to say something to these parents

[morningtoncrescent62]

I'm on a train, on a journey of several hours. Two hours in, and the family across from me are driving me nuts. Both parents are staring at their phones. DS (6-ish) is keeping up a constant, and very loud, stream of 'Dad, guess what?', 'Mum, watch me do this' and so forth. Neither parent is responding at all, not even looking up from their phones. They seem to have learned to edit out their child completely, but I haven't, and I can't concentrate on anything. WIBU to say something, and if so, how do I put it? I don't think I'd be bothered by a child/parent conversation, it's the constant stream of 'hey mum', 'hey dad' at full volume which is annoying. Moving seats isn't an option as the train is full and if I leave this (pre-booked) seat I might not find anywhere else.

[lorelei9]

Kawliga, thank you. I wish there were more parents like you.

[Lweji]

Not sure I'd want to describe how I deal with ds as a reign of terror, although he will be quiet if needs must and I certainly do my best for him not to bother other people around.

[kawliga]

I'm calling it a reign of terror because she did not have a choice. Once on a train, when she was about 4, she started acting up. I just quietly stood up, gathered all our things, and got off at the next station. We call it 'train manners'. I say 'remember your train manners' and that's enough to remind her that otherwise, we will be getting off at the next station. I only had to do that once to make it a credible threat. We also have 'bus manners' which involves sitting in the nearest empty seat, not running around looking for a fun seat; and if there are no seats then holding on and not falling about all over the place. She must wait for me to exit, not rushing up to the door and making the driver anxious that this child might fall over like some parents do.

Unfortunately I had to commute to work with my dd for many years, so for me it was REALLY important that she should know how to behave on a train. Same for buses and planes. People in a confined space rely on each other to make the journey as painless as possible.

[Lweji]

I once threatened DS that he'd have to go on his knees all the way from the till to the car in a supermarket, so I get it. (It was a good thing he believed I would carry out my threats, or I'd be outed then)
But I'd still be reluctant to call how I deal with him as a reign of terror. Just find it odd that you'd choose that expression.

[kawliga]

I once threated dd that if she didn't get dressed she would have to go to church in her pyjamas. Unfortunately she didn't get dressed. Oh dear. I had to take her to church in her pjs, because she called my bluff and I couldn't back out once I'd made the threat I had to follow through. She didn't care at all about being in her pjs (she was about 3) so the only person who felt embarrassed was me, people wondering why I didn't bother to dress my child. Epic fail.

However, it turned out to be worth it because when she started school I could credibly use that threat, of taking her to school in her pjs if she didn't get dressed. And she believed me. She knew I would follow through. I had already proved it. Thankfully she didn't call my bluff, as I wouldn't have been able to take her to school in pjs obviously.

[liquidrevolution]

Sorry to go off topic but caramac buttons are yucky. Nothing like the bars. I was so excited when i saw them i bought two bags and ended up putting one in the food bank box. They tasted of plastic.

[MabelFurball]

Oh no now I don't know whether to try them or not

[SharkSkinThing]

Mabel, shall we go halves?

[SaucyJack]

Meh. I suffer no guilt from ignoring my children if I've had enough of their inane wittering for the time being. They are not miniature tsarinas. They have to learn their place in society just as the rest of us do.

Although in the situation described in the OP, I would have the decency to tell them to zip it so nobody else had to listen to it either.

[NickiFury]

"inane wittering"

[bettyberry]

mine repeats the same stories he told me yesterday and the day before and the day before that.

I get the 'mum! mum!' from around 5am until 7 pm. Sorry if I tune it out on occasion and look like a shitty inconsiderate parent

Mine is worse on public transport. Anxiety. The way he deals with his anxiety is to talk about anything to take his mind of the 'strange people who smell funny and sit too close' So he will make odd noises, recite scenes from favourite movies, passages from books or repeat the same facts over and over and over. Did you know snakes can dislocate their jaw in order to eat its prey and some only need to eat 4 or 5 times a year? I am a walking encyclopaedia of useless information until I start going to the pub quiz again He fidgets too. Gets nervous diarrhoea so we are up and down the train carriage to the loo. Often he will panic if the loo is occupied that he'll have an accident making the whole thing worse and to think there are people on here who think I can teach him to sit still, to be quiet, to not disturb others. If only it was that simple.

and before anyone suggests 'well having a medical problem is different' how do you know just by looking?

I've come across people who have commented before. Told me to 'make him sit down and behave' or that a good telling off would stop the talking. Worst, a slap will stop he wanting the loo

So don't comment. Don't judge. Don't do anything but pack a pair of ear plugs, some music or even move to another carriage. Perhaps booking the quiet carriage would be more your thing?

