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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to keep stuff? Or am I hoarding?

52 replies

MaximumHoldMousse · 04/03/2016 14:05

Hello! I have joined MN to find out the consensus on what is acceptable to keep? We have a v small house with no garage or loft, can't afford to rent a larger one, so a lot of my things are at my parents' house still. I am trying to get rid of stuff but finding it really hard. Do people generally keep their old uni textbooks? Handwritten notes from lectures? I feel totally overwhelmed :( I've always been quite 'sentimental' about stuff but not sure if it's actually a problem or not. Would love to know what everyone else has/n't kept. Thanks so much

OP posts:
redexpat · 04/03/2016 15:39

You must get Marie Kondo's book.

Hygellig · 04/03/2016 15:45

I used to keep all kinds of stuff like offer letters from university, UCAS handbook, lecture notes...I've got rid of quite a bit over the years. I still have probably too many old school exercise books. Children's clothes I usually give away. We have quite a big loft but the question is will I ever look at them again or are they of interest to DCs?

Cornishclio · 04/03/2016 15:50

My elder daughter has a PhD and she got rid of all her notes and some textbooks after it was finished as she said it goes out of date so quick and she did not have space in her house to store it.

My younger daughter has a 5 month old baby and she gets rid of clothes she has grown out of to children charities and premature baby appeals, my DGD was born early. I asked her why not keep in case she has another but she said she would not want to put a newborn in clothes kept in a loft for years and she has no intention of having another baby for years yet 😅 Also she pointed out baby clothes are relatively cheap so if they had another baby they would buy new.

The only thing I am not good at getting rid of his books and my OH keeps loads of tools. We tend to use the garage for tools but the only thing I keep in the loft is xmas decorations, suitcases and one trunk each for my two daughters for memorabilia.

Coffeemachine · 04/03/2016 15:53

I have a very easy rule: if it is not needed and has no function then it goes. but I am a very serious minimalist.

I didn't keep uni notes. often science moves on so quickly that they will be out of date soon.

SnozzberryWibble · 04/03/2016 15:55

Chuck them out all the hard work you put in is reflected in the knowledge you have and in my case the job I do, not in some dog eared bits of A4.

Well said!

Orangeanddemons · 04/03/2016 15:58

We had a house fire and a lot of crap got burnt. I don't miss any of it. The photos survived, and some keepsakes that belonged to my family. There were the only important things.

Our new shiney house is filling ill of shite again alreadyShock we're just about to hire another skip...

The one thing I wish I'd still gets my degree portfolios. I did a design degree, and I really wish I still had them

Galvanised · 04/03/2016 16:03

Misplaced emotional attachment to stuff, very difficult to overcome. I think it helps to understand that you are attached to your things, but to try to work out what are the most important things and slowly weed out the rest.

BillBrysonsBeard · 04/03/2016 16:05

My parents held onto everything too OP, it's a hard habit to break! It was for practical "incase we need it" reasons and also sentimental reasons. It's common to get so attached to 'stuff' in modern life. What helped me was moving abroad and realising how little I needed to be happy! Infact the stuff I kept was clogging my brain up. It's so freeing giving stuff away to charity/freecycle etc.

Original poster
MaximumHoldMousse · 04/03/2016 16:09

Oh gosh i totally get this - Have a ton of horrible cards I'd never actually want to send to someone (unless I hated them) because they are so naff! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
MaximumHoldMousse · 04/03/2016 16:11

Oh gosh yes I have kept all my offer letters... and my rejection letters too! Actually that is a bit weird... Maybe I will start with these!

OP posts:
Original poster
MaximumHoldMousse · 04/03/2016 16:13

I think you have hit the nail on the head here, at least for me. I never make do and mend, but I think I should, so I do the first step and keep stuff. Wow, this is so therapeutic!

OP posts:
Original poster
MaximumHoldMousse · 04/03/2016 16:14

Hope you don't mind me asking, have you always been a minimalist? Or did you have to train yourself to be?

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Figmentofmyimagination · 04/03/2016 16:36

My mum was a hoarder - she died last year. She even kept my school work from 40 years ago.

It is thoroughly disconcerting having to wade through all this stuff when someone dies. It is bad enough that they are dead, let alone having to excavate 40 year old forgotten dolls, teddies, exercise books, nasty notes about how much you hate 'so-and-so from standard three', ancient collections of toilet roll tubes that might have come in handy in a 'blue peter' sort of way in around 1975, carefully flattened Christmas wrapping paper, 100s of plastic carrier bags, ripped up and colour coded pants, shirts etc (useful dusters), every cup, saucepan, plate kettle, etc since 1970, whether or not intact, all your diaries, 40 years of 'poppy plastic', yoghurt pots, jam jars, coat hangers, every Christmas card or birthday card ever received etc.

I do think hoarding habits are 'learned behaviour' though. All my siblings (me included) have to fight hoarding tendencies.

