To be considering quitting part-time job with nothing to go to

[BB2000]

I have two DC (1 and 5) and have been lucky enough to return part-time 3 days a week to a good and relatively well paid job (Circa £30k for 3 days a week).

However I'm struggling. DS2 is a terrible sleeper which doesn't help and DH is away a lot for work. Recently we have a new boss for our team and the dynamics are changing hugely; the hours are getting longer and there is way too much work to do in my three days. He has made it clear that the team is on probabation in terms of how we are all performing so there is a real pressure to deliver. I have been increasingly logging back in to work after the DC are in bed and picking up quite a bit of work at the weekend. It is causing stress to my family (and me!) and is not what I want.

I'm tempted just to quit to get out of it but I know that decent part-time jobs are so hard to get. (I would actually love to be a SAHM but it would halve our income so not really feasible.) It is also a particular busy month for us so it could be that things will calm down if I can stick it out. (Though I think tbh the long hours culture is here to stay)

Anyone else been in a similar position - what did you do and did you regret it or was it a good move? Any good advice/thoughts anyone?

[Artistic]

Hi there, I work 3 days at a bit more. Am only 'keeping the lights on' for a few years until I can get back to my 'career' rather than doing a job I barely care about. I've done 4 days before DD2, and it was mad. Practically full time workload in 4 days. Now I do 3 days over 4 days in the week (so 4 days childcare cost) but it's totally manageable because I am flexi on location and can work from home if there are no meetings planned. If I have to go then it's a 2 hour commute each way (within London, totally mad!). I dread to think of a time when I will have to go in all 3 days! Probably will be in your boat then. I'd urge you to not quit if you can, as it's hard to get back into employment that can work around children. Can you consider 3 days over 4 with maybe 1 day from home? That would give you shorter days and would make you more 'available' over the 4 days. May not work for you if you think they will just pile more work on your plate.

[HarlotBronte]

You seem to be presenting this as a stay in this job vs stop work altogether thing. But it kind of sounds like you just want to be somewhere else rather than wanting to be a SAHM specifically. I'm not saying you shouldn't be a SAHM if that's what you want to do, but there'd be most chance of it working for you if it were a positive choice made for itself not because you don't like the path you're on. So I'd at least consider other part time working options in different roles first. Have you worked out how much the household actually needs you to earn? Once you come up with that figure, you can then think about what options might allow you to do this.

[BB2000]

Thanks for all the replies - some really helpful thoughts and suggestions.
I will definitely start logging my hours to give me a proper idea of how much extra I am doing. Particularly when it does (hopefully) quieten down a bit so I can have a bit more balance in my assessment.

I am also going to set myself a deadline that I will definitely keep going till to see how it pans out. Whilst also thinking of escape routes. And certainly I wont let myself just leave without at least attempting to really address this/have a frank conversation about this with my manager.

Would love to just take a career break for 2-3 years and then just be able to jump straight back into the work-place. But I know this really hardly ever/never happens.

[UsainWho]

I earn the same as you for 30 hours a week. I really don't enjoy my job but it is a professional position and part-time jobs simply don't come up, they are made for the people in them. If I quit, the best I could hope for would be a full-time position elsewhere and I can't get any childcare for after school in my area (all full).

When I went back after DC2 I changed to 5 days at 6 hours to fit in with school. This works loads better work-wise, but I really miss my day at home a week. My work prefer me being in every day too, more continuity. I also don't feel obliged the check emails at night etc. as I will be in the next day.

If I were to quit, we'd manage but our whole lifestyle would have to change and I don't want that, I like our house and cars and holidays etc. So, on balance I put up with the rotten job, you can't have your cake (part-time) and eat it.

[PuppyMonkey]

Definitely think it's worth raising the working hours thing with your boss before doing anything - they might be willing to look at the problems you've described?

If not you'll just have to speak up a bit at the meetings and say you can't do the work as you're not in. Also the "expectation" to look at your emails at 9pm? What for exactly? What do they expect you to get done at 9pm?

Turn your emails off. Check them when you get in office. Out of office reply on your days off.

