To think that this woman overreacted to a man taking a pic of his DGD.

[JenniferYellowHat1980]

DD (6) does gymnastics at a big gym attached to an equally big sort play centre, which forms a big part of the viewing area through windows between the two. It's a class of 25 or so, but split into smaller groups of about 5. I was watching DD on the beam through the window, along with a few other people with DCs in the same group. I was at the Hedrin thread a bit distracted at the time, and didn't notice until one of the mums made an issue of it that the man next to me had taken a photo of his DGD on the beam. She was arsey about him taking photos of her DD and (understandably I think) he got on the defensive. She said there was a poster stating that no photos were allowed and went around me to point them out, only to find those posters were about something else. She then said she was going to report him and literally flounced off to do so.

The poor kid at reception then got dragged in to ask the man not to take photos - obviously he'd already done so and had only taken a pic of his DGD anyway - and point out that the gym's policy does not allow photos. There was no poster by where we were viewing from though, and unless he's been into the reception / changing area he probably hadn't seen any.

I think he was a bit ill advised taking pics in that situation but largely because of the potential for over reactions like this. He and the woman with him clearly had the care of their DGD and frankly if he'd inadvertently captured my DD in her leotard (arms covered, legs exposed) my first thought would not be 'I must challenge that potential paedophile'.

I remarked to the grandparents afterwards that I thought it was a massive overreaction and they were clearly upset. They said they don't see their DGD often and it had obviously spoilt their morning.

FFS, the gym has a semi-public viewing gallery. AIBU to think that if she couldn't just have quietly made a judgement herself about what they were doing, she could have had a private word with the gym proprietor, who was around, to ask her to police the gym's policy so that it could've been done with a bit of discretion and tact? The whole incident just screamed Daily Mail paedo alert at a granddad who just hadn't seen the signs about photography and probably went away feeling a bit grubby.

[DownUnderBound]

I'm sorry but I have to agree. There is two mums at my DD school who live in the women's refuge behind my house. They have been forced to leave their homes, move miles, change DC school and hide from violent partners. They also have had problems with mums putting pictures on social media, one got into the paper for some reason or another. One of the violent dad's saw this and tracked them down. I'm not saying this is always the case, but you really never do know.

[Frazzledmum123]

Ok this will be my last post as we are obviously never going to agree and I won't be bullied into thinking I am doing something wrong but I would just like to clarify a couple of things

**I don't know so neither does anyone else looking at the picture, that's the point, nobody knows who in the crowd goes there daily and who goes once in a blue moon

No someone doesn't know for sure but do you think that would stop someone trying their luck and looking in the area of they spotted someone they were looking for. Yes it would be harder to see but not impossible so there is always a slight risk however unlikely.

**And I don't upload them on social media anyway

Sigh. Neither do I, I have said that at least twice

**Im not worried about what people will think, I am worried about what will actually happen

I don't upload the pictures. Therefore nothing will happen will it? It's just what people will think of me taking them I'm not worried about

leopard - I'm sorry that your foster child gets excluded, that is sad and unfair I totally agree. If I was asked in a school setting to not take a picture, I wouldn't. Like I said I would be upset but I would comply - I don't think those rules are 'tosh' and I don't find those RULES hard to follow thanks screenshotting. The only time I have ever taken a picture where told not too was on holiday by the pool where I had taken my waterproof with me and saw the signs after getting in. I took my child to a part where no one else was and took one of him swimming, I would not have done so if someone else got in the shot. School settings are different because I'd be unlikely to get a pic of just my child. And just as a side, when I've taken pictures at toddler groups (where there are no rules btw) I always angle the pic so if at all possible only my child is in it, it makes for a better pic anyway and I have no desire to have a pic of someone else's child (unless a friend of ours obviously)

So what I am saying is, I will continue to take my photos unless I am asked not to and I will do so without worrying. If a child is at risk then it's their guardian's responsibility to ask the setting to not allow it not mine to always assume there will be a problem. If the setting said not to, I would obey. Some people might not and by all means hate them, ban them do whatever you want but that is NOT ME. You've taken my comments and turned them round as if I regularly take pictures of other people's kids even when asked not to and then splashed them all over social media!!! Ridiculous if you actually read what I wrote

[grannytomine]

Screenshotting if people can find children online then they could find them in various people's photos on the same beach week in week out. Also lots of big attractions do annual tickets which local families use. In my family I have a pass for the local zoo and go there alot with grandchildren after school and they could easily feature in other people's photos between 4 and 5 in the afternoon, their parents have a pass for the water park, in the summer they are there a couple of times a week.

