AIBU to sleep train my 18 week old?

[Wineandpopcorn]

Hi my 18 week old daughter has never slept longer than 3 hours at night, and that was when she was a newborn. For the last 8 weeks she generally only sleeps for an hour and 45 minutes at a time throughout the night, waking up screaming and needing to be fed back to sleep. Most of the times shes not hungry and only has a few sips of her bottle.

She can't keep a dummy in her mouth, it just falls out.

Giving her a cuddle/patting her/shushing her/white noise/swaddling/ music etc all result in even more screaming.

Putting her in bed with me makes no difference.

She only catnaps in the day for about 20 minutes every now and then.

I seriously can't cope anymore. I have no help, plus have a teenager and a 2 year old.

Does anyone have any advice on sleep training a baby so young? I really didn't want to resort to this but I honestly can't cope for much longer.

[ShamefulPlaceMarker]

Yabu. It's cruel. Who decided that babies should be 'trained' to sleep as if what they're naturally doing is unatural.
She needs you.

[ShamefulPlaceMarker]

Are you bf? If so, just stick her in bed with you and bf her whenever she wakes. She'll eventually grow out of it when she's ready

[museumum]

I would try to sort the day napping. Try the 90 minute sleep solution book. Better daytime napping really should help (and give you some downtime).

[museumum]

The 90-Minute Baby Sleep Program: Follow Your Child's Natural Sleep Rhythms for Better Nights and Naps www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0761143114/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awd_Djxaxb08YVM86?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[ClaireLumia]

Have you tried different types of dummmies. My son was a terrible sleeper (woke every hour) and I used to try feeding him but like yours he'd only have a few sips then stop. Tried a dummy but he spat it out. Wasn't until we tried a different type that he was happier. Something like this

www.google.co.uk/search?q=cherry+dummy&oq=cherry+dummy&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l3.5229j0j4&client=tablet-android-pega&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#imgrc=lE8pr1PT2zI0AM%3A

[Writerwannabe83]

Oh OP - I can sense the desperation in your post, sleep deprivation and frustration can be very damaging.

I sleep rewind my DS when he was 9 months and I felt guilty doing it at that age. I completely understand how utterly drained you just feel, and they you feel like you can't cope anymore but I think 18 weeks is just too young.

Do you not have anyone in your family who can have the baby overnight? I know it will probably be really shitty for them but if they understood how desperately you need sleep they may be willing to help?

[minipie]

YANBU. I sleep trained DD1 using controlled crying at this age after I was so tired I nearly dropped her down the stairs. (She would only sleep on my chest for the first three months, and after that woke every hour for a 6 weeks - she had developed a rock to sleep association and could not get from one sleep cycle to the next by herself).

It took one day of CC and then she slept through, 7-7 with a 10.30 dream feed. It wasn't fun to do CC but the lesser of two evils IMO. Not only was I not dangerously tired but she cried far less overall as wasn't waking and crying every hour. (She did still wake in the night plenty when teething or ill but never went back to the dreadful hourly wakes).

So, YANBU. Go for it - as long as you are sure she isn't in discomfort from the reflux.

[HairyBoob]

Get a sleepyhead. There's a bigger version (Grand).

This won't be what you want to hear, but have you thought of stopping the omeprazole? 10 week old DS was on ranitidine for reflux and it actually made him crankier and more upset. As soon as we stopped it, he totally mellowed.

Day time naps are critical for a good night sleep too. As others have suggested, can you use sling / buggy to help?

[minipie]

To add - based on my experience, I would argue it's actually less cruel to do it earlier rather than later - it tends to work quicker, and they have not had so long with being fed or rocked to sleep (or whatever habit you're seeking to change).

[minipie]

Sleepyhead is great (and 18 weeks is not too big, DD2 fitted till 6 months) but it won't fix a feed to sleep association problem. Which is what it sounds like you have.

[Diddlydokey]

You can sleep train but controlled crying and cry it out are for slightly older babies.

How often do you try to get her to nap in the day? Overtiredness could be at play.

My refluxy baby slept a lot better on his tummy.

If you do feed to sleep then try to settle another way. My baby went to sleep in a cot on his own. I popped in every couple of minutes and said there there but he was over stimulated by anything else.

I'd limit night feeds to 2, not before 11 & not before 3 then 7 am or similar.

[fabricbag]

Please don't do it! Read up on normal infant sleep. And Fwiw, she is sleeping in longer bursts than my 13 month old does! (And I have a 4yo too, so understand it's hard to deal with everything when you're exhausted.)

[Becca83]

We started sleep training dd much younger than that (pick up put down) & it worked fantastically. It took about a week or so (we never let her cry!) and she's now an amazing sleeper. She's been 7-7 with just a couple of wake ups from 3 months old. She now does 7-7 with no wake ups and is normally asleep before she's at the top of the stairs.
This is in no way a stealth boast and I'm aware that we may just be incredibly lucky, but I completely disagree with the "it can't be done, she's too young" or "it's cruel" comments. I believe it worked for us and we have an incredibly happy little girl and very happy, rested parents.
Really hope you find something that works for you. Sleep deprivation is a bitch!

[Dragongirl10]

I know its not popular here but my premature baby slept brilliantly on the Gina Ford routine.That book became my bible.

