DH is on a health kick and it's doing my head in

[DuvetDayEveryday]

When we met he was a gym goer and had big arms and rippling abs. Nine years later he is still fit but has a more lean physique and his abs have all but disappeared.

So, having hit the big four-oh, he's decided to sort his body out. He had a Fitbit and is obsessed with his step count, calories in and out, sleep quality, everything. I have one too and I feel like a complete fat lump next to him. He averages 15k steps a day, I average about 3k.

He's been off work this week and at random moments he jumps up and does twenty press ups, or planks for two minutes. He's constantly on at me to come out for a walk when I'm quite happy lounging on the sofa.

He's now bought a pull up bar for the garage door and keeps reading me articles from the Internet about callisthenics and the fat content of certain foods.

I love him to the ends of the earth but he is doing my head in. It's a constant reminder of how unfit I am (I'm a good four stone heavier than when we met and a lot unheathlier). He isn't trying to make me feel bad but he is. I don't need catsbumfaces from him when I take three biscuits from the tin or eat cheesy chips for lunch. Neither do I need a constant stream of info from him about good fats and high salt contents or the benefits of 10k steps a day.

Aibu? (I suspect I possibly am).

[Marynary]

YANBU. It's good to keep fit but it sounds as if he makes a big deal out of it. DH is fit but he always has been as cycles at least 20 miles each day and does a lot of running. I would hate it if he made a big deal out of it as I probably don't manage many steps at all in a day (disabled to some extent). 3 K sounds quite a lot to me.

[GinBunny]

YANBU OP, I feel your pain. I've lost 2 stone in the last year on SW and have been asking DH to join in as he needs to lose a bit too. He's decided to join in now and is driving me nuts, mainly because I'm slipping and can't nick his snacks anymore!
Here's and for us both, to scoff while they're not looking

[HappyNevertheless]

I agree with MistressDee too.

I'm not really sure what sort of kick the posters on here are getting by telling the OP she is unhealthy and should get her acts together and get to the gym.
That sounds very self righteous to me and I would actually suggest that some of these posters have unhealthy habits of their own anyway... (Not the least because what is actually healthy to do isn't actually a clear cut thing anyway).

I am very keen in diet and eating well. I will talk about it, but will never ask my DH or the dcs to follow what I do to the letter. I am better with no dairy, I don't go on and on to DH about the fact he should be stopping dairy too.

[Topseyt]

MistressDee, well put. That is exactly my point.

The other thing is that my DH is a very competitive person. He will compete with himself if there is no one else!! He would have me trying to compete with him, and I just can't, me being a short arse and him being 6 foot 2.

Better we get our exercise separately if we are going to do it (we do).

[LaurieLemons]

My DP does exactly this, random push ups or runs round the block several times a day! It exhausts me just looking at him! We are probably both being unreasonable though and should stop being so lazy.

[KatieKaboom]

I too am the fitness bore in my family (though my husband, who doesnt do much exrfcise, will piss me off by doing twenty perfect pressups now and then).

I completely get how dull it must be for the other.

Luckily, while I yammer about protein and reps and DOMS, my husband is yammering on in a parallel monologue about football.

Can't you just outbore him?

[Thelittleredhead]

Gently, YABU.

It actually sounds like he's behaving in exactly the way he'd be advised to behave by people on here (or similar) were he to say "my wife has gained a lot of weight since we met. I still love her but the spark has gone a bit and I'm worried about her health". People would be advising him to encourage an interest in losing weigh together rather than telling you outright.

Of course, I could be projecting. It's what I wish my exP had done instead of telling me I wasn't sexy any more after I gained a stone when I was depressed following an abortion, and then cheating on and dumping me because "the spark had gone from my eyes" and "my weight was affecting our sex life".

[blitheringbuzzards1234]

Adding to my earlier comment, I'd be a bit peeved if I was in your shoes but maybe (despite him being irritating) he sees that you have a problem, he wants to get fit too and this is his way of getting you to join in.

