At what point do I call social services?

[thisismeusernameything]

Posting for traffic. Sorry but I need a bit of advise from people with experience.

How much is it acceptable to shout at your kids? What language is deemed unnecessary and does the frequency matter?

My next door neighbour shouts at her very young children several times a day, maybe 5-10 times, for around a minute at a time.

They are fucking this and that's, cunts and every other name you can imagine. Is this ok? I often here the children crying.

I really dont know where the line is with this. The children seem ok dressed and look fine but its just the screaming and language used.

Is this a concern? Do I report it or do I mind my own business?

[EnthusiasmDisturbed]

Sorry just seen update good you have reported her

[EnthusiasmDisturbed]

I agree with of you are asking yourself this question then do something nspcc for advice would be a good start

Never really understand why on threads like this someone always comes along and points out she may be struggling, single parent, shouting isn't so bad ffs it is when it is so frequent and you hear children crying and they are called cunts

We should never ignore or excuse abusive behaviour toward children and shouting and swearing at children to the point where neighbours are concerned and worried is just that

[EponasWildDaughter]

Good on you OP. Poor kids.

[redexpat]

Student social worker here (though not based in the UK). You've done exactly the right thing.

Under Danish law, every citizen has a duty to report when they have first hand knowledge of abuse or neglect. So you hearing them being verbally abused falls under that category. If you work with children or vunerable people, you have to report if you even suspect that they may need additional support.

[thisismeusernameything]

Glad there seems to he a general concensus that this is not ok.

What actually made me call in the end was I could hear one of the kids crying this morning at the same time as there was a donation advert for the NSPCC on TV. It was only 7ish and she'd been shouting at them to get ready for a while. Again, just to be very clear, its not the shouting itself but the aggresive tone and choice of words.

I skipped the NSPCC and went straight to SS. My next thread will be titled my neighbour punched me for reporting her to SS but I had to do it.

[Nabootique]

Well done OP. Some PPs have mentioned that the swearing might not mean anything in itself, which I would agree with but the children are clearly distressed by her behaviour and that is the real issue. You have absolutely done the right thing. Someone rang SS anonymously for me when I was a child. SS didn't really do anything, but although I had an unpleasant time living with my mother, I'm not sure it really counts as abuse, and this was years and years ago when SS are not what they are today.

The whole thing makes me want to grab my DD out of school and give her a massive cuddle.

[pasanda]

I'm glad you've done that. She is emotionally abusing them

[shinynewusername]

Those saying "oh maybe she's a struggling single mum, offer her a cup of tea" - fuck that. Whatever her problems are is no excuse for damaging these kids day in day out. FFS

This.

Well done OP.

[Claraoswald36]

Please call. I would be heartbroken if anyone spoke to my kids like that and I'm a lone parent and I get a bit shouty sometimes.

[Buzzardbird]

Poor children. Well done for phoning.

[MatildaTheCat]

I very highly doubt you are the only person to have concerns about this woman. When I worked in this field it was all about building a picture. It was very unusual for a family to be flagged up at this stage for the first time, almost always the family was already known to the various agencies. If your NDN has such low boundaries that she calls her DC these awful names at home it is very probable that her parenting has other issues.

I'm shocked at people on this thread have said 'we all lose it with our DC sometimes.' I've never won any parenting awards but bloody hell, I've never, ever called a child or anyone else a fucking cunt. There are some things you just do not do.

Poor kids.

[BayLeaves]

OP this sounds exactly like my old neighbour. We lived in a block of flats on quite a rough council estate and our bathroom backed onto their bathroom, the walls were thin so I could hear everything. I remember sitting in the bath hearing her shouting things like "You've used way too much fucking shampoo! I've fucking told you not to use that much. Fucking cunt!" This kid was only a toddler! I'd also hear slamming doors and children crying a lot.

I reported it to NSPCC and if I recall I think they said they'd pass the information on to Social Services.

I never found out exactly what happened to her and the kids, but she moved out and a lovely woman moved in and showed us around the flat, she'd started redecorating. She'd cleared up a lot of the mess by that point, but she said there was literally shit smeared on the walls when she first arrived. I could see dents in the wall where the abusive woman had been literally hitting the walls. Cupboards with dents and scratches inside where she'd shut the kids in the cupboard and they'd tried to get out.

Both her kids were pre-school age - so sad You dont' know exactly what happens behind closed doors so I would always report things like this - with my old neighbour I thought it was 'just' a bit of swearing and door slamming but it turns out the abuse was much worse.

[sunnyoutside]

Perfectlypurple I agree that the op shouldn't assume anything will change. In the 12 months I have lived near my neighbour SS have received numerous calls about this family, nothing has happened. The spot checks, the weekly meetings - none of them have happened - and this for children already on Child Protection and very much on SS radar. I understand things take time but this family need help, and they need it now. Give it a couple of years like this and I honestly believe it will be too late for these children. Their mum, my neighbour, agrees.

[Mooey89]

Sorry, just RTFT and noticed that you have done it already.

Well done OP.

[cleaty]

I think calling the NSPCC is good advice. They will have an idea of whether it should be reported or not.

[Yukduck]

Well done OP. Don't feel guilty. It is the lo's that matter.

[Mooey89]

Social worker here.

We rely on all of these small reports from neighbours and the public who have 'low level' concerns. Put together they build a bigger picture.

Contact NSPCC if you feel more comfortable, Children's services can then make a decision as to how to respond as they may have other information.

[Yukduck]

Safeguarding is the responsibility of everyone regarding children (and the vulnerable). You need to report this.
The Summer holidays are looming so if she is stressed to the point of verbal abuse now just think what could happen if further stressors are felt by this mother.
I am guessing you would not wish to speak to her about her language - nor would I. Leave it to the professionals and report it.
You may find other neighbours or friends have done the same if things are as bad as you feel them to be.
And what Italian said above re anonymous reporting and how to act.

[Perfectlypurple]

I reported similar once. Nothing changed and they would have been on ss radar due to police involvement at domestic incidents. I moved away and often wonder how those kids are.

[foodiefil]

This is 'emotional harm'. It's the third most common reason for removing children. After domestic violence and mental health.

[APomInOz]

I hope it all works out.

[sunnyoutside]

Sorry I meant that reading your OP I thought you were my neighbours NDN. Glad you have spoken to SS - I know it feels shit but looking at it the other way, if I was struggling with my dc and needed intervention or support then I hope somebody would step in, not just for my dc (who of course come first) but for my own wellbeing too.

[thisismeusernameything]

Thanks everyone. Yes she is my NDN Sunny.

I've done it. She's going to know its me as there is nobody at the other side. They did take my name and telephone number but that's all.

I'm not too worried about her complaining about me. I've had a client here before when she was having an outburst. He's a 50 year old man. Her language shocked him. My husband, father in law and landlord have all been here when she's been performing so there's plenty of people here to back me up if needed.

What they do now is entirely up to them.

[AppleSetsSail]

Oh dear OP. I think you should probably report. I'm sure this is a constant drain on your conscience, poor you. Poor kids.