I may have just come back from a stressful trip and I'm every so slightly irritated

[grannytomine]

For some reason this has brought a horrible journey back to me. I was on a three hour train journey and had a blinding migraine and for the whole journey a young man, who I think had had too much to drink, talked about his sexual exploits to two rather amused soldiers who had the misfortune to sit down next to him. We heard all about his girlfriends party piece, I nearly threw up, and what he liked and didn't like. No one said anything, I don't know what the people with children were thinking but I was longing for one of the men to tell him to shut up. Eventually we reached my station and as we approached it I got up and stood at the door, he then followed me to the door and started again. I lost it and said, "For the love of God do you think you are the only person with a sex life and do you think anyone is interested in it." There was a stunned silence and then he said, "I think I've been told off." I confimed his feeling and he managed to keep quiet for the two or three minutes it took for the train to come to a standstill and the doors to open. I was so glad I said something.

[Lweji]

Speaking of inane wittering, I once had to listen to two men in an endless discussion about whether phones found their geographical position through GPS or phone towers. After 15 or 20 min of it (I was sitting right in front of them, but with my back turned) (and ok, I may well have very low tolerance levels) I turned to them and told them it was GPS. At this point it doesn't matter if I was right or not, but achieved the result that they shut up about it.
I'd rather put up with toddler questions.

[LilacAndLovely]

I'm great at filtering out the kids

Me too. I'm even better at pretending i'm listening and interested though.

Ds2: 'Mum, mum, mum, guess what I just did on Minecraft, I mined some Iron and then smelted it into a crafting table and then I killed forty creepers and I made a nether portal...'
Me: 'A nether portal?! WOW well done!'
Ds2: 'Yes, a NETHER PORTAL and then I killed three googlies and I crafted obsidian and spawned a whole farm of sheep and I got a hundred points!'
Me: 'A hundred?! You clever thing!'

Ds then wanders away satisfied. I'm still reading my book and have no fucking idea what he was just talking about.

[grumpysquash3]

Lilac
That could be me!
I can just about hang in with the Minecraft stuff, but the YouTube random videos have me stumped.

DS: Mum, there's this youTuber who....blah,blah (x5000) blah, and he got a million hits
Me: That sounds a lot

[NickiFury]

My stock response to any complicated question regarding my children's specialist subjects; dd - Nintendo games, any console, ds - YouTube Vloggers and Marvel is "hmm, you know I am not really sure, what do YOU think?" That way I don't have to reach into my knackered mind to dredge up a thought out response regarding something I hold little knowledge on and couldn't care less about.

[Lweji]

LilacAndLovely

Me too.

The problem of doing such a great job is then convincing him that I would certainly not want to play it and I would not like it.

[SharkSkinThing]

Sometimes I feel like Stampy Cat should be paying rent.

[Gottagetmoving]

I'd rather you thought I was a twat than have such a judgemental arse like me tbh. I hope one of those useless parents puts you straight one of these days but I bet money on the fact you would just tut and glare passive aggressively and wouldn't actually say anything to them

Doubledaff Actually no,...I wouldn't tut and glare and you are not making a lot of sense.
We are not talking about parenting..We are talking about NOT parenting. This is a situation on public transport..with TWO parents totally ignoring a young child because they can't be arsed and not giving a shit whether it impacts on anyone else.
It's ignorant and anti social. T-shirts not difficult to occupy your child on a train...If you are not prepared to cope with that you would be better off keeping a goldfish than having kids.

[fabhead]

Put your headphones on lime everyone else

[Gottagetmoving]

It's....Not T-shirts....sorry ...stupid auto correct!!

[morningtoncrescent62]

So, encouraged by the first page or so of replies I plucked up courage and talked to the little boy. I don't usually strike up conversations with children on public transport because a) I'm worried that their parents will think I'm a weirdo or worse, and b) it's ages since my own (now in their mid-20s) were that age and I've lost the knack of talking with young children if I ever had it

Anyway, it was fine. The boy was a bit older than I'd thought, 8 rather than 6, and he turned out to be an entertaining conversationalist, at least, for me who doesn't have to talk to him all the time. Mum and dad dozed on and off through the rest of the journey - I knew from the reservations cards that we were all going to the last stop. They didn't say a word to me, though, and they didn't respond to my overture of 'what a lovely little boy' as we were all getting ready to leave the train. So maybe they thought I was interfering, or judging, or something?

[kawliga]

So maybe they thought I was interfering, or judging, or something?

No, they just thought you were a weirdo. Which you sort of were. But it doesn't matter. I bet you made that boy's day. You were somebody who chatted with him on the train and I bet he thought you were pretty cool. Certainly more fun than his snoozing parents. You did a kind thing. Weird, but kind.

[readyforno2]

Lilac
Are you me? I had that exact conversation today...
Well, I might have. Maybe he was talking about something else? Who knows?

[Sometimesithinkimbonkers]

Lilac whoop whoop another one!!!!
I just repeat !!!
I have absolutely no idea what's going on .... If I hear that fucking Stampy's stupid Jimmy Carr laugh once more! Also now his wittering voice is starting to sound like Chris Evans .... So I can't listen in him now either!

Op get some headphones X