I'd be much more upset if he prodded me in the stomach and laughed, "Oi fatty!" So try not to get too upset at his gentler approach. Why not join in with good grace - you have much to benefit.

[IWILLgiveupsugar]

Boring the OP to death with constant talk about calories and number of steps isn't attractive to her either.

[TheNaze73]

YABU. You met him under those circumstances, so knew what was important to him. Flip it, would you rather be on here, saying he doesn't take care of himself, he's no stranger to the dessert trolley & you find him unattractive, like another post I just read?

[IWILLgiveupsugar]

It's boring when someone bangs on about their hobby all the time. Just because his is fitness it doesn't make it more acceptable than if it was fly fishing, in which case you'd all tell him to stfu!
The OPs weight/food choices/exercise levels are just that - hers. She doesn't need to be constantly badgered about them or have constant value judgements made about her by her partner.

Nothing more boring than a health nut. They are worse than ex smokers. Yes, it's great to get fit, not great to talk about it (or anything else) obsessively.

[HackerFucker22]

Getting healthy / losing weight is all about timing and no amount of shaming, passive agressive comments, gentle encouragement, jovial digs etc is going to make the OP more successful in her 'journey' not suggesting her husband is being PA just speaking in a general sense. Losing weight has to be for the right reasons

Does the OP even want to lose weight and get fit?

I am currently 2.5st overweight and have been to-ing and fro-ing with it for a year. Yet years ago I lost 3st easily and without struggle (took 8m so wasn't 'quick') but my mind was in the right place.

[SueTrinder]

I guess it depends how bad it is and how much is you feeling slightly guilty for not working on your own fitness.

Pushups when watching TV is annoying but sitting in a yoga pose can be nice and less annoying for you, maybe encourage him to improve his flexibility by doing the cobbler pose or hero pose while Corrie is on.

I think going for a walk with him would be good for you if you aren't doing enough steps (no fucking idea how many steps I do because I swim as exercise every day so don't wear a fitbit so no judgement there) and that kind of gentle exercise would be good for your mental health as well. Ditto eating a bit healthier, have some nuts instead of crisps, dried fruit with your chocolate, wine instead of beer and a Solero instead of a Magnum. Baby steps will help but you probably know that already since you've lost such a lot of weight already.

[blitheringbuzzards1234]

I can understand how damn annoying it is when one partner wants to get fit and has become a bit obsessed about it- and the other is quite content not to join in but if as you say you could lose a bit of weight why not try to join him in some of the less strenuous exercises?
The pay-off for you is to lose at least some of your excess weight and you would feel better for it. The getting started bit is always difficult. Why not devise a healthy eating regime which you could share?
Put your irritation to one side and join in. In a years time when you're slimmer and fitter you'll be glad you did. Don't let the fact that your partner thought of it first get to you.

[branofthemist]

Yabu. Your issue isn't that he is a food bore. It's that it's making. You feel bad. If you were genuinely happy, you wouldn't care what he was doing.

I am the fit one in this family. Dh is slim but has not interest in having a six pack and things like that. Me eating healthily doesn't bother him, me talking about some new info doesn't bother him either.

Just like when he talks about his interests it doesn't bother me, even though it's not my bag.

[MistressDeeCee]

I just can't stand people who seek to impose their way of doing stuff on others, or use it to imply criticism even if their intention is to motivate.

I agree

Fine if you want to do a hobby, or a health kick. Not fine to yap on and on and on about it including tedious facts. Id not want to listen to that constantly. I had this with ex DP when he went on a major health kick - the thing is I was happy enough to join him in some things but for him, that was not ENOUGH - I had to be into exercise and food obsessing to the same level as he was. He progressed to fasting once, then twice a week and would be really annoyed if I wouldnt join him. Its controlling. As if I only had value when I did as he did

Re OP being overweight - its possible seeing DH getting fit would inspire her soon enough to take part in some ways. But when someone's being self-rrighteous and tedious going on about it 24/7 (God, I remember the boring food and exercises facts looong convos lectures ) it really can have the opposite effect.

