I'm so upset with dh

[Namechangenora40]

It's my birthday tomorrow but we decided to celebrate yesterday due to kids being at school and him being at work.

I'm 37 weeks pregnant so I know I'm being very hormonal.

On Friday dh picked the kids up from school and took them into town to chose my birthday present. He bought me a scarf and a £10 voucher for SuperDrug. He gave me these on Saturday unwrapped.
The dc were worried and upset as they didn't get me anything. He was literally in town for 20 mins. He said he would take them sainsburys to get me a box of chocolates today.

Today has came, and he's made so many excuses to get out of going, asking me "what do you actually need from sainsburys" making me feel like he doesn't want to go. So I told him not to bother, took myself to the toilet and cried.

I'm so hurt. I made such an effort with his birthday with the little money I have. We bought balloons, cake and everything. I feel like no effort has been put in what so ever. We went for lunch yesterday but I had to go halves. Even though I paid for his birthday meal and Father's Day meal.

I really don't understand why he's been like this, every year he's made such an effort on my birthdays, Xmas and Mother's Day. I felt like a princess last year.

I ended up walking out with the kids and hobbled to town (I have extremely bad spd). I managed to give the kids £10 each so they could buy me something which they loved doing, which he could have easily done on Friday! I texted him if he could pick me up and he said no. So I had to pay for a taxi home as I couldn't physically move from a bench because of my hips.

I'm so angry and hurt. I just wanted to feel appreciated. 😪

[Autumnchill]

Really pleased you got your cake and such a nice one!

[Skittlesss]

Glad you got a good birthday, but would suggest addressing the refusal to pick you up. Perhaps he doesn't understand how painful SPD is.

You need to look after yourself. No walking in to town like that. It won't do you any good at all. I had SPD from early pregnancy with my son... he has just turned 4 and I am still suffering with no formal diagnosis/treatment from the NHS as they just can't figure it out - seen specialists, had investigative ops and it's still here.

[hellsbellsmelons]

I'm so glad he stepped up and you had a lovely cake.
You need to tell him you feel more often.
You'll be just fine!!

[CopperPot]

Didn't think you were having a go at all, was just adding that pregnancy hormones can make you go a little crazy over little things. Wasn't being blunt but maybe it read that way

[OurBlanche]

Huh? Maybe the last line in my post gives you a clue to the fact that I wasn't having a go at OP, just offering a bit of advice after she seemed to have worked herself up over nothing... either she has a chat with someone or she tells him not to be so good at surprises... works with pregnangy hormones as well as anxiety!

[CopperPot]

She's also 37 weeks pregnant so hormones play a big part in our behaviours

[OurBlanche]

OK. So you spent a couple of days ranting and venting about a man who had done nothing for your birthday. You were so upset that he hadn't given you a lift, he hadn't bought you a cake and you wouldn't wake up to cake, candles and singing... yet you told him to fuck off, re the lift, and you did wake up to cake, candles and singing.

Do you think that maybe you are carrying over a bit of anxiety from your previous relatinship? Do you thing you were a) unfair on him and b) very unfair on yourself to have worried over it so much when he obviously does take notice, he cares.

Either see someone about that anxiety or tell him you can't cope with him being very good at surprises. You owe that to both of you!

[GabsAlot]

glad u got a cake but hat about notpciking u up andmaking u get a cab

thats not a thoughful person-my dh has told me to fuck off many times but i wouldnt leave him stranded if he was struggling

[AnecdotalEvidence]

I'm glad he redeemed himself, but this
"He didn't pick me up because I told him to fuck off"
is just crap.
I'm assuming you told him to fuck off earlier, not when you actually phoned him to ask for a lift. He carried that resentment and refused you a lift to get back at you, despite the fact that you are in pain and carrying his unborn child. Even if he had still been highly pissed off with you, he still should have picked you up, because despite any argument, he still loves and cares for you.

[ineedwine99]

Glad it all worked out OP and you had a nice day

[ssd]

wow nice cake op!

and happy birthday!

[Dutchcourage]

shiny did you not say anything?

[shinynewusername]

YANBU. This happened to me this year. Nothing from DH. My DH is normally a generous & kind man but I was very hurt. I didn't want anything expensive - a couple of jokey little things to unwrap would have been fine. Still hurt now

[Namechangenora40]

It's from sainsburys 😂 I chose it months ago lol. Apparently he had bought it on the Friday and kept it at mils x

[Dutchcourage]

Wtf toga?? what an unpleaent baseless assumption.

Nice cake op!

[Namechangenora40]

😂😂😂 really?!

He's really not that type! He's so shy, embarrassed of his body, etc it took a year for him to be topless in front of me! No way would he go about shagging around. We've just bought a house.

I think he's scared because baby is getting closer. It's his first and he's terrified he won't be good enough

[Togaparties]

Sounds like he's checking out of the relationship to me. Wouldn't surprise me if he is/about to be shagging someone else.

[rollonthesummer]

He didn't pick me up because I told him to fuck off.

I can't get over the fact that he wouldn't pick up his hugely pregnant (with spd) partner! Presumably you told him to F off because he was being an arse?!

[ExcellentWorkThereMary]

Ive sadly got used to my thoughtless DH. He can rarely afford to buy me a birthday present as he spends all his money on himself, every year I remind him about my birthday because I genuinely think he would forget, he once asked if we were busy on the weekend of X date as he had been invited away with friends and there was nothing on the calendar (yes, X date being my birthday).

In the last I have thrown him surprise parties, bought thoughtful gifts, organised meals out, made photo cards on Moonpig with meaningful pictures (I get a card he will buy at the garage on the way home) - and I love doing it all because that is who I am and I love him. But it is hard when I know I will never get the same back. Mothers Day always the same.

I don't think he doesn't care about me specifically, he just doesn't do sentiment or romance. He doesn't even know when his parents birthdays are - I have to tell him every year. He makes no effort to learn. He never sends his parents cards on birthdays or mothers/Father's Day.

It's my birthday next month and I am in my yearly internal struggle of do I not mention it, he does nothing, then feels bad... Or dropping unsubtle hints... Or just telling him what to get me... How bad would it be for me to give him a £20 and tell him it is for the kids to spend on a present for me?! Bit grabby?! Lol

[CopperPot]

X post lovely cake. Happy birthday op!

[CopperPot]

A lot of men start showing their true colours once their wives/partners are pregnant so keep an eye out