I never once left her to cry or 'sleep trained', but followed as much as possible the daily feed /nap routine from 4 weeks and found the more rigidly l adhered to it the happier she became, her mild reflux improved, she rerely cried and by 4 months slept 7pm till 5.30am with a 10.30 feed in between. Even if she had a couple of disrupted nights due to teething, she would soon settle back into her good sleep habits.

I realise this rigid routine, ( naps in cot / set feed times etc) may be difficult with other children to accomodate, but it works so well for some babies you may want to read the book and give it a try.

Good Luck Op , it is so hard being sleep deprived.

[GraysAnalogy]

You 'sleep trained' a baby much younger than 18weeks becca

Surely babies that young are going to cry and are much too young to be 'trained'.

[Cloclomomo]

What dose of Omeprazole is she on? It really sounds like the reflux isn't under control. I would go back to your Paediatrician and ask whether you can increase the dose. My son was on 20mg/day at one stage.

When my son's silent reflux isn't under control he wakes up all the time through the night. There are no other signs and we often think our previously 'good sleeper' needs sleep training. But sure enough, as soon as the reflux is under control he goes straight back to being a great sleeper. I think it only takes mild reflux to really aggravate them at night.

[GraysAnalogy]

And OP I feel so bad for you. I do not miss those nights at all. You've had some fantastic advice here and I really hope you find something that works for you and your baby. It gets better as I'm sure you know but god it's hard!

[fabricbag]

How does pick up put down work with babies that are fed/rocked to sleep though? If I was to put my baby down awake but tired, he would just cry. Then cry when I picked him up, until I fed him (which I have to do at least hourly most nights). I don't get how it can work without them crying if you are essentially trying to break a sleep association that involves more than just being held? But I am willing to be told otherwise!

[EvansAndThePrince]

Yabu to sleep "train" , babies need their parents, it's literally the job description. However I totally feel your pain and the bad patches are HARD, so yanbu to try to help her sleep better. Do not leave her to cry, it's cruel and is not self settling, it's giving in to abandonment.

Try the gentle sleep book or similar to help you understand why she is waking and maybe make some adjustments to your routine to help her sleep. My 1yo has done 4hr stretches, 8hr, 30 mins ...we've had it all and still do but she's a secure little lady and I know that she will learn in her own time.
Also agree that reflux isn't managed if it's still causing issues, try back at the GP.

And uh...welcome to parenting, they weren't lying when they said you'd never sleep again! (I'm kidding, it's get soooo much better, promise! )

[Becca83]

Yep, I did, and without cc (I couldn't handle that!). We may have just been blessed with a very chilled out baby, but I would spend a couple of hours a night in the room with her a night doing a nice sleep time routine with massage, cuddles and feeding and then when she was sleepy would start pick up, put down. Every time she would wake, I'd pick her up and shoosh pat until she drifted off again. Kept this going until she was asleep. Took ages the first few nights, but eventually it would only take a couple of goes. All she needs now is to be carried up the stairs and she's out like a light!
She's 6mo on Tuesday.

People may disagree with the way we did it, but I've never left her to cry (not for me) and we're reaping the benefits of it now.
She is happy and well rested and we are happy.

[GraysAnalogy]

See that's not what my idea of sleep training is, that sounds like what most folk do if they have a erm.. not crying very much baby a nice gentle routine that settles the baby and both parties sleep well ha.

Every sleep training I've heard of has included some form of CC which is why I was a bit judgey at first. Sorry about that!

[KP86]

Masada wasn't really about CIO either. It is about recognising when the child is genuinely distressed vs having a little tantrum (yes, even 4 month olds can have tantrums!).

In our case, my son was a much, much happier baby for getting the proper amount of sleep, and we have zero attachment issues.

He will be two years old in a couple of weeks and still has a two hour nap each day, and sleeps 11-13hr overnight.

When he does wake overnight (maybe 1-2 times per week) we know there's a problem and he needs comfort which we readily give. But getting him over the hump and habit of needing us there every second of the night was important otherwise we might not all still be here now!

OP, you need to work out what's most important for you. If you would be willing to do the hard yards for a few days (even gentle sleep training might have a bit of crying involved) and then have a (hopefully) happier baby and Mum long term. IMO, there are a lot of babies who could do with being taught much better sleep habits from a young age; too many just don't get enough of it. It's so true that sleep begets sleep in infants and they want and need it. As much as we want them to sleep I bet they want it more.

I don't judge parents who sleep train or those who didn't. It's all about what works for YOU and YOUR BABY. If you are able to cope with waking every hour with baby then maybe sleep training isn't necessary for your family.

[Becca83]

Ha ha, no worries! Maybe it isn't sleep training then?! Just what I called it as we kind of trained her to go to sleep at a certain time.

I do know that we are incredibly lucky and it will probably be very different if we are ever lucky enough to have another one!

[fabricbag]

Yes Becca that's not what I would think of sleep training being either. It's also something that would never work on either of my two high needs, only ever fall asleep with a boob in their gobs, babies! They have routines but still want a boob before they'll but consider sleep. But fair play to you! (And I am jealous!)

[Plateofcrumbs]

If by sleep training you mean gentle techniques to encourage better sleep (and not leaving them alone to 'cry it out') the YANBU - it's definitely worth reading up on different methods. We did shush-patting and pick-up-put-down at around 5 months - nothing worked overnight but we did gently nudge him towards better sleeping by breaking his need to be rocked vigorously bounced round the room for often for over an hour to sleep every time he woke.