AIBU to involve school?

[PlaygroundAngst]

There's a mum at school who has a problem with me. I've no idea what it is. She's quite a queen bee character whereas I'm more of a take me as you find me kinda girl.

There have been a few incidents now. Excluding the bitching behind my back, the first was when she hit me at a children's birthday party. I involved the police, filed a report etc. I asked that she wasn't arrested because I didn't want to antagonise her (we've got quite a few years with our children being in the same class). But, my report is serving as a record of the event. I informed school in case there were any repercussions with our children at school. The next incident was when she deliberately walked into me at school. Straight after she was shouting out at how I'd pushed her and gathering all her witnesses up (who strangely enough are all her friends). I didn't say anything to anyone about this. No one was hurt. Today we've had another one. I was walking a child into school and had my arm around her shoulders. The woman mentioned above was walking towards us, not looking where she was going and walked into the child I was with. My instinct was to protect the child so I pushed the woman's hands away. She was carrying keys so scratched me but I'm just pleased I did otherwise it would have been the child's face. I can't remember exactly what I said but it was something like "hey, be careful!" It was only at this point that I realised who it was. She again started gathering witnesses including someone who claimed to have seen everything but had her back to us. Another one of her friends! She then followed me out of the playground, screamed out that I'm a "fucking crazy bitch" along with sticking her fingers up at me. (This is all in front of children from school).
Anyhow, current situation is that I'm trying to convince the school to arrange a mediation meeting. They're understandably reluctant but if she's behaving like that on school property then I feel they have to intervene before someone gets really hurt.

So, AIBU for involving the school?

Nb I believe this morning was a genuine accident

[kali110]

Wth should the op have to move schools? Why is she as bad?
What a load of bloody victim blaming!
It's disgusting!
She's been attacked and threatened by this woman yet she should move?
She's not as bad, she pulled a child off of her own when he was being pinned down.
Yes a normal person who saw it and didn't understand maybe angry but a rational person wouldn't go over and punch someone.
Agree with zee what a role model.

Op, file that police report.

[cannotchange]

It IS the school's responsibility to deal with this as is it happening on school premises. If the school do not attempt to deal with it they are condoning aggressive, bullying and offensive behaviour at their school. The school has a duty of care to their pupils, staff and parents.

This woman is harassing you and you would also be able to get an injunction against her, it only takes 2 or more incidents of this sort to obtain one.

DO NOT feel that you have to move your child to another school because of this women's behaviour. Your child's wellbeing is paramount in all of this and you cannot be bullied by this person and cause disruption to child's education by moving schools, which is a massive upheaval for any child.

I have been through similar, try to keep your council and a dignified silence amongst other parents in the face of it and NEVER rise to any crap she may throw at you.

Good luck

[shazzarooney999]

Stirzy i agree with others over your children xx

[FakeOrchids]

I agree with ThinkYouKnowMe.

Why on earth should the OP have to move her child, and take steps to avoid this woman when the school should be putting a stop to this woman being a complete bully on school premises

[ThinkYouKnowMe]

ffs to the ones saying about moving schools!
she has a sen child, when you have a child like that you cant just decide to move schools! For a start the child might have a education statement, the learning authority cant just find another school for the child. The child has needs and they need to be met.

Also considering the stress and anxiety of the child if they have to be moved!

And why the heck should the op have to move her child because of some bully mum.

also to the posters suggesting someone else take her child to school, have you thought about the fact her child might not be able to go with someone else because of their special needs??. The child may only want their mum to take them to school.


op get the school involved, speak to your local police station and see what they say. You should not have to have this to deal with, its harassment.

[PlaygroundAngst]

Drop off/collection from the office is a good idea and it would completely avoid the route she takes.

[PlaygroundAngst]

Sorry, first chance I've had to check mumsnet today.

The party was end of last year. I wasn't a stranger to her then, we've known each other for a few years.

I initially thought we were friends but soon realised she was using me to take her child to school. Her house is inbetween mine and the school so it wasn't a problem for me. But she stopped asking when another mum moved close to her. She didn't want my help anymore. I still have to walk past her house four times a day.

Sorry, another drip feed but she punched a different parent the day after the party incident with me. Other parent didn't report her though. She definitely doesn't want to antagonise her.


School have agreed to the meeting so perhaps I'll finally find out what her problem is. They're also going to ask her to use a different entrance.

I do really appreciate everyone sharing their different views/opinions.

[Waltermittythesequel]

I just don't understand willingly walking your children into a potentially violent situation every single day when it's easily avoided.

OP's dc has SN so, yes the change would be more of an upheaval but surely no more traumatic than watching mum be abused or worse, being at risk of injury.

[Janecc]

I don't think she was trying to make a stand - more gloss over the fight and leave it in the past.

