To feel like shit

[Moomoomango]

We live in an affluent area on a very middle class street in a house converted ground floor flat. We could not afford to live here had my dear dad not helped us out. He helped us to live here as he realised how important it was for me to be close to family as I was 23, pregnant and caring for my disabled OH. I needed family support. Once the baby was born I suffered severe Pnd.


Anyway today I found out when we first moved in (almost 5 years ago) the people opposite us started gossiping with other members in the street that having the baby was the result of a mistaken fumble and that we'd never last. She didn't know us from Adam. My oh got a disabled bay outside our house put in by local authority as ha cannot walk far, we have no off road parking and it's a cul de sac full of cars. I learnt today they all started meeting to discuss how awful it would be for the road and how we've tarred the street. Not one person spoke to us about it - they just had secret meetings about it.

Following the birth of my baby - severe pnd - breastfeeding on demand - no one else to kelp out with meals - we ate a lot of Chinese Ta. Apparently they now all joke about us being fat and living off take always. We've not had take away for years now but still the rumours and jokes persist.

I feel awkward living here now. I feel like we are the butt of the streets cruel whispers and like absolute shit. My self esteem and confidence has taken a nose dive,

We do claim benefits - for disability and caring and I also work part time.

We have little money, very rarely new clothes - but we are good, kind, decent people. But I feel so looked down on.


Aibu to feel so shit? Should I just forget it - they are only neighbours we never talk to after all? But for some reason I feel really low :( I can't shake the feeling we don't belong here

[OllyBJolly]

I think this has all been blown out of proportion. I agree one or two people can be nasty, but a whole street? People are too busy and not that interested.

You also have to be careful about what people tell you. How many people, me included, say nothing rather than get into an argument.Evil neighbour: "Number 27 gets a takeaway every single night! Isn't that outrageous?" Me - say nothing or change subject. Evil Neighbour - Olly agrees with me must tell next person that we ALL think it's outrageous.

Really, it's a not important in the grand scheme of things. And your "kept woman" comment touched a nerve with me. Is it possible that you are projecting your own judgyness on to everyone else? Because most people have enough of their own issues to get caught up in anyone else's minutiae.

[junebirthdaygirl]

Things may have been said once or twice and she has bundled it all into one big story. I may say one thing about my neighbour one day and never say it again and completely forgot l ever said it. But if someone choose to be nasty and repeat that it would sound far worse. Forget the stuff. You are there for your family. They just happen to live there too. Smile when you see them. Help in little ways if you can. Otherwise get on with your own life and make sure you are not gossiping about them. This may all h Ave happened ages ago when they didn't know ye but things are different now.

[kawliga]

I feel sorry for you OP, you've been dragged into a ridiculous drama by your 'friend'. Life's too short to get mixed up in nonsense, and nonsense like this can soon become the most important thing in your life if you don't resist it. Do not get drawn in. It will not end well.

[Pinkheart5915]

To be honest the person that told you was out of order it was years ago, maybe you should get her a spoon as a leaving gift so she can continue to stir her pot in her new home.

[branofthemist]

Sometimes people don't know what the usual accepted phrase is and cause unintended offence.

How about sahm? Or 'she doesn't work outside the home' or even...'she is at home a lot'

And where is the 'attack'?

You may want to be mean about people who have been mean to you. But it makes you exactly the same as them, so can't complain really. Besides which it may not even be true.

[pussinasda]

just a thought op, but do you think your friend may have been gossipping about you and now shes moving shes told you a load of lies about the neighbours so you dont speak to them and find out shes been talking about you

[WeekendAway]

She says they do claim benefits for disability and caring and if she works part time she possibly gets wtc and ctc as well. And daddy bought her a house to live in in a posh road so she wouldn't have to slum it with the other poor people.

And she has the cheek to use the phrase 'kept woman' about a SAHM whose partner probably pays the tax that pays her carers allowance?

I had sympathy for her until she showed herself to be no better than the people she's complaining about.

[Alibobbob]

Your soon to be ex neighbour has told you you were the subject of gossip 5 years ago when you moved in and the neighbours are still regurgitating the same nonsense/gossip?

I understand this is really hurtful weather it's true or not BUT you are not the person you were 5 years ago. You have changed and achieved so much.

The ex-neighbour should have kept her mouth shut what a horrible thing to do/say. You will probably never know if what she said is true I would try to brush off her comments as just another bitchy neighbour. Take the opportunity to get to know your new neighbour and the other neighbours.

You know your child wasn't the result of a drunken fumble and is well loved and cared for.

[Itriedtodohandstandsforyou]

Weekend away, op has said she doesn't live off benefits but works part time. I do think 'kept woman' comment sounds a bit judgey (sp?) though.

[Itriedtodohandstandsforyou]

I agree with Liara's comment earlier. This is gossip about gossip and prob all bollocks anyway.

[gobbin]

Takes two to tango. What effort have you made to get to know your neighbours? Don't tell me you're stuck in the house 24/7 because I wouldn't believe you, even in your trying circumstances.