& there's nothing to say joining in will stop the nagging -(not that I think nagging is the right way to approach things if you'd like your partner to lose some weight) it could be that you will be expected to match your regime, exercise output, food intake exactly to his and if you don't, you'll be met with disapproval which isn't a nice feeling at all. Back to square one..

[BillSykesDog]

In the nicest possible way, I think it could be genuine concern. I mean, you might be happy but there are health risks like diabetes, heart disease and cancer which generally you would like the person you love to avoid.

And TBH, I think he is following pretty textbook advice given to men about helping a partner in this sort of situation. Eg not making personal comments but encouraging healthier lifestyle and diet choices.

[AnnieOnnieMouse]

It's not the diet and fitness, tho, is it, it's the performance diet and fitness!
I'm in the same boat as EnidButton on this, although today I did walk from the car park to the hospital, and back again - didn't have to get dh to drop me at the door, like usual. I must have walked half a mile!
OP, I hope you can KOKO with the progress you are making, and that your dh gets a bit less in your face - I know how undermining it can be.

[CakeNinja]

Wow, you're 3K steps is quite shocking tbf! Although I only know this as I am now a Fitbit bore! Got really into the gym a couple of years ago and now it pains me to not move lots. Came on holiday last weekend and am absolutely desperate to get home and go for a run, could kick myself for not bringing my trainers and kit.
Move more, eat less if you want to change yourself. A lot of your post actually comes across as being a bit jealous that he's making positive changes.
Here's my last weeks Fitbit steps!
Sunday was my worst day as spent most of the day swimming at the pool and beach so couldn't wear it

[EveOnline2016]

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3609355/Obese-mother-lost-SEVEN-stone-reveals-incredible-transformation-bodybuilding-shows.html

It's not him is it.

[Sellingyesterdaysnews]

Cheesey chips...what the hell?!
YABU
I was lazy and eating unhealthily now I am healthy eating and feel well and losing weight it's much better!
Be healthy together!

[Topseyt]

My DH tends to do this sort of thing. He gets bees in his bonnet about it and they tend to buzz rather too loudly for my liking.

I have no problem with someone being on a health kick. I do have a problem with how my DH goes about it though. It is in a blowing his own trumpet "look how good and virtuous I am" sort of way which seems designed to make anyone not following the same routine feel inadequate.

I am working on losing weight, and I have a fair bit to lose. I am modifying my diet, cutting out most of the crap such as crisps and chocolate and reducing portion sizes. I walk quite a lot with the dog, who is my companion for it although it hasn't helped that he (dog) is getting old now and has been ill recently, so we have had to cut back a bit.

I just can't stand people who seek to impose their way of doing stuff on others, or use it to imply criticism even if their intention is to motivate.

[araiba]

if you want to be fat lazy and unfit, thats your choice

dont let anyone tell you otherwise

[Pilesofironing]

It's the same here. DH was dangerously overweight and lost 5 stone. He is obsessed with calorie intake and gets up at 6 to go to the gym. Meanwhile I have gained weight - a lot of weight - eating extra as a kind of "I'll eat what I want" teenage petulance.
I have only hurt myself as I now squeeze into size 18s. I have now started going to the gym, although I am not getting up at 6!
So although YANBU about his droning on being annoying, YABU to complain about his health kick. Go and get involved too. You will feel better and it will stop his nagging.

[HelenaDove]

Ive r been going to SW for the last 3 years and have lost a 4 stone regain in that time. (of the 10 stone i originally lost) DH eats hot dogs victoria sponge magnums (the cheap supermarket version) jaffa cakes bourbon biscuits egg custard tarts (yuk) choc ices etc but i would never dream of saying anything.

Its controlling.