If people who shouldn't see the children can find them in someone's FB account they can find them doing these other activities. They might be one offs for the visitors but not the locals. We do have foster children on the coast as well.

[TwatbadgingCuntfuckery]

Well being of the child must trump a parents desire to take photos.

The best thing for a vulnerable child is to allow them to become a part of the world they live in not stop them from doing certain activities. It's unfair.

Banning photos in school is reasonable. I'd back that 100%. Zero tolerance policies should be enforceable like stopping a parent who breaks the rules from attending plays.

[leopardgecko]

so you don't mind that people have to quesiton whether their child can take part in the school event at all because of people like you who think their right to have photography at school events over-rides everything? including children being able to take part?

As said previously one of my current foster children is unable to take part in any school event that parents/families are invited to as some parents do continue to take photos even if asked not to. This is also the case for previous foster children too. However, it would not be appropriate to share personal details about the children to the photo taking parents, so sadly they are unable to take part as the risk is too great. Though one lovely school photographer did take two class photographs this year, one without the foster child which was the one given to all the other parents, and another with her in it that only we could buy. I thought that was lovely, and of course she was so excited about it too.

[leopardgecko]

But I am not going to assume there is a problem every time I want to take a picture of my child either. I know of several schools in the area due to family going and teacher friends and none of them have rules about taking pictures in nativities, class assemblies or sports days so I'm hardly the only person who feels this way.

One of my foster children who are particularly vulnerable is unable to take part in any school production/sports event/assembiles or school photograph. The former because some parents continue to take photos, even when asked not to, and the latter in case the school photograph is published online by someone. It's just a little extra thing that makes foster children even more different than their peers.

[ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism]

Oh and screenshotting how do you know the kids on the beach don't live near there and it's actually quite a normal thing to do?

I don't know so neither does anyone else looking at the picture, that's the point, nobody knows who in the crowd goes there daily and who goes once in a blue moon
Unlike a team or school photo when it's pretty darn clear.. and the other children are close enough to identify, someone's in the far distance of a beach shot - not so much. And I don't upload them on social media anyway.

Besides, most schools and clubs ask you NOT to take group shots, so I'm not inventing this, I just agree with the widespread policy, and as it's the policy really you should respect it even if you think it's tosh, otherwise don't sign your kids up to group things with no photo policies if its so hard for you to stick to it

refuse to spend my life worrying about what other people will think just because I want another memory of my precious child captured in a picture
I'm not worried about what people think, I'm worried about what actually happens to children in care

[Frazzledmum123]

I think I'll just have to agree to disagree on that one, i just find time going by so scarily fast and having the pictures to look back on mean the world to me, I don't think you can ever have too many pictures of your kids but I'm aware I have a bit of am obsession!
I don't take pictures as a job, just a hobby and because I love it with a passion I don't think it subtracts from the situation personally. I find that sometimes I actually take in more because I'm focusing on the moment as I don't want to miss anything. But that's just the thing, we are all so different with different worries and different interests and I object to be called names or it being insinuated that I would put a child at risk just because I don't share the same concerns as others and refuse to spend my life worrying about what other people will think just because I want another memory of my precious child captured in a picture x

[TwatbadgingCuntfuckery]

frazzed Its fine! the twat thing ;)

Its a very fine line. I would rather no photos and the teachers provide group photos removing the children who are not allowed to appear in them than it be a free for all and zero control.

If schools took the photos and one did 'get out' then at least there would be some control over the type of image.

I think there is a big obsession these days about capturing every moment of a childs life and there really isn't a need for it imo.

I'm a photographer when getting a shot my head is in the photo not the moment. I wonder if we're actually missing things because were so determined to capture it all.