[Whiterosesandlilies]

I think it is a bit much to attack OP for using the phrase kept woman. Sometimes people don't know what the usual accepted phrase is and cause unintended offence.
Even if OP was meaning to be a bit critical that is hardly surprising when she feels rounded on by her neighbours. It is completely normal to feel meanly towards someone who has been mean to you. I bet most/ all people have used a derogatory term about someone they feel badly treated by,
oP is having a tough time. Cut her some slack.

[branofthemist]

What a strange situation.

Firstly your 'trusted source' must have been there when these conversations happened. Did she tell them they were being shits? Or counter what they were saying?

I am pretty sure the whole street is not full of people who actually cares what you do. So if it did happen it maybe one or two.

Why did your trusted source feel you need to know this?

Referring to her as a 'kept woman' is actually very rude and shows you have formed you own negative opinions on her without knowing her. The same as they have done to you.

My kitchen was at the front, we just moved it. I work from home. I am in the kitchen most of the day and evening. It's just where everything is going on. I can't tell you what the neighbours are up to or how often the have takeaway. Just because she is in the kitchen all day does not mean she is taking one bit of notice of you.

[WeekendAway]

It's a bit rich referring to your neighbour as a kept woman when you live on benefits and in a house bought and paid for by your dad.

And you know all about how your neighbour spends her day by looking through her window?

You are starting to sound a it paranoid to be honest.

[allegretto]

Your source is not your friend. Pnd can make you a bit paranoid. Your neighbours very probably don't even think about you.

[LiveLifeWithPassion]

How petty of your neighbours. They sound horrible.
You've done nothing wrong so just completely ignore it.
As a pp said, focus on your own life and family to be as happy as you can be.

[AvonleaAnne]

Take this as proof that you are better people than your neighbours, as I doubt you have been wasting your time gossiping maliciously about them. Focus on your family and the things that make you happy. It is too easy to be dragged down by people like this.

Just out of interest by 'kept woman' do you mean SAHM? I am fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with my children but I'm not a kept woman! The definition of a kept woman is a long-term mistress - I would hate you to end up being mean about your neighbour by accident.

[Ditsy4]

I would try and rise above it. They obviously don't have much else going on in their lives. If they are that nasty then you don't want to know them. I would play them at their own game. Obviously take in a bag of good flour, a cake tin, veg in a box, a quality bag from a good butcher if there is one near by then use it all the time so she thinks that is where you buy your meat from! If they are watching you give them something to watch which contradicts what they have said.
We observed that our next door neighbour gets a take away every week...I thought sensible girl wish I had done that when I had babies. When my other half is home we either have one or go out once a week now. I used to go out once or twice a year when the kids were small.
You sound a bit low just now make sure you get out and have a bit of fun with your friends or OH. You sound a lovely person so just try and forget those petty neighbours. I do wonder why she told you. She could have just mentioned one thing but so much information is cruel. Perhaps she really likes you and regrets being part of it and is now unburdening herself.

[WorldsBiggestGrotbag]

You lost me at 'she's a kept woman'. Sounds like you're pretty nasty about your neighbours too. I'm a SAHM to a 2.5 year old and an 11 month old (and I bake), so I'm a kept woman, yes?

[dudsville]

It doesn't matter whether you and your family "deserved" this criticism or not, it's not about what you ate. It's petty behavior. You are defending choices you made for your family. None of their business.

[Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies]

OP, you are upset about gossip - and then you describe your neighbour as a a 'kept woman' .

[TheWildOnes]

Op your neighbours sound like assholes, you do what you have to and get by. Remember when it comes to people's opinions, those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind.

[Moomoomango]

Thank you for your responses .. Interesting what you say about she must be taking part in these conversations to know what was said! The people opposite have there kitchen facing the road - she's a kept woman who's always baking and they are always sitting neatly at the kitchen table doing homework / eating dinner so I can
See how she has gathered All this information on us. My other neighbour wouldn't know this information (take always) as her living accommodation is at the back and bedrooms at front - she lives in a bungalow. She also works a lot. It leads me
To believe that rumours and gossip are going on... But I have no proof of course. Thank you all for giving me strength to
Hold my head high - l hate feeling so worthless because part income is benefits and we are "poor". I would love to move but my dad won't sell this place, and we'd have no option of getting a decent place else where in our area. House prices here are so
High and to move we'd be cutting our nose off to spite our face! We really are lucky and I'm very greatful but I do feel like the scum of the street. But if they only got to know us maybe their perceptions would change.

[mumofthemonsters808]

They sound very strange, most people are too busy getting on with their own lives to monitor their neighbours lifestyle. I'm unsure about the reliability of your information source, because even if I knew the whole area detested you I wouldn't part with this information because it achieves nothing.Id take this with a pinch of salt.So hold your head high, shoulders back and remember even if this information is true, these people's opinion of you is insignificant.

[TSSDNCOP]

Well your source was part of these nasty conversations wasn't she?

Even if she didn't participate she didn't speak up to contradict or stop the gossips.

I say ignore. You have a nice flat and a little family. Rise above the alleged comments of strangers.