Husband's new bank account

[becrock22]

My husband and I had a deal - if he sold his caravan, he could have some money from our mortgage and use the caravan money and mortgage money to buy a boat. He sold his caravan last week. Instead of putting the money into one of our joint accounts, he has opened a different account, at a different bank and put it there. It is only in his name. He didn't tell me about this, he only told me when I questioned where the money was.

I can't quite put my finger on why, but this has made me quite uncomfortable. I'm a bit mad at him! Makes me wonder if there is other money hidden somewhere etc. I have no reason to think this.

AIBU to think the money should be somewhere we can both 'see' and he shouldn't have bank accounts that I don't know about? (or am only told about when I ask specific questions).

[xMumToTwox]

Maybe he wanted the money away from the usual accounts so he cant be tempted to spend it early?

I have an account in my own name that we use to put money aside that is for something specific, so that its not part of the joint balance. If we left it in the joint one, it'd make us feel like we have more spare cash than we do and we'd end up spending more than we should!

Perhaps he got a good interest rate too?

[gooddinosaur]

It's not that much trouble to open a new bank account, especially if you have one already. They share information so I've been able to open accounts online and not supply any ID, they get the information automatically from a database and you're approved instantly. I didn't even need to visit a branch.

[Osirus]

He is being evasive and joking because you are being overbearing and controlling. The money, with the agreement of you both, has been assigned to a purchase. It makes perfect sense to keep it separate and if the boat will be his, nothing wrong with him having it in an account in his own name. Do you ever go back on agreements? Maybe he thinks you might withdraw the money if it is in a joint account?

[clarrrp]

You have to go to a fair amount of trouble to open a new bank account at a new bank what with ID checks etc.

I opened 2 new bank accounts in the last year - one for my daughter where I only had to provide her birth certificate and hospital card, and one for myself where I had to provide photo id (driver licence) and proof of address (happened to have a bank statement in my bag_)

[KP86]

Miraclebaby, off topic, but why couldn't you have a joint account because you were both working? Genuinely curious!

[Cabrinha]

For this incident I think YABU.

I'd be far more concerned over what you dropped it later / that he thinks it's funny to lie to you about whether the boat has been bought or not, where the money is. I'm good humoured enough but I wouldn't like that shit. Lying and power play dressed up as a joke.

If I was ill and going to have to look after my ill child, my fiancé would cancel his weekend plans. (although I may tell him not to)
My XH would not have.

[amarmai]

For me,it wd be the fact that he's aid nothing before or after and when you askedhe still did not explain.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

You have to go to a fair amount of trouble to open a new bank account at a new bank what with ID checks etc.

Personally, I wouldn't go to that trouble just to hold some money I was planning to spend in full very soon.

Especially if the alternative were to put it in an offset account against my mortgage, thus saving me a nice wodge of interest.

YANBU to find it odd.

[Dolphinsanddinosaurs]

YANBU. It is clearly, as you have said, the lack of communication that is bothering you, not where he has put the money, and I can see why you feel the way you do. The evasion would really irritate me, is he often like that?

[KatieKaboom]

I don't see the problem.

I'm not a fan of 100% shared finances, though.

[MyMurphy]

Will you and your kids not be allowed on "his" boat? Surely its the families boat?

[IWILLgiveupsugar]

It's not double standards clarrrp. We are talking about a couple who have joint finances here, not a couple who historically keep their money apart. It wouldn't occur to me to keep the profits of a sale separate from my dh and secretly create a new account, when I could have used an existing dormant one. Or even better, used it to gain interest and reduce the mortgage.
Particularly when joint money will be used to top up in order to buy the boat.

In my house though, we consider things like cars and caravans to be ours rather than his or mine and any new big purchases would also be ours regardless of where the money came from to buy it.

[branofthemist]

Essentially you knew he has the money. He didn't pretend he had put it in one account or lie. He just opened a new account.

I wouldn't care.

But im you last posting suggest this isn't what you are really bothered about.

People can only help if you tell them what the issue really is

[becrock22]

I think the crux of it is, he didn't tell me. I'm not really bothered where the money is. I am bothered he didn't communicate with me. I think it's been a tough week and we have hardly seen eachother and this has upset me because he has form for not telling me things or communicating clearly. He is off on a boys weekend leaving me unwell with an unwell toddler after him spending a lot of the week not at home (mostly for reasonable things) so maybe I was overreacting.

Thanks all, I am off to bed.

[branofthemist]

But he didn't lie. You knew he sold the caravan, so you knew the money was somewhere. It's not like he pretended he didn't sell it.

Why does it matter where it is? If it was his in his sock drawer would you feel better.

I always keep money that is for a purpose separate to everyday money.

I am saving for dds birthday. Each week some money goes into a separate account. I actually have no idea of dh even knows I do that. I can't see why he would care.

[TheNaze73]

YABU

[ChrissyEighty]

Ongoing, is this account going to be for the running of the boat?

I can see how it would be easier to maintain a separate account to keep track of an expenditure like this, especially if it it 'his' boat.

[clarrrp]

OP I think you have to talk to him. I'd tell him I wanted to transfer it to the mortgage account to save money.

His reaction will tell you what you want to know.

If the gender roles here were reversed and a woman had sold one of her possessions and put the money aside in her own account and her man said he wanted her to put it into the joint finances then we would all sit here and bleat about how he was being controlling. Talk about double standards.

[clarrrp]

okay, just to make sure I'm getting this right - you said in your first post that it was HIS caravan, so the money from the sale is HIS? Correct?

Then you said that you had BOTH agreed that he could withdraw additional money from your mortgage to buy a boat but that he hasn't done that yet.

So the only money that he has set aside is his money. I really don't see the issue here. I mean, so what if he has an account you don't have access too. I think every couple should maintain their own accounts even if they have a joint one too. I've seen far too many people screwed over and left high and dry because they ONLY had a joint account.

It seems like he's just set aside this money somewhere it wouldn't accidentally get spent.

At the end of the day if it;'s his money he can do what he likes with it so long as he's still paying his share of household stuff.

[gooddinosaur]

I've opened numerous accounts without bothering to tell DH, we tend to keep our banking separate (although finances are shared) so it never occurred for me to. It doesn't necessarily have to be suspicious - I just find it handy to split different saving/spending goals into different accounts, and it's incredibly easy to open new accounts these days - most of the time it's all done in a few clicks online.

[becrock22]

No. He is earning interest, but less than we would save if the money was in our mortgage.

[BarbaraofSeville]

Is he earning extra interest by having a separate account?

I have savings in several current accounts all in my sole name, to maximise interest. I consider most of it 'our' money but they are in my name for simplicity. DP is not really interested in finances and is also skeptical of my 'money laundering' operation and takes the opinion that if he knows nothing and nothing is in his name they will only come after me (I'm not really money laundering obviously but I do move the money around different accounts to meet minimum monthly funding requirements).

We also have the joint account, that is used for bills and all earnings go into.

[becrock22]

He said that he wanted it elsewhere and that it wasn't a big deal. Said he didn't lie because I didn't ask. He thought it was funny and can't understand why I am crabby. I don't either really! He thinks it is funny to be evasive (drives me insane) so kept telling me different stories - he has already bought a boat, he is getting one built, it's in a term deposit, it's not. All this was honestly a joke and I am not concerned he is leaving me or anything like that.

We aren't in the UK so that 75k thing doesn't apply.

Yes, we share everything. We have separate credit cards, but they are paid off from our joint account, all our income goes into the joint account, we own property, cars etc jointly.