[Frazzledmum123]

Twat..(seems wrong addressing you as that, no offence intended!) - in that circumstance I agree with you entirely, it was wrong and spoils it for people like me too as it brings rules like no photos into place

[grannytomine]

Screenshotting, I think you need to rethink some things. Just because you don't go to the beach regularly doesn't mean other people don't. I live a mile from the beach and take my GC there most Saturday afternoons for a run about and an ice cream. You seem very quick to blame other people for not thinking about consequences but maybe you need to be a bit more careful yourself.

[TwatbadgingCuntfuckery]

I have signed 'no photography' forms for my DC at school and other clubs Stipulating I DO NOT want my childs image used for any form of publicity for the school OR to appear in the local newspaper.

My child's image still ended up in the local newspaper because another parent took their photo and submitted it. It wasn't my child in the background. It was my child front and centre with the other parents child at sports day with their names.

You bet i kicked off over that after putting every thing in place to make sure my child is safe and another parent made their image public in the local paper to 300,000 people and online. Once an image is online, its out there.

The school bans photography of any kind now during sports day or school plays. They give the parents 30mins at the end to take a snap of their child in their costume.

[MariposaUno]

A quiet word with the dgp would have been just fine. Along the lines of I'm not sure you are allowed to take pics/vids but if you do can you make sure and not have (my) other dc in them.
Mountain out of a molehill and it's a shame it spoiled their day.

I remember speaking with a guy where he used to go to a gym regularly and sometimes he and others would use an empty hall for various exercises and space to train. It overlooked the swimming pool as a large glass wall.
A woman complained that a man was looking at her child swimming so the gym had to ban use of the hall with exception to hall hires of course.

They also have a window looking into the swimming pool in the main reception/waiting area but phones are banned from use anywhere near it.
Which is fair Imo, I didn't know this at the time but I was getting dodgy looks from the lifeguard and then reception told me.
I wasn't taking pics or even facing the glass, I was listening to music.

[Frazzledmum123]

Oh and screenshotting how do you know the kids on the beach don't live near there and it's actually quite a normal thing to do? My friend lives near one and is there most days. And just because a landmark place is trip out for you, does that mean no one lives there either? Did you check with them when you took the picture? Did you think of them having to question if it was safe to allow the child near a place that might want to be photographed? Of course not and that's my point, you can't be expected to question everything each time, if there is an issue with a particular child then their guardian has the responsibility to make sure the school or whatever doesn't allow photos, not mine.

[Frazzledmum123]

No I don't mind that people have to question whether their child takes part in an event, that is their decision. People have different worries and concerns about things and I don't expect them to consult with me about mine so I don't think a person should have the right to demand that I don't take a picture of MY child. I personally have chosen not to let on on fb which school my child goes to but that doesn't mean I expect his friends parents (who i have asked not descript school questions to on fb) to hide their kids uniform in pictures in case it gives it away. If there was any reason behind someone not wanting pictures taken like estranged fathers or fostering etc or even if they just felt strongly about it I would assume those people would have informed the school and they could ask for no pictures to be taken without mentioning anyone in particular. I wouldn't be happy about it but I would obey the rules as I couldn't get a picture of my child without someone else's being in it.

I'm aware people don't know I am not going to do anything with them but like I said, if I was asked not to take them, I wouldn't. I wouldn't demand they provided personal reasons for it for goodness sake, that's a ridiculous comment! There are ways of saying it though aren't there, a simple 'I'd rather you didn't do that please' is perfectly polite and wouldn't make me start an argument or ask them to justify it! But I am not going to assume there is a problem every time I want to take a picture of my child either. I know of several schools in the area due to family going and teacher friends and none of them have rules about taking pictures in nativities, class assemblies or sports days so I'm hardly the only person who feels this way.

[ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism]

Or do you think that people should approach all other parents at an event and share their child's sensitive private circumstances in order to beg justification for asking parents to not do something they're not supposed to do anyway?

[OddBoots]

Frazzledmum123 - How do the other people there know for sure that you aren't going to publish those pictures. Bearing in mind the huge repercussions that are possible, do you think it is reasonable to expect them to just trust you on that?

[ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism]

so you don't mind that people have to quesiton whether their child can take part in the school event at all because of people like you who think their right to have photography at school events over-rides everything? including children being able to take part?