Keep repeating the above until it sinks in with others that you're part time.

[sandy30]

I'm with whois. I'd expect that anyone on FTE £50k/year is in a pretty demanding field and it's unlikely you could get away with working just strictly your strict office hours every week. If you were doing your current job 5 days, no doubt your workload would be 5 days-plus.

I'd consider a part-time job in a less demanding (and consequently lower-paid) setting.

[rookiemere]

Yes I like what Sorearms says - can you change your working days?

Much easier for people if you're not off for two consecutive days - my friend has Tuesday and Friday off and that means people are never waiting for more than 1 day for things.

I used to be more senior than I am now and I found I just couldn't do it in p/t hours.

Once you get to a certain seniority and pay grade, people have certain expectations about response times and your ability to be up to speed with things and they don't really give much of a fig if you choose to get paid less for allegedly working less hours. Also the killer I found was management meetings, not so bad to absorb 5hrs of useless twaddle vital team updates into a full working week, not so easy when it' s 1/4 of your paid hours.

I perhaps took the easy way out, I don't know, but I went down a grade so I could truly be p/t. Now its (mostly) great. I have no compunction about stating my working hours and if I work extra it's because it's kind of my choice. I was almost at the point of jacking it in several times when DS was younger, now I'm glad I didn't as I've kept my career going albeit on a low burner and hope to move up the ladder again once he's in secondary school.

I think if you could go to them with a proposal to change your working days and explain the reason this would generate a good discussion. But there was a big thread about working vs. not and whilst I didn't agree with all of it, I do feel it's a good thing to retain your own income if you possibly can. Your baby won't be a poor sleeper forever, and if you give up your job now without a plan B then you may regret it in the long term.

[whois]

For a FTE salary of £50k I honk it's normal that here is the expectation that you work more than your 'contracted' hours.

[PattiLevin]

Is agency/freelance work viable? Makes life so much easier to have control over when you work.

[idontlikealdi]

Can you manage without the income? It's irrelevant if people manage on one salty of 30k if they don't have the same outgoings.

[SoreArms]

Agree with what most of the others have said but have you bought about making one of your working days, a Friday? Would stop the 'meeting on last day but need to do the work by end of week' issue? I had same problem when doing Mon-Weds but went back full time before it became too much of an issue (not suggesting you do that btw, that just suited us)

[Stormtreader]

"Expectation of looking at emails on the days I don't work, checking emails 9pm etc. Having a meeting on my last day of the work in the office but somehow miraculously getting the work from this done by the end of the week."

Are they giving this deadline in the meeting, and are you speaking up that your next working day is actually monday so you wont be able to start before then?

Is it an option to put an "out-of-office" on your email? "My working hours are monday-wednesday 9-5.30, this box is not monitored outside these times. If your issue is urgent please contact Other Coworker at [email protected]"

[howabout]

I would be very reluctant to et myself be forced to quit in this way. What would happen if you actually just worked your contracted hours and ignored the expectations? My DH works reduced hours and if he was not very rigid with his boss he would be in your situation. If there is a push he always pushes back.

[AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou]

You're asking if you should quit but saying that you can't afford to. So what is the actual question? Should you get a different part time job? Well maybe, but anything easier isn't going to pay anything like that amount, is it?

[TiredOfSleep]

Agree that it's worth logging hours worked and reducing the extra hours you're doing before leaving. How does your workload compare to others working ft?

[Timeforabiscuit]

Personally I wouldn't jack in the job, but I would make my manager work for it if they wanted to sack me on performance grounds!

Somethings I found helpful
Tell my manager exactly what I was doing each week
If new stuff came in, which stuff takes priority, what is getting moved to someone else to do, what is not getting done (not postponed, it's either a priority or it isnt).
Using positive language to say no, I can do that in early April

This all goes out the window if your managers crap or you don't like the job, in which case don't waste your energy!

[runningLou]

Just to add, I found that when childcare costs were taken into account there wasn't a massive drop in salary when adjusting % of part-time hours. I would also have loved to be a SAHM but we do need my salary. You need to find the right compromise between money and stress though.

