Brave the shave

[MagnumAddict]

I am going to try and be sensitive when I explain my feelings because the last thing I want to do is upset anyone who is dealing with Cancer. I lost my Dad to it so have felt the devastation it brings. I've also had close family and friends come through it thankfully.

To be clear I respect anyone who raises money and awareness and I do as much as I can to support cancer charities. Have volunteered countless times doing all sorts but there is something about this campaign that I personally find upsetting and a bit... I don't know. I'm really struggling to put it into words.

I honestly don't want a bun fight. I'm prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable but what I'm really looking for is to question myself and understand my own feelings so thought it would be helpful to hear other people's opinions

[TSSDNCOP]

My sister text me from the waiting room of the oncologist last week to say there was a girl in there crying because she didn't want to lose her hair. Other patients bald and growing back were trying to comfort her.

I'm not sure that people shaving their heads would have made her feel any better, but obviously I don't know.

I do my my sister and my best friend lost every hair on their heads several times and would have regarded me with amazement if I'd volunteered to do the same. It's just not the same thing at all.

Seriously just how extreme does cancer awareness need to get?

[MagnumAddict]

uterus odd shoe day for people with Alzheimer's? I can't even begin to process that.

Thanks again everyone for your thoughts and for not turning this into a bun fight. I was nervous about posting such a sensitive topic on aibu.

Someone said up thread that it's about intentions, I believe that and I would never bash anyone for their efforts to raise money for cancer charities. Just this campaign really upset me that first night I saw it on TV for reasons I won't go into again, but I do wonder if McMillan did any kind of focus groups before running it? Or maybe people would be more likely to post on this particular thread if they have issues with it so not getting the full picture.

I wanted to say something to everyone who posted about their personal experience with cancer and those dealing with it but probably as useful as a shaved head.

You are all in my thoughts though (sorry for the cliche)

[pennycan]

I hate those adverts. I was diagnosed with cancer last year and didn't have chemo because my type doesn't react to it. It already feels as if some people don't think it was 'real' cancer because I Didn't look ill or lose my hair. Everyone's experience is different.

[MidniteScribbler]

A friend of mine has a teenage daughter who had cancer. A number of people in our sport did this as a fundraiser and it actually meant a lot to her.

We've also done the colour your hair to raise money when when we had a child at school with cancer, and a few teachers and students chose to shave, and nearly everyone else got their hair painted. It was actually a nice day for the school, raised quite a bit of money for the charity, and the child and family loved it. It was done in consultation with the parents though, we wouldn't have done it if they had felt at all uncomfortable about the situation.

I think it is a very personal thing and no one's reaction to it is wrong. Like anything, the intentions are what are important.

[Queenbean]

Actually the most trite one I saw was choc-ebruary or something which was a girl on my FB feed giving up chocolate for a month and asking to be sponsored for it!!

She kept a daily commentary of how hard it was for her. I was bizarrely pleased to see she only raised about £35 in the end.

[UterusUterusGhali]

The ice bucket challenge became ridiculous.
People didn't know why they were doing it and the videos I saw had people saying you had to do it OR donate.
So people were laughing away getting out of donating to the cause.

I hear you OP.
There's an "odd shoe day" campaign for altzhiemers which gives me the fucking rage, but I feel like a meanie for saying anything.
It's taking a horrible, horrible disease and making it about a glib generalisation.
Altzhiemers isn't being a bit goofy and forgetful, it's a deadly neurological condition. Ffs.

So, no. YANBU.

[MargotsDevil]

I'd like to send to everyone here who has lost family and friends to cancer. Our family and circle of friends have not been immune either.

But I'd also like to thank the OP for being brave enough to start this thread and an open discussion about the latest suggested stunt and others like it. I've long been wary and not always massively supportive of these campaigns. Dry January for example - I find it quite wrong that it is seen as a massive struggle and achievement to not have a glass of wine for a month - believe me I like my as much as anyone - and I refuse to donate to that particular campaign. The ice bucket was also a bit off to me - and has been said up thread - a mnd sufferer has no choice in how they feel just as a cancer sufferer has no choice about their hair.

This will probably out me but I was in a situation last year where a child known to me tragically died of a rare form of cancer. I donated approximately £100 to various fundraising events etc in the immediate aftermath of this but eventually started saying no - partly because I had other causes that I like to donate to who were suffering as a result - I'm not in a position to give that kind of money on an ongoing basis! This marked me out as some sort of uncaring and heartless bitch to many. To me it just summarised the issues that I increasingly have with the big charities and their approaches to fundraising.

[BeyondCymru]

Didnt hear people complain the ice bucket challenge was insensitive to people with mnd? Were you not on mn then?

[Queenbean]

Rebel that made me tear up, for you

Re the ice bucket challenge, I thought it totally lost the plot and stopped being about the charity and entirely LOOK AT MEEEEEEE. I feel that head shaving is the same. Ditto the "I will be spending a week hiking, please cover my costs" or some other feeble holiday dressed up as a challenge.

[Zarah123]

Magnum

Apologies, I missed the follow up posts on this thread. I'm glad the thread has helped you. I can fully empathise, my dad was brave for us too, till the very end. It's a huge shock to see your once-strong, vital dad reduced to a shell of his former self.

Sauvignon i had no idea that's what an op on the head looks like. I hope you're better now.

[Lweji]

The ice bucket challenge quickly went viral and lost the original point.