[Frazzledmum123]

But I don't publish pictures with other kids in (unless I've been given permission to) so how is that putting the child at risk? I'm not going to do anything dodgy with them and I'm no risk so having them at my house is not putting a child at risk. If I was taking pictures and someone asked me not to get their child in then I would happily oblige- I don't exactly want pictures of other people's children!
I don't take pictures at swim class and my child doesn't really do any other classes but if they did and I took pictures then again I wouldn't publish them. Just because you don't feel it necessary to have a photo of your child doing something doesn't mean I shouldn't want it, personally I love action shots rather than posed ones - them singing in the nativity with all their gusto and hand actions. That doesn't make me a self entitled git, it means I have different interests to you. And because photography is a hobby I am quite capable of doing both, taking a photo and enjoying the moment, I don't spend the whole performance with my eye glued to lense ffs, I've been known to take a picture without even looking properly.
You made comments about me because I won't feel guilty taking pictures of my children and seem to have assumed they are all of classes they do, they aren't at all and like I quite clearly said if they are, I make sure no other child is in the shot. I don't know where you got the impression from that because I take so many pictures I am putting kids at risk, I know I am not and that's good enough for me so like I said, I won't feel guilty for carrying on doing what I love

[ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism]

I really don't see why a picture of your own kid dressed up as the little donkey or mary or joseph isn't enough to remember the school nativity. Why do you need the 5 other donkeys, the 3 stars and the other mary in the pic too?

[ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism]

I have no pictures of them at school events, I do have pictures of them beaming in their school event costumes or by themselves showing off assembly certificates. I don't need a snap of every single stage of the process - I'ld miss it if I was stuck behind the camera anyway so I wouldn't be in the moment myself!

I have no pictures of them at swim class, i have pictures of them swimming

I have no pictures of them with their gym class, I have pictures of them in their outfits and vids of them doing their moves.

There are people in the background in pictures like landmarks or beach - those pictures don't endanger kids, if there's a kid spotted in he background of my kids pic on a beach that won't help an estranged relative find them because going to the beach isn't "normal movements" - i.e. you don't go to the beach on the same day and time every week.

Same for Alton Towers type outings, just because a kid was at alton towers the same day as us doesn't mean they can be found there next week, so it's totally different to a school play or a gym class etc

It's not flippin difficult, we don't miss out, if anything we'ld miss out if we weren't able to sit through a school play without doing it through a camera screen!

[Frazzledmum123]

So you have no pictures of them anywhere in public then?? None at all? None at a school event or a party or a park or a beach or a holiday park? There are never anybody else in the background of any of your pictures?

[ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism]

I enjoy my family, enjoy taking photographs of them, and enjoy making memories WITHOUT taking photographs that put other children at risk, the two aren't mutually exclusive in any way unless you're an entitled selfish git

[Frazzledmum123]

I must be horribly selfish then because I am not going to live my life worried about everyone around me and let it spoil my enjoyment and memory making of my family, sorry. I am obsessed with taking photos and have been guilty of taking photos places I know I shouldn't (although in those situations I do always make sure there aren't any other kids in the shot). Photography is my only hobby and I love looking back through pictures of my children doing everything. Like someone else said, unless you never take any pics in public, beaches, parks etc then you can't ever be sure you haven't got a child in that has safeguarding issues. I am careful what I put online though and ask if I have one of their friends in. I also have my safety settings maxed so I'm not going to feel guilty

[TwatbadgingCuntfuckery]

I'm in the 'wont let Pics of DC on social media camp'

DCs dad isn't around. He's a cockwomble. I want to reduce any and all ability for him to know what his DC looks like because he has threatened to kidnap them in the past. An empty threat perhaps but not something I am willing to risk.

sister's ex is violent and abusive and she has requested we keep our accounts locked down and not share photos of herself or her kids. SHE IS IN A REFUGE and quite rightly wants us to not take pictures of her family to protect them whilst the police deal with her ex. A photo can give away a location, where they are staying. Anything.

My step father is a violent alcoholic too. I don't want him to know where I am or what I am doing. I even changed my name when I left home.

These are a tiny percentage of reasons people don't want photos of their DC put on social media.