Get rid of it - whatever it takes - think of your children!

ijustwannadance · 04/03/2016 16:37

As said by a pp, clearing out a deceased relatives house makes you realise how much crap is held on to that will just be chucked anyway.

When my parents downsized a few years ago, my mum was great and loved clearing the crap. Years of unwanted xmas gifts dumped in loft, video tapes etc. Unfortunately my dad was not so great and now has a garage full of the crap he took with him.

My goal is to get to the point where the only stuff stored away is seasonal. Like xmas decs and suitcase/hol stuff.

BillBrysonsBeard · 04/03/2016 16:59

Figment I'm dreading clearing out my mums house when the time comes, she is a big hoarder! We joke together about how it'll help distract from the immediate grief because we'll be cursing her Grin But in reality I think it will make it much harder and drag it out.

Figmentofmyimagination · 04/03/2016 17:13

Billbryson the oddest thing is the way the most mundane items eg a birthday card or an illustration in a book, an ancient advent calendar or a home made Sindy sleeping bag, not to mention an entire collection of hard earned whimsies or weebles, can suddenly trigger random deep-seated and long forgotten memories from your childhood, not always in a good way. The brain is extraordinary really. It's certainly making emptying the house very complicated. Because my mum's 'hoard' was so important to her (although not in a good way!) it's taken us months to reach the point of disloyally whispering 'house clearance'...

Original poster
MaximumHoldMousse · 04/03/2016 17:16

My replies are going everywhere but thanks so much for ur thoughts Figment x

OP posts:
StitchesInTime · 04/03/2016 17:45

I've also found Marie Kondo's book very useful in helping me shift me focus away from keeping clutter just in case I need it someday, towards only keeping stuff I love. Haven't finished sorting all the stuff in the house out yet, but there's a definite improvement from when I started.

I kept most of my uni textbooks after graduating, but I worked in a field related to my degree, so a fair few of my textbooks have been used and referred to in work. There'd be no point in keeping them if I'd worked in an unrelated field and they'd just been gathering dust on the shelf.

Original poster
MaximumHoldMousse · 04/03/2016 20:24

Ooh thanks for the recommend :) i didnt realise there were entire threads on Marie Kondo! I will have a look over there x

OP posts:
topcat2014 · 04/03/2016 20:30

I kept my university textbooks for years - through two house moves. Did accountancy degree, and then professional exams - kept those textbooks as well.

I think I thought I would eventually get 'clever' enough to re read them and really understand them.

Threw them away when I realised everything is on the internet now anyway.
Then studied a new tax qualification where everything was online - great - no more books - and an empty loft.

Stanky · 04/03/2016 20:46

I really need to have a clear out. The amount of crap we have is ridiculous. I really hate waste, and I feel guilty throwing things away. I have started to give clothes to charity, so that's a start. I struggle with stupid things, like burnt empty smelly candles. Are you supposed to just bin that glass with wax residue and the little metal bit? Or can it be recycled? I always think that I'm going to put another candle in there, but that's never going to happen. There are probably a million other stupid examples, and dh isn't much better. I really need to snap out of it.

Lucyccfc · 04/03/2016 21:35

My DM is a serious hoarder. She still has all my old school books and I am 48 this year. My sister is just like her and has a tiny house filled to the brim with clutter and crap she doesn't need.

I am the complete opposite and regularly have spring cleans. For example, every 6 months I go through my wardrobes and ask myself 'have I worn this in the last 12 months?' If the answer is no, it goes to the charity shop. When my DS grows out of stuff, I pass it on to other family who have younger boys.

I keep one folder, with special school things for DS - school report or a nice picture or story. Everything else from school gets binned.

College and Uni stuff have been binned/recycled.

Wedding dress got sold 2 days after I got back from honeymoon.
DS's first pram got sold as soon as he no longer used it.

I have nothing in my loft or my garage.

I think sometimes you either have to make a choice to just be ruthless and get rid or try to identify why you feel the need to keep things. My Mum is a hoarder due to her mental health. My DSis is a hoarder because she doesn't earn a lot of money and feels the need to have 'stuff'.

I just can't be doing with clutter - just the way I am, as I like control and order. Good job my son is the same or he would get pretty upset at me not keeping all his school stuff.

Junosmum · 04/03/2016 21:56

I've kept 2 textbooks, both directly relevant to my job. No uni notes. I also take all books to the charity shop once read (and usually buy another) unless I think a friend would like it, then I pass it to them.

Have you heard of the KonMarie method? Her book 'the life changing art of tidying up' really helps you to determine what is important to you and what you can let go- it's currently 4.99 in sainsburys, maybe give it a go?

Junosmum · 04/03/2016 21:57

sorry just rtft and realised someone got there first with KM.

Vanderwaals · 04/03/2016 22:01

I have all my books from school years 7-11 Blush all my a level coursework Blush every piece of art I've ever done Blush and all my uni notes and textbooks