[RebelRogue]

I'm awfully grateful to anyone that donates,spreads awareness,participates in campaigns etc. But i see these people in the adds happy,smiling,proud, and my heart broke when i had to shave my dad...his did as well. Besides the hair,we had to shave his moustache off...he had it for more than 40 years,he managed to keep through military school,he had many arguments about it..it's silly i know but it was his pride and joy a bit. He lost a bit of himself that day. Fucking cancer

[Littleallovertheshop]

Rebel, for me that's it in a nutshell.

[Littleallovertheshop]

I understand donor fatigue and I understand fundraising. I like the charity, a lot. It doesn't mean I need to agree with every method they use to raise funds.

The ice bucket challenge was a donor led campaign that went viral. This is being pushed by the charity itself.

[RebelRogue]

I wonder if it's the fact that it's a choice that makes some people uncomfortable with the idea. A cancer patient has little to no choice in losing their hair,they have no choice but being brave. And for many(in my experience at least) the loss of hair is one more thing cancer took away for them,another blow.

[PizzaPower]

I'm currently dealing with cancer, and lost my hair again last week. (I lost it originally in Jan when on Chemo, some grew back while I had an operation, however I'm back on chemo as this didn't work).

I also should state, because I do realise that in these circumstances it does make a difference, but I am male, so in theory it should be easier to deal with.

OP, you certainly haven't upset me, far from it. I agree with many other suffers that have posted, it just doesn't feel right. Loosing you hair is a reaction to the drugs, not something you can choose.

When I lost mine for the first time I just sat their and cried, not because of the hair loss (I look like Dr Evil), but because it's yet another indication of what you are dealing with.

In some ways I find it very patronising, would it be appropriate to have a sponsored 'nail cut' for people who have lost their leg? Because from my point of view that's what it feels like.

Apologies for the rant (I'm blaming the Capecitabine). However Macmillan do a wonderful job, and if this does raise money for them then perhaps I should put my feelings to one side.

[IThinkIMadeYouUpInsideMyHead]

Remember the Ice Bucket Challenge? Some of the earliest symptoms can "result in a feeling of 'numbness' in the limbs and torso, which is where the ice-bucket challenge comes in – it is intended to simulate the sensation so that those who take part can experience one of the symptoms (to a much milder and very temporary extent)."

I didn't hear anyone complain that the ice-bucket challenge was insensitive to people with motor neurone disease. It raised awareness and a huge amount of money for research into the condition. The fact of the matter is that research and support services are not paid for by the NHS. Due to donor fatigue, charities need to find increasingly outrageous ways of meeting funding needs.

[IThinkIMadeYouUpInsideMyHead]

Remember the Ice Bucket Challenge? Some of the earliest symptoms can "result in a feeling of 'numbness' in the limbs and torso, which is where the ice-bucket challenge comes in – it is intended to simulate the sensation so that those who take part can experience one of the symptoms (to a much milder and very temporary extent)."

I didn't hear anyone complain that the ice-bucket challenge was insensitive to people with motor neurone disease. It raised awareness and a huge amount of money for research into the condition. The fact of the matter is that research and support services are not paid for by the NHS. Due to donor fatigue, charities need to find increasingly outrageous ways of meeting funding needs.

[IThinkIMadeYouUpInsideMyHead]

Remember the Ice Bucket Challenge? Some of the earliest symptoms can "result in a feeling of 'numbness' in the limbs and torso, which is where the ice-bucket challenge comes in – it is intended to simulate the sensation so that those who take part can experience one of the symptoms (to a much milder and very temporary extent)."

I didn't hear anyone complain that the ice-bucket challenge was insensitive to people with motor neurone disease. It raised awareness and a huge amount of money for research into the condition. The fact of the matter is that research and support services are not paid for by the NHS. Due to donor fatigue, charities need to find increasingly outrageous ways of meeting funding needs.

[Sunnymeg]

I too have lost hair to chemotherapy. I find the use of the word 'brave' to be condescending to those of us who have lost our hair whilst fighting cancer. I think the fundraising idea to be misguided at best. Mind you, until I found this thread, I was convinced that I was the only one to feel like this. I totally agree with Capsicumcat's comments.

[Numberoneisgone]

One of my colleagues in work did it for a family member she had lost to cancer. I think it was a pretty huge deal and tbh for a woman to shave off her hair in our society is a deal and not something many women would do but everyone is different. Her hair was long and beautiful.

[SauvignonBlanche]

What a God-awful campaign!

I only 'braved' a partial shave for my brain tumour, I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else though.

[Lweji]

I think it can be a nice idea among a group of friends so that when out and about the one who lost their hair through cancer doesn't stand out. Only if the one with no choice feels happy about it.

But not as a random thing.

[CapsicumCat21]

Also what Littleallovertheshop said.

[CapsicumCat21]

Oh I hadn't heard of this campaign but no. As other's have said it feels all a bit self serving.

I lost my hair through chemo two years ago. If anyone had offered to shave their head in the name of 'solidarity' or any other reason I'd have been unhappy. It actually seems very patronising 'I've shaved my head so I know how you feel'. Well no, no you don't. You won't live with the constant uncertainty. Will I get better? Will I survive this? Will my hair ever grow back? How will the treatment affect me? When can I go back to my normal life?

Actually losing my eyelashes was the worst bit. It isn't until they go that you realise how vital they are for keeping gunge and infection out of your eyes (six styes was a particular low point)

Since my recovery I've done Race for Life's to raise money. Much more worthwhile and anything which improves the nation's fitness must be good.As well as raising money it's all about taking back control of my life. I've taken up running and pilates. I've got fit. I eat healthily. But shaving my head. No.