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AIBU?

Aibu to think dh could have given me a lift?

49 replies

LlamaPops · 20/02/2016 19:53

I don't drive. Dh does.
Normally I don't moan about walking everywhere but I had to go and do something tonight which was a 30 min walk each way. I feel utterly crap thanks to a cold. Dh mentioned how rough I looked when he got home and yet when I asked him to give me a lift to where I needed to be I got 'Oh I'm tired, you'll be ok' .

Now this pissed me off and I walked it anyway because quite frankly part of me thinks that if he cba to help me out a tad then I don't want him to.... now feel utter shit.

Would have been there and back in 20 min's had he of helped me a bit....took me a hour and a half and energy that I only just had.
To top it off I get home and ds hasn't been fed and he's sat there expecting me to make food that I don't want to eat.

Is he being a twunt? Or aibu?

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PalcumTowder · 21/02/2016 00:17

/\ exactly!!

memyselfandaye · 21/02/2016 00:05

Get a fucking bike? The OP is not feeling 100%, its pissing down and there is a family car, presumably taxed, insured and filled up with family finances, why the fuck would her husband not give her a lift?

That is her husband, not a casual friend or next doo next door neighbour.

Jesus wept, she should'nt have to get a bike. Her selfish prick of a husband should offer without being asked.

DarthVaderIsMyRealDaddy · 20/02/2016 23:10

Get a bike? Don't even have to have the conversation then. Sorry for you.

elephantpig · 20/02/2016 23:07

user7755

Probably should have mentioned this in my post, but I drive and DP doesn't. That includes a commute everyday for both of us, having to drive back and forth to check on the dog all day, plus general 'chore driving' like to the supermarket etc. We also do a 4 hour each way journey about once a month.
Right now it isn't in our financial interest for DP to learn to drive because most of the time that he needs a lift I'm going too. And we could only afford to run one car.

However, he picks up the 'slack' in other areas and I don't begrudge driving him places because I like him and I want to help him if I can.

DoreenLethal · 20/02/2016 22:48

Perhaps you need to send tomorrow in bed recovering and then think aout whether this relationship is really what you wat.

LogicalThinking · 20/02/2016 22:34

Very unkind. It was twattish behaviour like that, that was the final nail in the coffin of my first marriage. I asked my ex for a lift 10 minutes away (I don't drive for medical reasons and I had some large items I needed to take home), he said no. No good reason other than he couldn't be bothered.
Couples should be kind to each other - that has to be the foundation of a relationship.

Canyouforgiveher · 20/02/2016 21:28

How unkind of him.

Spouses/partners should be nicer and kinder to each other than to anyone else.

Nanny0gg · 20/02/2016 21:10

I really do wonder about people who can't be arsed to be kind to their OHs.

And to not even think about feeding his DC?

He's horrible.

Bunbaker · 20/02/2016 21:08

That is extremely inconsiderate of him. OH would not be at all happy if I had to walk somewhere on my own in the dark, and if I couldn't drive he would take me.

Good luck with the learning to drive though. Once you can do that you won't need him at all

user7755 · 20/02/2016 21:07

Why on earth wouldn't he drive you?!

Because sometimes when you are the person who always drives, when people wait till you have got home after a bloody long day, when no matter how knackered you are you have to turn around and transport everyone around, sometimes you just want to say 'No. I'm knackered. I need to sit and chill for a bit'

not at all projecting my own bitterness to this situation

If this is genuinely the only time the OP has ever asked, then the husband IBU.

He's a twat for not cooking anyway.

SlapACatFuckADuck · 20/02/2016 21:05

^ as bananafish said but when he asked where his food is say "I didn't order you any as you haven't said you're hungry"

bananafish · 20/02/2016 21:00

That's awful behaviour - really mean and selfish.

Have a bath, and go to bed.

If you feel hungry, order food. None for him.

You poor thing.

BYOSnowman · 20/02/2016 20:58

i don't drive and will happily sort myself out but if DH is around I can't think of one time where he hasn't offered to drive me. i never ask.

as you say you rarely ask i agree that he has been a twat not to this time

RoosterCogburn · 20/02/2016 20:52

He sounds very unsupportive. We both drive, but if I am tired or under the weather DH always offers to drive me even if it means going out of his way (and I would do the same for him).

Surely the whole point of being in a loving relationship is to treat one another with loving kindness and consideration?

elephantpig · 20/02/2016 20:52

So you don't drive, you needed to go somewhere, its not his responsibility to chauffeur you, you walk.

BUT, he's your husband! A spouse is supposed to like you, to be your friend, to want to make you happy, to want to spend time with you. Why on earth wouldn't he drive you?!

It's just unkind and unloving not to take you.

LoveBoursin · 20/02/2016 20:51

Then you probably have more issues to sort out than just the driving.

I agree that it's annoying to always be the one to drive, give lifts etc but surely when your partner is clearly I'll, enough that you have mentioned it, you should WANT to help them ??

Re being unhelpful, is it because she he is just being a twat or are you enabling him in any ways?

ImperialBlether · 20/02/2016 20:48

Where is the kindness in this relationship? What did he think "love, honour and cherish" actually meant?

I wouldn't be happy about tonight but I would be reconsidering a relationship with someone who could be so selfish and unkind.

user7755 · 20/02/2016 20:47

He's a twat for expecting you to cook for him but as the sole driver in the house I can completely understand the not wanting to go out again when you feel knackered.

Keep persevering with learning to drive and then buy a nicer car than him and refuse to give him a lift anywhere

Needfinsnow · 20/02/2016 20:46

I kind of see where you are coming from and he sounds a twunk...but it if makes you feel better...I'm a single mum, can't drive, had to catch a bus (2 hours to get what takes half hour in the car) each way, to hospital with my 5 year old daughter, to see Emergency dr ( was meant to go at 9 last night but couldn't due to childcare and travel arrangements), to have tubes put into my ears to relieve a really nasty ear infection..

itsbetterthanabox · 20/02/2016 20:45

Why did you walk? If you're ill you should have got a taxi.
Occasional taxis are much cheaper than running a second car.
However he should have given you the lift obviously. He's selfish.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 20/02/2016 20:42

Your partner should support and help you, they should have your back not treat you like crap.

Good on you for not cooking, too many women cave in when it comes to wifework.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 20/02/2016 20:40

Incredibly unpleasant and selfish behaviour. Please tell me you haven't cooked for everyone.

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memyselfandaye · 20/02/2016 20:29

He's a selfish twat. Why do you put up with it?

ohtheholidays · 20/02/2016 20:29

YANBU but he was,what an Arse!

Like others said don't cook for him! and I hope you feel better soon OP

LlamaPops · 20/02/2016 20:26

Ahhhh his excuse to ds not having any food yet....

'He hasn't asked for it'

I'm off to bed....they can sort themselves out.

And yes he is mostly unhelpful but he's pissed me off tonight more than usual.

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