[runningLou]

There are part-time jobs out there that are not like you describe. The problem is once colleagues (esp. managers) get used to you logging in and getting work done 'out-of-hours' then they will expect this. You have a 60% contract and get 40% less pay than colleagues so they should be taking this into account. If they're not then you either need to tackle this with them, by establishing what is a reasonable 60% workload, or find something else.
Could you request to drop your hours to 50% (2.5 days)? It might trigger a discussion of workload? You need to emphasise that your days at home are not 'days off', but that you are looking after young DC.
In a previous job I went from 50% after DC1 to 40% after DC2. It helped as colleagues readjusted their expectations.
It is hard to find part-time work but there are job shares etc out there so if you do want to find something else you could ...

[Pinkallium]

I quit my very well paid 3 days a week job last year and haven't regretted it. I worked full time when I had just 1 DC and then 3 days a week after my second maternity leave. We made this work for nearly 2 years, but the oldest child starting school tipped the balance too far for me. My 3 working days were so long I barely saw the children those days, I was always rushing and stressed, and my daughter did not like the after school child care we were using.

Once I'd resigned my employer did offer to help me reorganise my workload but I decided to take the time out and have been a SAHM for just over a year. We are all happier for it and I have no regrets. I feel the children are currently benefitting more from having my time than from the money I was bringing in. I know we are fortunately to be able to afford this set up.

I plan to look for part time work again when my youngest starts school in September. I know I will never earn the sort of money I used to but I have accepted that. I do worry that I will struggle to find any job, but I am inspired by some of my older friends who have taken career breaks and then successfully returned to work. This is just the next stage of my life.

Good luck whatever you decide.

[rookiemere]

Difficult one. I'm p/t on a good(ish) salary as stuck with my pre DC employers.

Sometimes it's easy to work my contracted p/t hours, some times it's more challenging. Personally I'd be reluctant to chuck in what is - on paper - a good deal because you've had a few bad months.

If I were you I'd be tempted to do a couple of things. Firstly to give it a bit longer, but give yourself a deadline to take action so if it hasn't got better say by the end of next month to re-evaluate. Are the full timers taking home work too? If not then you're being unfairly discriminated against for being p/t so you do need to speak to your manager about a more reasonable workload, however if they're routinely working overtime as well it becomes a bit more tricky.

I'd also have a look and see what's out there. Realistically it will be hard to find a well paid part time job - I'm not trying to be negative but it is generally true.

In terms of household management is there anything else you can outsource? Having a cleaner, sending out the shirts to be ironed, having groceries delivered or click and collect are all essential to me when going through a busy period.

Hope it works out for you - I hate it when things are going well at work and as inevitably happens they change for the worse, luckily they usually change back again once employers realise what a bargain they're getting with productivity to time ratio and they don't want to lose that.

[DesertOrDessert]

I quit my job last summer due, as DH had a new job.
It's been tough, but worth it for everyone but me we also moved 5000 miles, which isn't helping me, as I've lost all my friends, and visiting family is now a massive time and £ commitment.
How essential is your salary to the household (especially if you no longer need to pay childcare out of it?)

[Slutbucket]

Firstly you need to speak to work and tell them you are unhappy with your workload. Make a record of the extra hours done and you feel there is an expectation of longer hours. You have not been consulted about this so there has been a change. give them the chance to address this. I'm saying rhis because you may have grounds for constructive dismissal.

[BB2000]

Storm - yes it is increasingly going this way. Expectation of looking at emails on the days I don't work, checking emails 9pm etc. Having a meeting on my last day of the work in the office but somehow miraculously getting the work from this done by the end of the week.

Harsh - no I wouldn't just jump without him agreeing. Our joint preference in terms of family and finances would be working part-time (as I currently do), but having the hours that actually reflect this.

[harshbuttrue1980]

I think you'd have to consult your DH before just jacking in your job. Having a setup where one person is the breadwinner and the other person is at home needs to be agreed by both. In the same way as you wouldn't expect him to just jack his job in.

[Stormtreader]

So your job is part-time on paper, but is really fulltime in terms of hours?