Am I being unreasonable to want our house guest to get up before 10am?

[katsh]

We are a family of 5. 2 of us work at home. 1 dd is home schooled and has GCSE's starting next week. Other 2 dc at school. a 30 yr old Aussie friend has moved over to the UK on a 2 yr working visa. She has been with us 8 days so far, and the arrangement is she is staying until she finds work and accommodation in London. So far she has made no efforts to do either ( but jet lag - so fair enough). However - she is sleeping in the room which has our family computer, my work desk etc, on a fold up sofa bed. I've told her that i usually start work at 9am. She hasn't got up before 10.15 yet. Do I just need to suck it up or do I say something to her ? It sounds like a little thing, but life if fairly stretched and strained already and not being able to work except with my laptop on my knee is feeling a bit annoying. How would you handle it ?

[pictish]

Now is the time to make it clear her stay cannot be extended OP.
Don't get into it whereby she's still there in a month. You offered a temporary solution so you should stick to that arrangement. If she asks why she can't stay longer or tries to persuade you, simply say you wouldn't agree to anyone staying longer term so while it's not personal, it's not negotiable. You don't want a lodger and that's all there is to it.

[ScarletForYa]

Ha ha, a young Aussie 'staying temporarily'.

You do know she's moved in forever right?

[pictish]

She not young, she's 30.

I think OP needs to assert herself and make sure Ozlady knows where she stands.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

She suggested she would be with you for about 2 weeks? If I were you I would "remember" that as a promise.

"Hey MsBrassNeck, your two weeks are nearly up. Gosh how it is flying. Will you need help moving next week? Are you leaving on Friday or Saturday?"

Brass-neckery and tales of woe ensue: "Yes, I can see that will be awkward for you. We were OK to put you up for two weeks as a big favour to your parents, they are such good friends. We can't extend beyond the original agreement, you need to move on by ."

AirBnB exists. Surely she has aussie mates in London? She won't sleep rough. She does not need to stay with you. You won't be a big meanie to make her move out when she said she would.

[BoatyMcBoat]

You're kind of in loco parentis, so be the firm parent. If she's not up and out of the room by the time you need to start work then just go in, tell her she needs to get up now and plonk yourself down at your desk, turn the computer on and while you're waiting for it to warm up (mine takes ages since W10) direct her in putting the bed away. Then send her off to make herself a cuppa etc.

It sounds like she needs a parent around to tell her what's what at the moment while she acclimatises. Do ask searching questions about what moves she has made to find work, and then to find a flat/share and so on. Do not hold back for fear of being impolite or unkind. This is why she is here, she is supposed to be fending for herself, with you in the background to give her a bit of support when she's finding her feet and if she gets in out of her depth.

Be forceful!

[pictish]

THE AUSTRALIAN IS 30 YEARS OLD

[pictish]

Sorry to shout...but this is not a teenager on a gap year...it is a grown adult woman.

[HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky]

the arrangement is she is staying until she finds work and accommodation in London
You know this is virtually an invitation to stay forever don't you?

So she is sleeping on your sofa bed?
I'd be saying I need her up and the bed sorted back into a sofa from 8am. OK so you have said 8.45 - you need to breeze in there every morning at 8.30 and start reclaiming the room.

Good luck OP - I think you are going to need it.

[HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky]

She will have money with her - the terms of these visa's mean you have to show you have money to support yourself until you get a job.

When I arrived in the early 1990's I needed to bring £2k with me!!! But it will depend on what visa she is on.

[AnthonyPandy]

Ooh yes, carry on posting, OP. We'll help you. Mwah ha ha.

But, more seriously, just walk in at 7, open curtains, make a noise, radio on, don't tell kids to be quiet etc. She's not a guest as in friend staying for social reasons, she's a friends relative staying for business/work reasons. Show her the websites etc, give her jobs until she goes (hoovering? washing up?) and start work at 8 am. Spend that first hour updating us every day!

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

You should care if she sits around in PJs all day.

If she's doing that before she's got a job and her own place then that's an extra day she's decided she's staying with you.

[Janecc]

Good point RunRabbit

[Lalsy]

OP, I work at home and think you have been extremely generous - I find other people around really difficult. You are juggling a lot and the presence of an extra person will make that harder, even without the sleeping thing. Also, my dd and her mates have all found it straightforward to get work in London - she can get a bar job or events work that will pay for basic hostel accommodation while she sorts out something better/more long term.

[StealthPolarBear]

:)

[HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky]

Do I just need to suck it up or do I say something to her?

OP you absolutely do NOT need to suck it up. She is sleeping in your office. Apart from the other advice to move things along in her life, you absolutely need to say that you need to be able to WORK in YOUR OFFICE from 8.45am - NOT NEGOTIABLE.

If she wants to lie in all day she needs to find her own accommodation.

I would also be concerned if she is staying in her PJ's all day. FFS she has arrived on her big adventure - she should be excited about getting out and about, seeing the sights, meeting people, finding a job and flat etc. If she isn't into any of this I do feel concerned she has other more personal issues and you may have the human equivalent of Ayers Rock now living with you (i.e. immovable object)

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

Change the wifi password to "TimeToFindaJobandAHomeofYourOwn"

[katsh]

Thanks good people of mumsnet for your words of encouragement and also discouragement . They were the words I needed to hear to enable me to put my big girls pants on and deal with the situation properly. Over a cup of tea I have explained to Ozlady that actually, with the sudden admission of my m-in-law to hospital and all the ramifications of that for my f-in-law etc we are going to be a little more stretched than even now, and so I think it would be best if she moved sooner rather than later. She has taken that on board and has arranged to stay with friends Thursday and Friday night and will suss out accommodation and hopes to move next week. So that wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Sorry to disappoint those who had settled down for unfolding drama ! She really is a nice woman, but I did need a kick up the backside to manage the situation better.

[Just5minswithDacre]

Ooh yes, carry on posting, OP. We'll help you. Mwah ha ha.

[blindsider]

Jet lag is an excuse for 2-3 days tops - You are doing them a favour I would just breeze in at 08:45 and say I need my office back in 15 minutes!!

[specialsubject]

good news; OP has issued polite marching orders and they have been accepted.

result!

[Janecc]

Smoothly done

[katsh]

Thanks specialsubject and janecc !

[WhatchaMaCalllit]

So she'll be with other friends for Thursday & Friday but what about the weekend? Where will she be then? Is she thinking she can move back into your place for the weekend?

If I were you, I'd be bringing in newspapers with the local lettings/places for rent pages and leave them with her but don't leave her under any illusions that she can move back in for the weekend. Once she is on the move, try to keep it that way.

[Lalsy]

Well done OP, and I hope things calm down a bit for you all now.