To not be enjoying motherhood?

[ThreeLittleDucks99]

DD1 is 3.5 months old and is a very much wanted child. However, recently I've been finding motherhood really difficult and don't feel I'm enjoying it as much as I should. She seems to be going through a difficult phase where she doesn't sleep as well and has an awful temperament during the day. Initially she was fine- I think if she had something like colic in the early weeks I'd be more likely to ask for help as it wouldn't be so personal... But I found it really enjoyable before and now I feel like sometimes she just doesn't like me and that I'm not good at this. I meet up with women from my NCT and their babies seem so much happier and they seem to have a better bond. I know that there are people who are willing to support me but I feel so ashamed that I don't want to say anything. Is this normal? Or aibu and a complete monster?

[Therealyellowwiggle]

[MrsMarigold]

Young children are tricky it's a big adjustment, I used to wonder why anyone had children at all, now it's much better but we still have our moments.

[WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant]

Google the wonder weeks.

It tells you a bit about how baby brains develop and what they learn.

Each of these leaps had a few days of grumpiness as they sort stuff in their brain.

[emsyj]

I don't think motherhood is enjoyable all the time. I found the first year with DD1 pretty shit, to be honest - she didn't sleep, she never smiled (still doesn't, much!!) - where's the fun in that?? It's much better now that she is nearly 6, and she is so funny and interesting. She is great company and I actually enjoy being around her (about 80% of the time ). I don't personally find babies cute or interesting (not even my own), so YANBU to not be enjoying having a non-sleeping 3.5 month old.

[feelingdizzy]

My kids are teens now, sometimes I have felt I am doing a fantastic job and its all great,sometimes the exact opposite ,most of the time I'm somewhere in the middle.But like you and the huge majority of mothers I am always doing my best.Be kind to yourself,thus parenting lark is tough .

[ThreeLittleDucks99]

Just read all your messages and am so grateful- it's really been such a
comfort to know I'm not alone so thank you so much. Also googled the wonder weeks which made a lot of sense so have ordered the book! We've had a few smiles today which has made everything a bit more positive but I never think I'll be a baby person. Thanks again though for all the supportive comments- I really appreciate it x

[Narp]

God, I felt like that too.

And all those women who seem to be just ticket-boo? When you know them better, or years later, they may admit they were feeling the same as you but hiding it like you are.

It is hard. So worth it, but hard.

I have enjoyed my children more and more as I've got to know them. There are lovely lovely things about babies and toddlers, but also so much tiredness and anxiety.

[Ramanama]

Don't pay any attention to how anyone else appears to be coping. I had a brilliant NCT group where we all admitted that none of us knew what we were doing and we were all struggling. We spent the whole time at the meet-ups crying and laughing. I couldn't have got through that first year without them. It all gets easier! (And then much harder again once they're teenagers)

[Pixienott0005]

Yanbu! You can't enjoy every stage of parenting. Ok this is the first part but she is obviously unsettled which is so common. My little one had reflux which made him grumpy in the day and he couldn't lie down from like 4 weeks, so from 4 weeks I wasn't able to cuddle him or cradle him or anything and it made me down.

What I'm trying to say is that everybody goes through something which makes them a bit fed up as a parent. You are NOT a monster please don't think like that.

[MunchCrunch01]

A lot of people like to pretend it's all wonderful - especially when they've finally managed to get out the house and had a shower. I don't think I enjoyed much with either DC until they started sleeping through - although of course now I don't have babies anymore I'm all clucky when I see one as you put your rose-tinted spectacles back on as soon as it's behind you ime!

[gandalf456]

I remember feeling the same a lot of the time and have had periods of it throughout parenthood. Mine are 7 and 11 now. I found baby groups made me feel far worse because it was full of people who were doing just fine thankyouverymuch. The problem with groups is that you don't really know them (you only meet during pregnancy) so there is temptation for everyone to put up a façade. I did find it hard to find people who were honest - even at the school gates.

It certainly gets easier when you have a 2nd (if indeed that is on the cards) as you are more relaxed. I learnt who I liked and didn't like and which parents to avoid, too.

[Rosti1981]

Hugs. I found that first year so hard. Especially the first half. You don't get much back, you doubt yourself, and if you have a screamer you don't get any peace. DD calmed down around the 6 month mark and it got easier. It is fine not to be enjoying motherhood and doesn't mean you never will.

[gandalf456]

Yes, I remember six months being quite nice with my DD. She did really come into herself then.

[TeaBelle]

I felt exactly the same esp as dd was ebf and a bottle refuser. I found the stages of ' independence' great for my parenting enjoyment eg when she could eat solids, when she could sit unsupported, when she would be put to bed by dh. Obviously I still do loads for and with her but I don't feel tethered as I did in those early days.