorise you and your son, what's their explanation? There no reasonable explanation for this!

You have to insist that the parents either supervise their children in the garden or they don't let them out. What you are going through - and your son - is intolerable. They should be absolutely mortified that this is happening.

It's totally outrageous that little children are coming into your garden and messing about with your ds' toys. The parents should be concerned for their own children's welfare at the very least.

Tell them that this situation cannot continue, and if the trespass or the taunting or stealing happens again then you will have no option but to call the police.

How awful this is happening OP. I know this must be incredibly energy-sapping and depressing, but you have to act.

And is there nobody at all that you could ask to help you put your own fence up?

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

Start with asking the neighbours to move the playhouse to a different boundary so they can't use it to jump over your fence or temporary fence.
If that doesn't work then construct a pond or plant a prickly bush in their landing zone. Berberis is an excellent intruder deterrent. Or bamboo is a non spiky screening plant.
You could get bits of wood that are 10foot tall and put them inside your garden with tarpaulin stretched across to obscure their view while the playhouse is a problem.
Speak to your PCSO and get them to speak to neighbours to impress the need to have control of their dc if they're entering your house. It's only a few years before the DC are criminally responsible.

[LilacInn]

Turn the hose on them when they are at the fence line jeering and teasing. "Oops didn't see you there. Better get along now"

There are cheap motion sensor wireless alarms. Put some down where they jump into your yard?

If your phone can video, record their trespassing and show to police for advice.

Disrespectful little gits deserve what they get.

[AnotherPrickInTheWall]

If the posts are still in place and wooden you could bodge up the panels by nailing then to the post. Concrete posts have a slot to slide the panel into. Could you ask a friend to help?
The panels might need a few new a few minor repairs, a bit of lath or whatever, but seldom do they need replacing just because they have blown out.

[AnotherPrickInTheWall]

A bit of lath costs about £1.25 a fence panel anything from £15 to £24 pounds depending on hight and type, feather edge being stronger ( they are all standard 6 feet wide)

[ipsogenix]

If you are too anxious to confront the parents verbally, could you perhaps write this all down and give them the letter to read? That way they would get all of the information that they need in order to solve the problem. I agree with a poster above about this order:

1. Speak very firmly to the children.
   
2. Speak very firmly to the parents, including asking them to move the house.
   
3. If that does not work, speak very firmly to the parents again explaining that you will contact social services if they do not seem to be able to control their own children without help.
   
4. Contact social services.

[TrulyTrulyTrulyOutrageous]

I would ring the police and ask them for suggestions/information about your rights and what they are able to do in these situations.

I would tell the parents
"I know I've spoken to you before, but I want to discuss the situation I'm having with your children.
My ds has asd and I have worked hard to provide a safe home environment for him. He has difficulties with xxx (just give a little bit of info about his particular challenges in case they have no idea what it means).
In the past week your children have X,y,z and my ds has been reduced to tears in our own property. I have done x, y,z and they have ignored me.
I will not tolerate this any longer. What are you doing to prevent them from tormenting my child?"
I'd be quite clear if I wasn't satisfied with their ideas and explain that my next step would be to involve the police (depending on what they told me when I rang).

[FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose]

Bloody hell OP, that's outrageous! Your poor ds. I'm feeling quite angry for you.

I would go round and speak to the parents - knock on the front door rather than catching them in passing or calling over the tarpaulin. Make it seem formal.

Tell them what pps have suggested including SS and police.

I'd be livid.

[legofansmum]

Thanks for all the suggestions again, I really appreciate it. Thankfully they went out early this morning. DS has been playing in the garden for ages without any issue. He has played with action men figures and been so happy. So sad that his quality of life can be disturbed by a 5 and 7 year old.
One positive is that on Wednesday they are off to Tenerife for 10 days. Countdown begins.

[Hillfarmer]

And the action you are going to take is....

[ohtheholidays]

With the cost for labor do you have any family or friends that would stick the fence up for you free of charge?

Also with you having anxiety OP have you got any family or friends that would tell the children off/have a word with your neighbours for you?

[TaraCarter]

Do not place a pond where a badly brought-up pair of young kids land! Five-year-olds and seven-year-olds are daft enough to carry on jumping off the roof despite the pond, and the consequences could be lethal. Should the worst happen, not only would the OP have to live with that, but there could be legal consequences.

The OP is well within her rights to demand that the parents get a grip and start parenting, but placing a water hazard is not the answer.

I would recommend that a great many posters should read this brief overview on the duty of care owed to trespassers (especially children) by landowners. It is a complex topic, but the TL;DR is "don't place dangerous objects where you know trespassers will be injured by it".

[OhWotIsItThisTime]

Build a snake pit.

[Twowrongsdontmakearight]

My grandmother had a vaguely similar problem with neighbours stepping into her patio area and borrowing her chairs when they had a late night BBQ. She got her gardener to buy manure to put on the roses and stored the rest by the adjoining wall. Could you put a loan of manure down where they jump over so that they keep landing in it?

[WeirdAndPissedOff]

Of course no-one should be placing hinge that could seriously injured or harm children, but mild irritants - nettles or thorns for example - in your own property I can't see a real problem with. As long as DS would know to avoid it, anyway.