[RainbowsAndUnicorns5]

I would try and arrange a slightly earlier/later pick up and drop off

Speak to the school and ask if they can make special arrangements for that & say you fear the abuse etc escalating and affecting the children

A friend of mine has severe agrophobia & she drops off through the office (not playground) at 8.30 and picks up same place at 3.35 would that work?

[Janecc]

Op sounds much more like a don't want to rock the boat type person, I think I would have been scared to press charges too. Anyway, shes trying to address it now, so I'm going to give her support. And the school should do something as I said earlier - schools have a code of conduct applicable to parents when on school property, some of the time detailed on the website.

[Waltermittythesequel]

I said ages ago, as did plenty of others, that I would move schools. Simple as that.

I wouldn't have my child in that environment because I wanted to make a stand.

The school will be unable to do anything about this woman's behaviour since she's not a student. Anything worthwhile at least.

And OP didn't want to press assault charges because she would have to continue to see this woman. Except she wouldn't, if she moved schools.

[Janecc]

Walter ok get you now. Don't agree with your comment at all though. That's why op is on this site for advice of how to tackle the situation. So what should op do to defend herself and the children?

[FakeOrchids]

Walter, you're being really unfair and judgemental towards the OP. With bullies like the woman she has had problems with it is easier said than done to 'just put a stop to it'

Until you have been in that situation you can't understand how awful and unsolvable it is!

[Waltermittythesequel]

OP said other mum hadn't seen what was happening with the children so I'd imagine from her POV, she saw a stranger put her hands on her dc.

Of course she shouldn't have hit her but the situation was obviously escalated through misunderstanding.

The reason I say they're as bad as each other is because OP is subjecting her dc and the dc in her care to this ongoing drama and violence instead of taking steps to end it.

[Janecc]

walter Please will you justify your comment. Apart from the incident at the party, op has illustrated herself to be dignified and restrained. Op pulled the woman's child off hers because it was on top of her child attacking them. Had her child been accessible, she would have had no need to remove the offending child. Should she have waited until the mother came along and not protect her child? Or could you perhaps tell her a better way of handling the situation.

[mrsfuzzy]

with fake orchid there are posters wearing judgy knickers today, it's all too easy to bitch but they are not in the op's situation, and would probably never be.

[FakeOrchids]

I think the OP is getting an unfair, harsh response from lots of posters.

OP, I have had a similar experience in the past with a school mum. I reported it to the school for their files, not because I wanted them to mediate or get involved but because her behaviour was inappropriate and disturbing.

School were great and actually since then she has done similar to other parents and the school ended up speaking to her about it and told her that she would be banned from school premises if she carried on with the antisocial behaviour.

[mrsfuzzy]

walter if another child was laying into your child on the floor what would you do ? [thankful my kids are grown up and don't have this shit].

[Janecc]

Op Im surprised at what the deputy head of a school upthread said. In dds school I would absolutely contact the school and they would assist me. There is a code of conduct, which applies to parents when on school property. The school cannot do anything about the punch as it was outside the grounds. However, they can help you to drop your child off safely and i would be telling them I need the schools assistance to prevent a child from being hurt in the crossfire. How appalling to have to avoid a certain parent because of bullying.

[Waltermittythesequel]

The punch was thrown at a party though, was it not?

Because OP dragged other mum's child away from her own.

They sound as bad as each other, IMO. I wouldn't want my dc in a school with either of them!

[Kenduskeag]

It's a bit more than 'an argument between parents' if one parent keeps going up and pushing, shoving, hitting and attacking another parent with a bunch of keys. Surely any establishment would be loathe to permit assaults on their property? We've had parents warned about possible bannings from the grounds for poor behaviour - smoking, spitting, swearing, having loud verbal fights, yelling at teachers - so I find it hard to believe that when punches are being thrown, they throw up their hands and claim it's none of their business.

[mummytime]

The school needs to deal firmly with bullying (even if low level).

The schools local to me where similar incidents have ever occurred: ban specific parents from the school grounds, at times have banned all parents at drop off/pick up (they have to wait outside the fence).

She is not a "Queen Bee" but a bully.

I would look for another school as dealing with bullying firmly and efficiently is a crucial aspect of a school being good with SEN.

[kawliga]

What wonky donky said upthread. You could try to avoid Queen Bee, keep your eye out for her and cross the street when you see her. Stop to let her pass so you don't accidentally bump into her physically all the time, don't show up to birthday parties where she'll be there, etc. It is not hard to avoid bumping into people if you focus your mind on not bumping into them. Hopefully Queen Bee will soon find somebody else to bump into and fight with.

If I could not avoid another parent who was determined to fight, I would do everything in my power to move school. Otherwise your dc are stuck with this ridiculous drama for the rest of their school life. Seriously, fighting with other parents in the playground is unacceptable. Doesn't matter who started it. 'She hit me first' is beyond ridiculous when you are older than, say, 5 years old.

[GreenBeans17]

Hmm, it's not really the school's problem...